Ask Amy: What Should I Do Before Meeting His Kids?

Question:

(Woman, 35, San Diego) [exclusively dating]

Hi Amy, I am excited to build a future with my current boyfriend, but I’m not sure how I should handle his kids. He was married before, has 2 kids from that marriage, and I’m very nervous about meeting them and all the responsibilities that come with that. I want this to go well, but I’m not sure how to prepare. Any ideas? 

Andersen Advice:

Firstly, it’s always smart to be intentional about your relationship with the kids. But, before you meet the kids, I suggest a sit down with your boyfriend to talk through your role in his kids’ lives and how involved you plan to be in their upbringing. Is he expecting you to coparent? Are you up for that? I would seriously consider your personal boundaries and needs before any next steps, including meeting the kids.

Once you and your partner are on the same page about your role with the kids, try to learn as much as you can about them in advance. Ask questions about their hobbies, personalities, and anything that’s off limits or problematic to discuss. A little detective work can go a long way when you’re wondering how to start the conversation with them. 

Before meeting the kids, I suggest letting go of expectations and preparing for different scenarios. We all hope the kids will be as excited to meet you as you are to meet them, but they may be indifferent or even hostile. Remember, the negative reaction has more to do with their emotional state than anything you did. Focus on being kind, patient, and understanding. 

When it comes to pace, let the kids decide the speed and level of interaction. Even though a hug might feel relaxed and natural for you, it could feel forced from the child’s point of view. Relationships aren’t created overnight; they are built over time. It may take time for hugs, handshakes and affection to feel natural, so take your time to intentionally build the relationship.

And, finally, a note about boundaries. As you grow more involved in the children’s lives, boundaries can feel a little blurry, but it's important not to overstep. Steer clear of disciplining the kids or getting involved in any disagreements between them and their parents; it will only make things more complicated. 

Wishing you all the best.

Affectionately,

Amy

The Power of Gratitude Practices in Romantic Relationships

By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Amidst the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, it's easy to overlook the small moments that make our romantic relationships special. One potent and often underestimated tool, for fostering connection and deepening intimacy in a relationship, is gratitude. The practice of expressing appreciation and thankfulness can have an incredible impact on relationships, by nurturing love and understanding.

The Impact of Gratitude on Romantic Relationships

Gratitude is more than just a polite gesture… It is a transformative force that can reshape the dynamics of a romantic relationship. When partners express and receive gratitude, it creates a positive cycle that reinforces mutual appreciation and strengthens the emotional bond. Here are some more specific key benefits of incorporating gratitude into your romantic relationship:

1. Better Communication

2. Increased Relationship Satisfaction

3. Stress Reduction

4. Building Resilience

How to Introduce Gratitude into Your Romantic Relationship

Now that we understand the impact of gratitude, let's dive into some easy ways to incorporate it into your romantic relationship:

1. Daily Gratitude Rituals

Take a few minutes each day or even just once a week to share something for which you're grateful. This can be a specific act your partner did, a quality you appreciate, or a shared moment. Establishing this ritual helps create a habit.

2. Gratitude Journaling

Encourage each other to keep a gratitude journal. Set aside time weekly to write down things you are grateful for in your partner and your relationship. You can share your journal entries with each other to deepen the connection.

3. Surprise Thank You Notes   

Surprise your partner with handwritten thank-you notes expressing appreciation for something they've done. It could be a simple gesture, a supportive action, or a characteristic you adore. These unexpected notes can create moments of joy and genuine connection.

2 Simple Gratitude Exercises for Couples

1. The Appreciation Game

Set aside time for a dedicated "appreciation session." Each partner takes turns expressing three things they appreciate about the other.

2. Gratitude Jar

Keep a shared gratitude jar in your living space. Whenever you feel grateful for something your partner has done, write it on a small piece of paper and place it in the jar. Take turns reading the notes during moments of connection.

By incorporating some of these simple yet impactful gratitude practices into your routine, you can create a foundation of appreciation, understanding, and connection.

Ask Amy: How Do I Overcome Romantic Rejection

Question:

(Man, 32, San Francisco) [Single- actively dating]

Hi Amy- Putting myself out there was easy. Keeping myself out there is turning out to be harder. I recently went out with a lovely woman and, after the third date, she decided we weren’t a match. I thought everything was going well, so I’m confused to say the least. What do you think? Do I ask her what happened or should I just move on? 

Andersen Advice:

Oh yes, dating can definitely feel like a roller coaster. You aren’t alone when it comes to the highs and lows. The excitement of new love can feel like walking on clouds, but when you get rejected or ghosted, it can trigger a lot of uncomfortable feelings that lead to questions like “Am I good enough?” or “What is the point of dating anyway?” Depending on the rejection, the feelings can linger and lead to heavy blues. Let’s take a closer look at rejection and figure out how to manage it better.

To explain rejection fully, you need to understand that there is a chemical reaction happening in the background that directly impacts your mood and perspective. When we hear someone say they aren’t interested, the body releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline—the same hormones that cause the "fight or flight" response. Your body might start sweating or your heart might start beating fast. This stress response is how the body copes with a perceived threat. In this case, rejection is a threat to our self-esteem. 

When the stress hormones fade away, you can count on the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that regulates emotions and makes decisions, to get activated. The level of emotional response varies depending on your personality, but it’s highly likely that you’ll experience sadness, anger, or frustration. Additionally, the mesolimbic system, or the brain's reward system, which is responsible for pleasure and motivation, is also impacted by rejection and can leave you feeling tired and unmotivated.

I understand how disheartening it can be to get turned down in the dating game. It can feel like you're not good enough, that there's something wrong with you, or that love just isn't in the cards for you. When I have clients going through rejection, I try to help them reframe. 

Approach rejection as an exchange of information, not a reflection of your worth. When someone turns you down, it’s not that you weren’t good enough, it’s that you two were not the right fit. As much as the message may sting in the moment, it is a gift that will allow you to move on with your life faster and find a better fit for you. 

Getting the love you want is a journey, and it takes time. Instead of dwelling on the rejection, get excited about what’s in store. Focus on the relationship you want and behave the way you’d want to be treated. When you are firm on your standards and clear on what’s important to you, you are more likely to attract people who share your values.

Most importantly, don't give up on love! It's easy to feel discouraged after getting turned down, but remember that every "no" brings you one step closer to a "yes". Keep putting yourself out there, keep meeting new people, and stay true to your standards. Love is out there for you.

Affectionately yours,

Amy

Member Spotlight: Caring and Adventurous Gentleman

We are thrilled to introduce our new client, a dynamic and athletic gentleman searching for an adventurous mate to share life's journey.

Are you at home in the mountains but equally comfortable in an evening dress?  Are you into real adventure? Our bachelor is 59, stands a tall 6’0" and is very athletic... hazel eyes and a full head of salt and pepper hair who looks considerably younger than his age.  He’s lived in Europe and is considering splitting time between there and his current home in Tahoe.  Or perhaps somewhere else entirely.

While technically a real estate developer, he has prioritized life experience,  first for his two (now-grown and launched) children and now with you.  While currently quite busy with a small portfolio of development projects, his hope is to make that a little more part time in the not too distant future 

This UC Berkeley Engineering graduate eschewed the normal path and became a ski bum for a couple of years. Learned to rock climb (climbed El Cap twice, among other notables) and had some epic adventures before starting his career.

His life’s next adventure was a 20+ year marriage (faithful and steady) with two wonderful children.  He threw himself into fatherhood – being a coach, a referee, school board chair at an acclaimed charter school and later at the kid’s ski academy high school.  While professionally successful, he prioritized family over business and created the life he wanted. 

He’s an avid cook and loves to entertain small groups of friends and family.  He tries to do a lot of reading in between all of  the other activities.  Full disclosure - he’s not a good guitar player, but tries.  Loves live music and travel for just about any compelling reason. Comfortable in jeans around a campfire but looks pretty good in his tuxedo as well.

Your bachelor’s personality is caring, creative, tenacious, and self-reflective.  He always seeks to learn from all of life’s lessons to be the best version of himself. Most that know him comment about his unrelenting optimism, deep empathy, and high EQ.  Since his divorce 5 years ago, he has pursued personal growth, different modalities of therapy.  While far from perfect, he has emerged an honest, emotionally available, whole person. In 30 years he wants to be still so obviously in love with his partner that it’s annoyingly cute.  

His best suited match is between the ages of 39-59 years old. She’s fit, athletic, and supremely comfortable in her own skin.  She is well traveled, worldly, intentional, empathetic, and strong enough to take the lead but confident enough to follow too.  She relishes in the idea of rock climbing with her guy or back country skiing, mountain biking, or paddle boarding. 

Camping, van life, cooking by fireside….this is exciting to her.  Life is a grand adventure and she’s excited to find her forever partner to ride through the journey together.  Ideally his dream partner has the flexibility to travel, so if she has kids, they are independent self-sufficient souls.   There are no fees for qualifying candidates.  Please email: amy@linxdating.com if you’re intrigued by what you’ve read.  

What Linx Members are Saying...

We are thrilled to share some heartwarming feedback from one of our members of the Linx Dating database. Recently matched with a client, her experience underscores the dedication and success of our team. Her words of appreciation not only affirm our mission but also ignite our excitement for the future as we continue to create meaningful connections. Read on to learn more about her journey and the positive impact of being part of the Linx Dating Database.

“Amy is absolutely incredible. You can really tell she is pouring her heart and soul into what she does; this feels like her life's work rather than just a business. It was particularly apparent with the giddy sense of curiosity she seemed to feel right before I went on my first date with the wonderful gentleman she matched me with. I could just tell her excitement and that she knew this would be good and that she couldn't wait to see the outcome. I felt that she was so invested in us. She supported me all the way through, helping me with advice on what to wear when I asked and calming me down when he didn't text right away (lol) - all in just such a friendly genuine way that more than anything gave me so much confidence and made me believe more in myself.

What perhaps impressed me the most with Amy is her unbelievable sense of intuition. I had been in her data base for a few months when her team reached out letting me know they had a potential match for me. Her wonderful chief of staff Dani and later Amy herself spoke through the match and highlighted things about him that they felt were a great fit for me. I was really taken aback - the entire time I was like, how do you know this about me! Amy would then point to the tiniest things I wrote in my profile and say things like, "see because you said X, I figured Y was the case". She is so absolutely brilliant in her understanding of humanity.

The match she set up was without question one of the best first dates of my life. The chemistry was there and instant and I can't wait to go out with the guy again!

I am in awe of who Amy is and what she has built. Having met her and experienced what she did for me, I'm not surprised in the slightest that she's matched the who's who in the tech industry and beyond, and that they call her Silicon Valley's Cupid.

Anyone who is busy and frustrated with today's dating landscape ... you'd be amiss not to give Amy a shot. She's made dating fun again.

Thank you Amy :)”