How To Keep The Spark Alive In a Relationship

UpJourney’s Article Written by The Editors, How to Keep the Spark Alive in a Relationship (60+ Exciting Ways) features contributions from Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating (Visit UpJourney to view the full article)

A relationship can start in a whirlwind of excitement and euphoria but suddenly fade without a single spark left behind. 

It can be challenging to always feel the spark between you and your partner, especially if you have been together a long time and have yet to place effort into rekindling that spark. It is a cohesive effort from both partners to bring back or maintain that fiery connection you felt and drew you together initially. 

Here are my three tips to rekindle that spark with your partner:

• Discuss what drew you together initially

• Prioritize communication

• Do something playful

Talk about what drew you together initially over a romantic dinner date

When wanting to reignite that spark, it’s essential to slow down and bring back focus to romance. Share one and others’ company over a romantic dinner date curated to highlight shared feelings of love and connection you built your relationship on.

Prioritize communication through a shared activity 

Getting that spark back in a relationship takes consistent effort; it does not happen “eventually.” It mandates direct communication between partners. 

Spend quality time with your partner doing something it does not need to be extravagant or some unwanted task, do an activity together, kayak or go hiking, or do something as simple as a walk around the block. Create an environment to communicate openly by sharing a joint activity.

Do something playful to nurture your inner child

Be carefree and have a relaxed headspace where you’re not thinking so hard. Do something playful or goofy, like a theme or amusement park, trampoline park, paint, or ceramic classes. 

Nurture your inner child together! If you want things to be exciting again in your relationship, then get excited about something together.

How to Avoid Losing Your Identity in a Relationship

By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Newfound love brings with it a strong current that can sweep you up in the excitement of your new relationship. And habits that have turned into routines in long-term relationships can appear too burdensome to shift. It's so easy to get sucked up in that vacuum of infatuation with a new relationship or stick to old routines where self-nurturing is left by the wayside. However, the long-term effect of only focusing on your relationship's development and deprioritizing your individual identity outside of your partner can have a detrimental impact not only on the relationship but on self-esteem and personal development. 

Here are five tips to ensure that beyond the passion of a new relationship or the comfort of routine in a long-term one, you can emphasize maintaining personal growth and your sense of identity outside of your partnership. 

1. Spend 5 minutes at the end of your day on personal reflection

While it may seem straightforward to spend five minutes with yourself with no distractions, the intention during this time of reflection is vital. Check in with yourself for just five minutes and ask yourself these questions:  How did you nurture yourself today? Did you do something for yourself that made you smile, no matter how small? If not, what is something you can do before bed?  A short investment of your time daily can exponentially decrease feelings that you're losing your identity. 

2. Do not let go of your hobbies and passions 

With a new partner, it can be easy to desire more joint activities. But, actively choose to give yourself and your partner the space to continue your own hobbies and activities. Do not forget yourself in the process and continue to do the things you enjoyed before your relationship. Make a point to immerse yourself in the passions and hobbies that fed your soul before your relationship.

3. Continue to spend time and stay in touch with friends 

When in a relationship, it is normal to have a shift in how you manage your time and with whom you spend it.  But, it can be easy to slip into a negative pattern of always spending time with a significant other in place of the time you would spend with friends or family. Negative practices that can develop in romantic relationships can impact non-romantic relationships with close friends or family.  While you have a relationship to nurture, many friendships will likely require a degree of relationship maintenance behaviors for closeness. Make a point to maintain your other relationships by reaching out by message, calling, or setting times to meet up for coffee or dinner to check in with the other parts of your support system outside your partner. 

4. Try new things with and without your partner 

New experiences are food for our souls and development. Pushing yourself to engage outside your habitual routines with new activities can encourage the growth of your mind, from trying new cuisines to encountering a person and hearing stories you'd otherwise never know. 

5. Always trust yourself 

In relationships, asking your partner about big decisions and goals is standard practice. These conversations can be challenging for couples as both parties have the equal ability to share and provide advice (not always desired advice). Ultimately, you need to always listen to your inner voice when it comes to chasing something you feel passionate about and trust yourself. The right partner will be there to support you in your ventures and uplift your dreams. 

How the Linx Methodology Works... From an Insider

Amy Andersen’s methodology is old-fashioned and direct, and it has been shown to help clients even as they continue to date beyond Linx. To understand exactly how Amy’s methodology impacts clients, Linx Dating reached out to a previous client who has become successful in her approach to dating and is now in a happy exclusive relationship post-Linx.

Demographics:

The previous Client is a 32-year-old active female and established young professional with a 10-year-old daughter. Her partner is a 27-year-old active male and an established young professional.

What stuck out to you most about Amy’s methodology for having success when dating?

I appreciate Amy’s way of assessing fundamental compatibility levels for her clients. She created a system and space that allows her clients to open up and be honest with her (and themselves) about their ideal life partner.

What tip or trick was the most useful to implement in your approach to dating?

1. Make self-care a priority, for it’s the foundation of a healthy relationship.

2. Know your worth and don’t lower your standards when evaluating potential red flags.

3. Don’t be scared to ask hard questions playfully. The right person will be receptive and value you and your time more.

4. Last, never assume; communicate to the point of clarity and mutual understanding.

Were your dates/partner receptive to your new dating approach?

The right man was, and I saved a lot of time and potential heartache in the initial talking stages of dating.

How has your dating life and experience with dating changed since working with Amy?

My mindset has shifted in how I approach my ideal partner. I’ve gone from “do they like me,” to “do I like them and are they a good fit for the woman I am and want to be.”

I am evaluating deal breakers, green and red flags, and learning to communicate upfront while still allowing plenty of space for romance.

Amy’s methodology set a bar that had me off the dating market and exclusive by the 4th date with a man that is communicative, successful, and romantic, ultimately proving that great men do exist in today’s dating landscape and you just have to be willing to stay true to your standards.

Linx Dating Client Testimonials

Linx Dating is approaching our 20th year in the business of being Cupid. We connect clients each and every day with prospective partners based on similar values, passions, and interests - the Linx method to matchmaking continues to result in countless relationships and marriages. We take pride in sharing what our clients have to say about Linx and why Amy Andersen’s approach to matchmaking elevates the industry to a whole new level. Read on to hear what our clients have to say about Linx and the process!

A 50-something Male located in San Carlos, CA

“Amy is great. Terrific listener with superb insights. Good at offering advice and knowing when just a little constructive coaching can make a big difference.  

She carefully selects folks for you to meet and they are uniformly impressive (even if not always a romantic match).  You will not have the situation we have all had with apps when you know in mere moments of meeting someone that the meeting is a waste of time.  Not with Amy.... each intro leads to time well spent chatting with somebody polished and interesting.  

Clearly this is not a volume-based business for Amy. She is hands-on and there appears to be no delegation... not even an admin to field routine emails.  But she is still responsive.  She takes her time and thinks things through personally.  

Amy is the total opposite of apps and the endless waste of time they represent. Not cheap, but you get what you pay for.”

A 40-something Male located in Mountain View, CA 

“There are so many matchmakers out there.  I know as many of them to reach out to me and want me to be part of their network, etc.  The pitch is generally the same, the execution is the same, etc, etc.  Some of these services work in volume (think Tawkify) and others are truly bespoke.  Most are really there to sell a dream to people as priority one and deliver results as priority two.  

Amy is different.  

Amy has a large barrier to work with her (which is a good thing).  This barrier is a very exhaustive questionnaire, an in-person interview, continued follow-up on status, and taking the entire process seriously.  This weeds out the lurkers and the individuals that do not take the service seriously.  It also weeds out those who don't know what they're looking for.  

While the terms of my agreement with Amy are confidential, I will tell you that Amy is worth every penny you invest in her services.  

She combines one of the most extensive networks of anyone I know, the uncanny ability to find the right match, and a sincere dedication to the art and science of top-level matchmaking.  

She is a master businesswoman and knows how to break down barriers to truly find the needles in a haystack.  She doesn't expect her clients to settle to match what she can find, she excels to find partners that match the expectations of her clients...and her clients are of the pickiest, most discerning, and high profile of the bunch.  She just delivers.  

Other matchmakers, in my experience, don't match the punctual follow-up and service that Amy provides.  While she works with many, she has made me, one of her clients, feel as though I am top priority.  I am able to communicate by text, phone, or email.  All of these are fine by Amy.  

In summary, if you want the best, don't waste your time with others, go to Amy.  I am writing this because I truly think she is of the few out there that goes above and beyond to be a true "cupid" and she succeeds because of the aforementioned.”

50-something Female located in Larkspur, CA

“Amy Andersen, founder of the Bay Area's premiere bespoke matchmaking venture Linx, is a true treasure in this potentially exploitative field. Her reputation is sterling, her intuition is spot-on, her network is extensive, and her success rate is unparalleled. Do your research and you will likely come to the same conclusion as I did: Linx is the go-to company for discreet high-end matchmaking services in Northern California.

Before I had the pleasure of meeting Amy IRL, I had several months of correspondence with her. From our very first exchange, Amy was incredibly warm, authentic and genuinely passionate about her desire to help people meet the love of their lives. Even after nearly 2 decades in this ultra-competitive business (longevity is extremely rare in this particular niche), she continues to have an incredible level of enthusiasm for her work. I was scheduled to meet with Amy for 90 minutes but we were having such fun in her little "secret garden" that nearly three hours flew by before we parted ways!! As nervous as I was for this all-important, vis-à-vis first meeting, I ended up having a delightful afternoon drinking herbal tea, sharing stories/life dreams, and of course, being girlie girls, plenty of giggles! Read the other reviews and the common element you'll see is that EVERYONE ADORES AMY!!! She is fully present and engaged in learning as much as she can about her clients... necessary intake info so she knows exactly which spell to cast! I'm convinced successful matchmaking is equal parts intuition, attention to detail,  and magic!!

But beyond the personality, Amy is the very definition of a consummate professional: she is meticulous in her vetting process, highly organized and prepared for all events/interactions, responsive not only to her high-end clientele but to anyone who inquires about her services. Even individuals who are not a good fit for her model are treated with dignity and are often directed to other resources/services that are better aligned with their needs. I know this personally from friends who have reached out to her over the years. Amy understands her ultimate success is not strictly defined by the number of clients in her data base, but in being benevolent to all who seek her expertise.

If you are reading this, most likely you are seeking a serious relationship. Remember the immortal words of David Viscott, ‘To love and to be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.’ If you are exhausted weeding through all of the dishonest posers online and are ready to invest in finding your life partner, Linx may very well be the service you need. You will at the very least become a fan of Amy Andersen, guaranteed.”

60-something Female located in Saratoga, CA

“This review is long overdue. I was searching for a personalized local matchmaker for a dear friend of mine. I found Linx and did an intro call with the founder Amy Andersen. She was wonderful, very personable, and made me feel comfortable from day one. I was very happy to introduce my single friend to Amy. Amy suggested meeting my friend for coffee a couple of times to ensure he was on board and making the right decision.

Since he signed up, I can tell you he's had an excellent experience. While the first few introductions did not lead to "the one", he is now in a happy, committed relationship with a smart and kind, beautiful lady who is good to him. Importantly, they have a lot of fun together!

The value add with Linx is that it provides a very personalized, professional approach for those who are either too private for dating apps and/or looking for someone spectacular.

Linx cherry picks its member ensuring everyone is commitment-minded and serious about finding true, authentic love. It's great for busy executives/business owners who lead full lives and aren't inclined to swipe all day to find the right match.

Although the service is not cheap, I am a believer that you get what you pay for.”

Just Breathe… How to Calm Down before a Date

Image by Freepik

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

First dates can be riddled with a barrage of emotions and what feels like a surge of adrenaline pumping through your body. Many men and women suffer from jitters in the early stages of dating and these emotions are normal - you’re a human after all and it would be a bit odd if you weren’t experiencing some of that.

One of the best ways to combat these nerves is first to get into the right positive mindset. Here are some of my recommendations for getting there.

1. "Meeting a Friend"

I like to tell clients to visualize that they are meeting a friend. Friends generally make us feel good about ourselves.

Side note, if you have a friend who doesn’t bring levity to your life, perhaps its time to re-evaluate your friendships - but I digress.

When in the “meeting a friend” mindset, those pesky nerves that can interfere with pre-date and during the date emotions will begin to subside. The wet palms, increased heart rate, the WTF am I doing will take a dip.

Start this visualization the minute you have a firm plan. So if your date is on Friday and it’s Monday, it’s the right time to begin. A few minutes of daily visualizations where you remind yourself this is not a big deal, you’re meeting a new friend and it’s always fun to have new friends. Rinse and repeat a couple of minutes in the mornings and evenings leading up to the actual date. I’d apply a very similar practice to interviewing for a job as well. "I know this space inside and out, they need me more than I need them, I got this, I own this, fuck yeah."

2. “Taking Care of Yourself"

Now that you’re rockin’ your positive mindset, think about anything that makes you relax. What do you do after a stressful day?

What are your coping mechanisms that are healthy outlets? A peaceful stroll in the park? Yoga? A bubble bath, a steam or sauna with dim lighting and candles and Enya playing? Why not? Some Metallica streaming through your AirPods running, pumping iron, banging out push-ups and mountain climbers? You’ve got this. Whatever your jam is, these are great ways to have stress outlets leading up to the date.

3. “Best Foot Forward"

Now that you are doing your daily visualizations and ideally bringing relaxation to your body each day, I want you now to figure out the outfit you’ll be wearing. Although you’re meeting a new friend, I want you feeling really good about yourself. Going out to the newest sushi spot in town and cocktails at that swanky bar after, find something in your closet that makes you feel alive and sexy as hell. If you’re a female, men like color. It’s funny, they’re just like a hummingbird and respond well to color.

If you’re guy reading this, wouldn’t it be so nice to pick out a crisp dress shirt with a hint of color, a beautiful belt and dark denim. Did you know women tend to look at guys shoes first? Yep, it’s true.

So if you have your ensemble picked out, I want you to hang it up on your closet door or somewhere you can see it everyday leading up to your date. Visualize how pretty you’re going to look in your red dress and heels with your soft, incredibly sensual-to-the-touch cashmere wrap. Or how studly you’re going to feel in your freshly pressed dress shirt and those pricy suede loafers you purchased after a boozy lunch with your best friend that afternoon.

Look at it, visualize it, and get into the mindset of feeling and looking really good. You got this.

The days leading up to your date, you’re getting good sleep, limiting the booze, and curbing insane amounts of caffeine... Again, this is all the same stuff I would do if I were going on a job interview and I wanted to ace it. Mindset, action, controlling environment, and treating the body like a temple!

Day of the date, listen to your favorite song when getting ready, splash your perfume/cologne on and it’s show time.

Put that outfit on and feel golden. You are amazing and are going to have a great evening! Make sure to leave plenty of time to get to the location so you don’t stress about traffic or parking.

And when you’re there, remember, just breathe, you’re meeting a friend after all….