No Detail Too Small: Digging Deep for the Perfect Match

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

The Linx Dating client experience goes far beyond merely signing up and looking through a set of headshots in a database. Our comprehensive matchmaking services include thorough screening, detailed vetting, and an in-depth understanding of each client's unique needs and preferences so that we can maximize the chance of success.

To start, Linx cherry picks the clients we feel we can really help, and weeks of work goes in behind-the-scenes to get to know the client on a much deeper level before any matchmaking even takes place. I think one of the things I love most about running Linx is this huge “discovery process” and the unexpected twists and turns that it can take. Many matchmakers stick to doing a Zoom session to onboard a new client. I not only typically do this early work in person, but further request that my client open his/her inner world to me (and often my team) to help give me critical insights, a backstory, and facts that I would never know if we were not to fully immerse. For example, I regularly visit a client’s home and workplace if welcomed and appropriate, favorite hangout spots, and even speak to their close circle of friends and community of supporters to glean a broader perspective as I collect data.

In fact, in the last 7 days, I have chatted for 3 hours in one of my new VIP client’s living room, with three of her best friends, enjoyed meals together with her, walked through her homes to garner more information, all with the intention to pick up on the nuances, the grey zones, and to see if I can come up with any epiphanies along the way. Moreover, as I have moved past the initial in-person, I have done multiple follow-up Zoom calls with additional close friends and colleagues of hers from around the world.

These deep dive immersions are spectacular. They are like a flower that begins to open up and bloom. The client feels excited when he/she sees my eyes light up and realizes that my team is getting multiple steps closer to isolating the “the type” of person he/she needs, and to also be mindful of what is NOT a fit.

At Linx, not only do we work on this “discovery” process which is light years ahead of the current standard in the matchmaking industry; we prep the client for the dating world via the right photography, wardrobe, and any other personal life management so that they feel beyond ready, on their game, and can step forward with 100% with a confident stride and major pep in their step.

All of these elements I have mentioned here also play the additional role of building further trust with the client. As I reflect back on many clients (VIP and other) over the years, although the initial connection was likely made when they began to “know of me” over the years by attending my events or reading about my business on the periphery, the growth of our working relationship accelerated once they were ready to become a client and we began spending considerable time together over meals, conversations, and getting more and more comfortable each time.

This is a huge investment of time, emotion, energy, and money for a prospective client and definitely not for everyone. It’s not like waving a wand, doing a quick Zoom, and boom, someone is a new client. As I hope you can now see, these relationships take time to nurture and require patience and commitment.

Then again, a potential client is looking to make some of the most important decisions in his/her life – whom to marry and potentially with whom to have children… and any process around those kinds of decisions should not be taken lightly.

While this matchmaking methodology is not for the faint of heart, for the handful of golden clients who decide that it is, we treasure, and take great care in guiding, them every step of the way until they reach the finish line.

Client Testimonial: Retired 60-Something Lawyer

Every day, I am reminded of the incredible privilege I have as a matchmaker to work with matters as sensitive and profound as the heart.

It's a journey that requires trust, empathy, and a deep understanding of each person's unique story.

Today, I'm excited to share a heartfelt testimonial from one of our wonderful clients at Linx Dating.

“As an initial matter, it's important to understand my starting point. When you and I first began working together, I was just approaching the first anniversary of my wife's death. We'd been married and in love for more than three decades. I knew I wouldn't be able to build a new life for myself without a partner, but hadn't been on a "date" since the early 1980's. I knew absolutely nothing about how to find a life partner, and heard nothing but horror stories about online dating apps.

Working with you has been an enormous accelerator to my efforts. Beyond the good advice you shared, your referrals to other service providers in your network (e.g., photos and wardrobe building) have proven to be invaluable.

As I write this, I'm now seeing (on an "exclusive" basis) a woman you introduced about 7 months ago. She's warm, smart, interesting, attractive and serious about creating a genuine relationship. Most importantly, I'm happy when I'm with her. It's still too early to know if she's "the one," but I do know that I'd never have met her without your introduction.

Over the last year, you've introduced a substantial number of women. To be sure, some were quite far from a perfect fit. But a surprisingly high percentage were very impressive. Perhaps most importantly, they were all looking for a serious relationship and many had tried-and-quit online dating.

I've had fun/interesting dates with women I'd never have met otherwise.

At this point in my "journey," a key component of my daily personal happiness is the knowledge that, even if things don't work out with the woman I'm currently seeing, you stand ready to make new introductions.

A few words of caution/advice for your prospective clients. Seeking a life partner is pretty much the perfect opposite of purchasing a commodity. You can't get ahead of the curve by doing research, reading reviews and simply being willing to spend money. At the end of the day, you're looking for the "magic" that makes two people enjoy each other's company and live well together. Finding that is, first and foremost, a numbers game. You've got to be willing to meet lots of women . . . and keep an open mind/heart while you're doing so. I've met many women over the last year who would make fantastic friends. But only one woman who seems like a good fit as a romantic partner. Taking into consideration how rare "magic" really is, that shouldn't come as a surprise. Beyond numbers, you must stay focused on what truly matters. Everyone has their "negatives." It's incredibly easy to find reasons to reject a potential partner, and incredibly easy to lose sight of how rare and valuable a "magic" connection is. When the magic strikes, you've got to be ready with an open heart and the willingness to make a relationship work.

I'm very glad we're working together.”

Member Spotlight: Caring and Adventurous Gentleman

We are thrilled to introduce our new client, a dynamic and athletic gentleman searching for an adventurous mate to share life's journey.

Are you at home in the mountains but equally comfortable in an evening dress?  Are you into real adventure? Our bachelor is 59, stands a tall 6’0" and is very athletic... hazel eyes and a full head of salt and pepper hair who looks considerably younger than his age.  He’s lived in Europe and is considering splitting time between there and his current home in Tahoe.  Or perhaps somewhere else entirely.

While technically a real estate developer, he has prioritized life experience,  first for his two (now-grown and launched) children and now with you.  While currently quite busy with a small portfolio of development projects, his hope is to make that a little more part time in the not too distant future 

This UC Berkeley Engineering graduate eschewed the normal path and became a ski bum for a couple of years. Learned to rock climb (climbed El Cap twice, among other notables) and had some epic adventures before starting his career.

His life’s next adventure was a 20+ year marriage (faithful and steady) with two wonderful children.  He threw himself into fatherhood – being a coach, a referee, school board chair at an acclaimed charter school and later at the kid’s ski academy high school.  While professionally successful, he prioritized family over business and created the life he wanted. 

He’s an avid cook and loves to entertain small groups of friends and family.  He tries to do a lot of reading in between all of  the other activities.  Full disclosure - he’s not a good guitar player, but tries.  Loves live music and travel for just about any compelling reason. Comfortable in jeans around a campfire but looks pretty good in his tuxedo as well.

Your bachelor’s personality is caring, creative, tenacious, and self-reflective.  He always seeks to learn from all of life’s lessons to be the best version of himself. Most that know him comment about his unrelenting optimism, deep empathy, and high EQ.  Since his divorce 5 years ago, he has pursued personal growth, different modalities of therapy.  While far from perfect, he has emerged an honest, emotionally available, whole person. In 30 years he wants to be still so obviously in love with his partner that it’s annoyingly cute.  

His best suited match is between the ages of 39-59 years old. She’s fit, athletic, and supremely comfortable in her own skin.  She is well traveled, worldly, intentional, empathetic, and strong enough to take the lead but confident enough to follow too.  She relishes in the idea of rock climbing with her guy or back country skiing, mountain biking, or paddle boarding. 

Camping, van life, cooking by fireside….this is exciting to her.  Life is a grand adventure and she’s excited to find her forever partner to ride through the journey together.  Ideally his dream partner has the flexibility to travel, so if she has kids, they are independent self-sufficient souls.   There are no fees for qualifying candidates.  Please email: amy@linxdating.com if you’re intrigued by what you’ve read.  

How to Avoid Losing Your Identity in a Relationship

By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Newfound love brings with it a strong current that can sweep you up in the excitement of your new relationship. And habits that have turned into routines in long-term relationships can appear too burdensome to shift. It's so easy to get sucked up in that vacuum of infatuation with a new relationship or stick to old routines where self-nurturing is left by the wayside. However, the long-term effect of only focusing on your relationship's development and deprioritizing your individual identity outside of your partner can have a detrimental impact not only on the relationship but on self-esteem and personal development. 

Here are five tips to ensure that beyond the passion of a new relationship or the comfort of routine in a long-term one, you can emphasize maintaining personal growth and your sense of identity outside of your partnership. 

1. Spend 5 minutes at the end of your day on personal reflection

While it may seem straightforward to spend five minutes with yourself with no distractions, the intention during this time of reflection is vital. Check in with yourself for just five minutes and ask yourself these questions:  How did you nurture yourself today? Did you do something for yourself that made you smile, no matter how small? If not, what is something you can do before bed?  A short investment of your time daily can exponentially decrease feelings that you're losing your identity. 

2. Do not let go of your hobbies and passions 

With a new partner, it can be easy to desire more joint activities. But, actively choose to give yourself and your partner the space to continue your own hobbies and activities. Do not forget yourself in the process and continue to do the things you enjoyed before your relationship. Make a point to immerse yourself in the passions and hobbies that fed your soul before your relationship.

3. Continue to spend time and stay in touch with friends 

When in a relationship, it is normal to have a shift in how you manage your time and with whom you spend it.  But, it can be easy to slip into a negative pattern of always spending time with a significant other in place of the time you would spend with friends or family. Negative practices that can develop in romantic relationships can impact non-romantic relationships with close friends or family.  While you have a relationship to nurture, many friendships will likely require a degree of relationship maintenance behaviors for closeness. Make a point to maintain your other relationships by reaching out by message, calling, or setting times to meet up for coffee or dinner to check in with the other parts of your support system outside your partner. 

4. Try new things with and without your partner 

New experiences are food for our souls and development. Pushing yourself to engage outside your habitual routines with new activities can encourage the growth of your mind, from trying new cuisines to encountering a person and hearing stories you'd otherwise never know. 

5. Always trust yourself 

In relationships, asking your partner about big decisions and goals is standard practice. These conversations can be challenging for couples as both parties have the equal ability to share and provide advice (not always desired advice). Ultimately, you need to always listen to your inner voice when it comes to chasing something you feel passionate about and trust yourself. The right partner will be there to support you in your ventures and uplift your dreams. 

Matchmaker FAQs

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

As a professional Matchmaker, you regularly get questions that few other jobs would prompt. Since the nature of matchmaking involves closer relationships and an understanding of a client's EQ, the day-to-day for a matchmaker will often look different than a standard office job. To celebrate National Matchmaker Day (August 31st), I have outlined the most commonly asked questions I receive as a Matchmaker and CEO of Linx Dating.

1. Have you always set people up? 

I wasn’t one of those ones who was always setting people up but I have always loved people.  I saw a great opportunity and went for it. Frankly, when I saw the opportunity in front of me, I could not believe no one had done it before.

2. How did you get into the field? 

I saw a market opportunity (demand) that was consistent with my existing network (supply) and I built from there. I have also always been a people person so it was a natural fit to go into matchmaking as I work with an incredibly diverse group of clients. 

3. What’s the hardest thing about being a matchmaker? 

This is a very emotional business - so rewarding, at times, but also high pressure as people are depending on me. Someone who hasn’t been married and who wants a baby is a high pressure situation for me. This is also a service business which means that I can also get treated very poorly sometimes, which stinks. 

4. What’s a typical day look like for a matchmaker? 

I start my morning with a giant cup of hot coffee and make my son breakfast! After school drop off, I get on my email. If there are so many emails, it’s already stressing me out, it’s a good reason to go for a walk or a run. On my walks, I always catch up with clients. On my runs, I crank all sorts of music from Guns N Roses,  Dua Lipa, Ariana Grande, Justin Bieber, Crash Test Dummies, Motley Crue, Chaka Khan, or Michael Jackson. Literally, my musical tastes are all across the board, LOL. I get home, prep a to go salad for the office, get ready. I always do myself up even if I am not meeting a client because when I put make-up on and wear something nice, I feel better no matter what. I head to the office, respond to emails ad then either do an in-person meeting with a client, or prospect, or meet on Zoom. I spend my afternoons working on match ideas for clients and often checking in with people in my database to see if they are presently single and good candidates for my clients. Come 5pm, I am heading home to prep dinner and spend quality time with my family. After my son is in bed, it’s work time again till 10pm or so. Normally I then take a bath to unwind, watch a show, and go to bed myself!

5. Do matchmakers use astrology? 

Not really….I certainly do not. It’s fun to talk about but we’d better be using more than that if we want any kind of competitive edge.

6. Are some matchmakers generational matchmakers? 

Sure. There are examples of this, just like there are in other family  businesses. It can be as informal as shared dinner table talk over many years, or as formal as a child taking over the family business.

7. Are there niche specialty matchmakers? 

Yep. It’s s function of market supply and demand.   A matchmaker is only as good as his or her network, and that could be a niche - geographic, religious, ethnic, age, or whatever. I’d say the most common two niches would be matchmaking, focusing on a particular faith or heritage. 

For instance, there are many matchmakers focusing solely on Jewish matches or matchmakers focusing solely on Indian matchmaking. I’ve been binging on Netflix’s Indian Matchmaker with “Sima from Mumbai.” 

8. What’s the craziest thing anyone has ever told you they want in a match? 

One of my former clients shared his musts include “all-natural body parts,” “love celebrating New Year’s Eve,” and “be okay with a shower with two heads on opposite walls.” On a sweeter note, he expected his dream girl to be “really close with at least one family member” (his own relationship with his two sisters is “one of my biggest areas of happiness,” he writes) and “be someone who constantly says ‘I believe in you’ to their children.” But she also has to “allow me to indulge in a luxury sports car filled with premium gasoline.”