How to Avoid Losing Your Identity in a Relationship

By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Newfound love brings with it a strong current that can sweep you up in the excitement of your new relationship. And habits that have turned into routines in long-term relationships can appear too burdensome to shift. It's so easy to get sucked up in that vacuum of infatuation with a new relationship or stick to old routines where self-nurturing is left by the wayside. However, the long-term effect of only focusing on your relationship's development and deprioritizing your individual identity outside of your partner can have a detrimental impact not only on the relationship but on self-esteem and personal development. 

Here are five tips to ensure that beyond the passion of a new relationship or the comfort of routine in a long-term one, you can emphasize maintaining personal growth and your sense of identity outside of your partnership. 

1. Spend 5 minutes at the end of your day on personal reflection

While it may seem straightforward to spend five minutes with yourself with no distractions, the intention during this time of reflection is vital. Check in with yourself for just five minutes and ask yourself these questions:  How did you nurture yourself today? Did you do something for yourself that made you smile, no matter how small? If not, what is something you can do before bed?  A short investment of your time daily can exponentially decrease feelings that you're losing your identity. 

2. Do not let go of your hobbies and passions 

With a new partner, it can be easy to desire more joint activities. But, actively choose to give yourself and your partner the space to continue your own hobbies and activities. Do not forget yourself in the process and continue to do the things you enjoyed before your relationship. Make a point to immerse yourself in the passions and hobbies that fed your soul before your relationship.

3. Continue to spend time and stay in touch with friends 

When in a relationship, it is normal to have a shift in how you manage your time and with whom you spend it.  But, it can be easy to slip into a negative pattern of always spending time with a significant other in place of the time you would spend with friends or family. Negative practices that can develop in romantic relationships can impact non-romantic relationships with close friends or family.  While you have a relationship to nurture, many friendships will likely require a degree of relationship maintenance behaviors for closeness. Make a point to maintain your other relationships by reaching out by message, calling, or setting times to meet up for coffee or dinner to check in with the other parts of your support system outside your partner. 

4. Try new things with and without your partner 

New experiences are food for our souls and development. Pushing yourself to engage outside your habitual routines with new activities can encourage the growth of your mind, from trying new cuisines to encountering a person and hearing stories you'd otherwise never know. 

5. Always trust yourself 

In relationships, asking your partner about big decisions and goals is standard practice. These conversations can be challenging for couples as both parties have the equal ability to share and provide advice (not always desired advice). Ultimately, you need to always listen to your inner voice when it comes to chasing something you feel passionate about and trust yourself. The right partner will be there to support you in your ventures and uplift your dreams. 

How the Linx Methodology Works... From an Insider

Amy Andersen’s methodology is old-fashioned and direct, and it has been shown to help clients even as they continue to date beyond Linx. To understand exactly how Amy’s methodology impacts clients, Linx Dating reached out to a previous client who has become successful in her approach to dating and is now in a happy exclusive relationship post-Linx.

Demographics:

The previous Client is a 32-year-old active female and established young professional with a 10-year-old daughter. Her partner is a 27-year-old active male and an established young professional.

What stuck out to you most about Amy’s methodology for having success when dating?

I appreciate Amy’s way of assessing fundamental compatibility levels for her clients. She created a system and space that allows her clients to open up and be honest with her (and themselves) about their ideal life partner.

What tip or trick was the most useful to implement in your approach to dating?

1. Make self-care a priority, for it’s the foundation of a healthy relationship.

2. Know your worth and don’t lower your standards when evaluating potential red flags.

3. Don’t be scared to ask hard questions playfully. The right person will be receptive and value you and your time more.

4. Last, never assume; communicate to the point of clarity and mutual understanding.

Were your dates/partner receptive to your new dating approach?

The right man was, and I saved a lot of time and potential heartache in the initial talking stages of dating.

How has your dating life and experience with dating changed since working with Amy?

My mindset has shifted in how I approach my ideal partner. I’ve gone from “do they like me,” to “do I like them and are they a good fit for the woman I am and want to be.”

I am evaluating deal breakers, green and red flags, and learning to communicate upfront while still allowing plenty of space for romance.

Amy’s methodology set a bar that had me off the dating market and exclusive by the 4th date with a man that is communicative, successful, and romantic, ultimately proving that great men do exist in today’s dating landscape and you just have to be willing to stay true to your standards.