How to Avoid Losing Your Identity in a Relationship

By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Newfound love brings with it a strong current that can sweep you up in the excitement of your new relationship. And habits that have turned into routines in long-term relationships can appear too burdensome to shift. It's so easy to get sucked up in that vacuum of infatuation with a new relationship or stick to old routines where self-nurturing is left by the wayside. However, the long-term effect of only focusing on your relationship's development and deprioritizing your individual identity outside of your partner can have a detrimental impact not only on the relationship but on self-esteem and personal development. 

Here are five tips to ensure that beyond the passion of a new relationship or the comfort of routine in a long-term one, you can emphasize maintaining personal growth and your sense of identity outside of your partnership. 

1. Spend 5 minutes at the end of your day on personal reflection

While it may seem straightforward to spend five minutes with yourself with no distractions, the intention during this time of reflection is vital. Check in with yourself for just five minutes and ask yourself these questions:  How did you nurture yourself today? Did you do something for yourself that made you smile, no matter how small? If not, what is something you can do before bed?  A short investment of your time daily can exponentially decrease feelings that you're losing your identity. 

2. Do not let go of your hobbies and passions 

With a new partner, it can be easy to desire more joint activities. But, actively choose to give yourself and your partner the space to continue your own hobbies and activities. Do not forget yourself in the process and continue to do the things you enjoyed before your relationship. Make a point to immerse yourself in the passions and hobbies that fed your soul before your relationship.

3. Continue to spend time and stay in touch with friends 

When in a relationship, it is normal to have a shift in how you manage your time and with whom you spend it.  But, it can be easy to slip into a negative pattern of always spending time with a significant other in place of the time you would spend with friends or family. Negative practices that can develop in romantic relationships can impact non-romantic relationships with close friends or family.  While you have a relationship to nurture, many friendships will likely require a degree of relationship maintenance behaviors for closeness. Make a point to maintain your other relationships by reaching out by message, calling, or setting times to meet up for coffee or dinner to check in with the other parts of your support system outside your partner. 

4. Try new things with and without your partner 

New experiences are food for our souls and development. Pushing yourself to engage outside your habitual routines with new activities can encourage the growth of your mind, from trying new cuisines to encountering a person and hearing stories you'd otherwise never know. 

5. Always trust yourself 

In relationships, asking your partner about big decisions and goals is standard practice. These conversations can be challenging for couples as both parties have the equal ability to share and provide advice (not always desired advice). Ultimately, you need to always listen to your inner voice when it comes to chasing something you feel passionate about and trust yourself. The right partner will be there to support you in your ventures and uplift your dreams. 

Am I Ready to Get Back in the Game?

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By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Are you thinking about dating again and questioning if you are ready to get back in the game?

Starting to date again and get back out there after a significant hiatus, for any reason, can be overwhelming and might even feel surreal. 

Instead of succumbing to the stress, use this guide to take it one step at a time and break the whole dating process into smaller components. Use the following recommendations to help you think about whether you are ready for a relationship and how you might navigate dating again. 

1. Take Personal Accountability 

You must take personal accountability with respect to your role in speaking openly with a potential romantic partner for healthy communication to be the standard in any romantic relationship. 

Your feelings or thoughts of dissatisfaction, anger, or annoyance with a potential romantic partner should not be ignored, nor should they be brought forward with a negative or hostile undertone. As a part of a pair, you share the responsibility to communicate your feelings - but, how you share will ultimately inhibit, or allow growth in, your relationship.

2. Notice Your Mindset 

Being aware of your current headspace involves internal reflection. Comparing your new dating experiences to previous relationships, having unrealistic partner expectations, and being unsure of what you want are all preventable setbacks you can avoid to have greater success when dating.

Comparing new opportunities to previous relationships, taken to the extreme, is not a productive tactic but an unfortunately easy habit to slip into. When it comes to dating, framing a new relationship in the context of old ones can close your mind to new experiences that could be different and maybe even better in new ways you had not considered. To avoid unhelpful comparisons, there should be a clear separation between your past relationships and your exploration of new relationships that only YOU can make. 

Having expectations for a partner is necessary, but should be tempered. Having an open and mutual dialogue with a potential romantic partner about each of your needs is essential for a shared understanding.  That said, a romantic partner should be caring, supportive, and kind but likely will not be a magical problem solver or mind reader. Expecting a potential romantic partner to remedy or solve all of your problems in their entirety is unrealistic and can place undue and unreasonable stress on a relationship.  At the end of the day, your personal problems are ultimately your problems to understand and communicate.

Another common setback to avoid when it comes to your mindset is seeking a romantic partner just for the heck of it. Seeking out the right person is critical!  Before you invest a ton of cycles, ask yourself, are you considering how that person fits into your longer term life goals and not simply how they could evolve to fit a small piece of what you are looking for and thus leave you frustrated… which now leads us to setting goals!

3. Set Goals 

To succeed in dating, you need to set some benchmarks and attainable goals while still letting relationships evolve naturally. Per the mindset section above, maybe ask yourself what are you looking for in your future partner? Do they prioritize family? Do they travel often? Do they live an active lifestyle? What are their thoughts on work and money? What are their love languages?  These are just some ideas.  But you need to take the time to think about what really matters to you and what you need in a partner… It’s not that every potential candidate needs to check every box, but it helps to have a rough framework in your mind as you date, so that you don’t waste your time or anyone else’s.

4. Embrace the Journey

Dating is a process - there is no universal approach to what will fit your needs. While not every date will be a perfect match, they will each offer an opportunity to take something away, ideally something positive, in a new experience. All the while, be sure to continue to keep balance and dedicate time to taking care of yourself mentally and physically (spending time with family, friends, hobbies, and reflection), as this will allow you to continue to put your best foot forward and present yourself to partners in the best and most natural light.  Remember that occasionally being nervous or having conflicting emotions while dating is okay and normal. It is important to allow that confusion to exist and to know that you will learn to navigate these emotions in time by trusting yourself and being more comfortable not always knowing precisely what is next.