California Dating

Networking Mixer in Silicon Valley | 02/10/24

Dear Friends,

We're thrilled to extend an exclusive invitation to you for an evening of creating new personal connections at our first-ever event collaboration with the innovative matchmaking company, DateSpot! 

Details:

🗓️ Date: Saturday, February 10, 2024

⏰ Time: 5:00 - 8:00 PM

📍 Location: Park James Hotel

Experience:

  • Wine-tasting booths from local wineries

  • Founder/CEO of Linx Dating, Amy Andersen, dubbed “The Cupid of Silicon Valley” will have a table at event. Come say hi, learn more about Linx matchmaking, and ask Amy anything dating/relationship related!

  • Play the guest quiz to easily get to know people and have a chance to win a weekend stay at Park James Hotel

  • Matchmaking consultation & profile photo review with DateSpot's Founder (Carla)

  • A professional quality great photo to update your potential Date Spot profile done onsite by a photographer

Discounts:

  • $9 cocktail specials (including a delightful mocktail for non-drinkers)

  • Enjoy a 10% discount on dinner reservations that night (show your ticket)

  • Stay overnight for a special $199 room rate (book here)

Ticket Details:

Tickets are available here.

Secure your ticket now for this fantastic evening of mingling and fun in Silicon Valley!

XO,

Cupid

What Are Some Red Flags to Look for When Dating Someone New?

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Red flags come in all shapes and sizes, from subtle hints that something isn't quite right between the two of you, to more obvious signs that should make you stop and take notice. In this blog post we'll explore some red flags which could indicate trouble is brewing in your budding romance—so read on and arm yourself with knowledge.

Lack of communication 

Effective communication is a cornerstone of any successful relationship. If your partner refuses to share their thoughts and feelings with you, or if they're uninterested in hearing yours, this could be an indicator that the connection isn't as strong as it needs to be for lasting success. Without clear dialogue between partners, true intimacy can’t flourish—look out for signs that conversations are falling on deaf ears.

Always talking about themselves 

A successful relationship requires more than just one person's devotion; both partners must make a conscious effort to be engaged and show respect for the other. If you're noticing that your date talks without pause about themselves, it could be an indication they aren't interested in a balanced give-and-take dynamic where both of you are heard.

Possessiveness  

Possessiveness can be a slippery slope, often disguised as love. From wanting to know your every move and what you're wearing to trying to dictate who's in or out of your life - this controlling behavior needs watching for warning signs that it might turn into something more damaging down the line.

Jealousy 

A little jealousy can be cute, but excessive jealousy is a huge red flag. If your partner is constantly accusing you of cheating or interrogating you about your whereabouts, it's time to reevaluate the relationship. Jealousy can also lead to controlling behavior and can be a sign of deeper issues like insecurity or possessiveness.

A lot of talk about the ex

If your date is constantly bringing up their ex, that's a red flag. It could indicate that they're not over their past relationship or that they're still holding onto resentment. Either way, it's not a good sign for your future together.

Insecurity 

This is one of the most dangerous threats to a relationship, manifesting as jealousy and possessiveness which erode trust between partners. Look for signs like belittling behavior or an overly low sense of self-worth in your spouse - these could signal insecurity that needs to be addressed before it takes hold over your connection with them.

Dishonesty

Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, and if your partner is constantly lying to you, it's a major red flag. Whether it's about small things like where they were last night or big things like their financial situation, dishonesty can erode trust and make it difficult to build a healthy relationship.

Anger issues

If your partner has a quick temper and frequently loses their cool, it's a red flag. This type of behavior can escalate into physical or emotional abuse and can make it difficult for  your partner to have a healthy relationship.​

Lack of empathy

If your partner seems incapable of putting themselves in your shoes and understanding your feelings, it's a red flag. This type of behavior can make it difficult for your partner to have a healthy relationship and can also indicate a lack of emotional intelligence. 

It's important to be aware of the red flags that can signal trouble in a relationship. Whether it's lack of communication, controlling behavior, or dishonesty, these red flags can be warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. Remember that these red flags can sometimes be signs of deeper issues and that your date hasn’t yet processed or addressed. Just remember to trust your instincts, be honest with yourself, and seek help if you need it, and you'll be able to navigate the dating world with confidence.


How to Avoid Losing Your Identity in a Relationship

By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Newfound love brings with it a strong current that can sweep you up in the excitement of your new relationship. And habits that have turned into routines in long-term relationships can appear too burdensome to shift. It's so easy to get sucked up in that vacuum of infatuation with a new relationship or stick to old routines where self-nurturing is left by the wayside. However, the long-term effect of only focusing on your relationship's development and deprioritizing your individual identity outside of your partner can have a detrimental impact not only on the relationship but on self-esteem and personal development. 

Here are five tips to ensure that beyond the passion of a new relationship or the comfort of routine in a long-term one, you can emphasize maintaining personal growth and your sense of identity outside of your partnership. 

1. Spend 5 minutes at the end of your day on personal reflection

While it may seem straightforward to spend five minutes with yourself with no distractions, the intention during this time of reflection is vital. Check in with yourself for just five minutes and ask yourself these questions:  How did you nurture yourself today? Did you do something for yourself that made you smile, no matter how small? If not, what is something you can do before bed?  A short investment of your time daily can exponentially decrease feelings that you're losing your identity. 

2. Do not let go of your hobbies and passions 

With a new partner, it can be easy to desire more joint activities. But, actively choose to give yourself and your partner the space to continue your own hobbies and activities. Do not forget yourself in the process and continue to do the things you enjoyed before your relationship. Make a point to immerse yourself in the passions and hobbies that fed your soul before your relationship.

3. Continue to spend time and stay in touch with friends 

When in a relationship, it is normal to have a shift in how you manage your time and with whom you spend it.  But, it can be easy to slip into a negative pattern of always spending time with a significant other in place of the time you would spend with friends or family. Negative practices that can develop in romantic relationships can impact non-romantic relationships with close friends or family.  While you have a relationship to nurture, many friendships will likely require a degree of relationship maintenance behaviors for closeness. Make a point to maintain your other relationships by reaching out by message, calling, or setting times to meet up for coffee or dinner to check in with the other parts of your support system outside your partner. 

4. Try new things with and without your partner 

New experiences are food for our souls and development. Pushing yourself to engage outside your habitual routines with new activities can encourage the growth of your mind, from trying new cuisines to encountering a person and hearing stories you'd otherwise never know. 

5. Always trust yourself 

In relationships, asking your partner about big decisions and goals is standard practice. These conversations can be challenging for couples as both parties have the equal ability to share and provide advice (not always desired advice). Ultimately, you need to always listen to your inner voice when it comes to chasing something you feel passionate about and trust yourself. The right partner will be there to support you in your ventures and uplift your dreams. 

Speak Your Truth

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Too many women are just plain too afraid to express what they want when dating.  Ask yourself why you keep accepting dates with someone if you don’t know if he wants many of the things that you you want out of life? 

Speak up sooner rather than later when you’re getting to know someone. Speak your truth and speak up about what your goals are. I am a very firm believer that the right man will observe, listen, absorb, and digest what you have to say.

Many women I match are matched to guys with pre-existing kids. They know this going in, and made it clear to me they want at least one of their own biological children. The men I match them to are well aware of this.

Even in this “controlled environment” of working with a matchmaker, it is still mission critical to put out there in real time what you want, what you need, and your goals! I tell women to speak up and share these goals in the early stages and weave this into conversation in the most feminine, delicate, and reasonable way, while still being strong and vocal about it.

I advise women to watch how their date responds. Look at his body language, eye contact, engagement, and certainly what comes out of his mouth next. Radar up and antenna fully paying attention. To a man’s credit, most men will share what they are capable of and not capable of in the early stages of dating. It is the female's responsibility to pay attention, listen and to calibrate accordingly.

Men are not mind readers! Give your date your goals and open the door. The right man will lean in and walk through. In being vocal, you will quickly begin to know who the right guys are from the wrong guys. NOTE: This does NOT always mean that the right man will be an obliging puppy dog barking a simple “woof” meaning yes to everything you might want. If there are some resistance points, I advise women to watch the man’s approach and if he is willing to keep an open mind and engage with you in figuring things out, just as he would be watching to see if you will do the same.

I like using one of my married couples as a great example of a strong confident woman having the talk early on with the man she was falling in love with. I strategized with the female client very early on like on date 3 to have the talk. While she thought I was nuts, I told her to trust me. On date 3, somewhere in the middle of the date that was going swimmingly well, she brought up wanting to have a family one day and frankly not waiting till hell froze over for it to happen. Her date admired her boldness and listened. He listened carefully but didn’t say much… but opened his eyes really wide like a deer in headlights.

She also was in her late 30’s and went on further to share that she would want a relatively short courtship and to get engaged, plan the wedding, and be pregnant not too long after. The deer in headlights phenomenal continued. She wasn’t sure what to make of it but at least he listened and soaked in all her confidence. For her, it felt great having that elephant in the room addressed.

The next day when she was at work, a courier delivered her a small gift to her office. Curiously, she opened it and it was a book. The book was about raising kids from different cultures. Considering they were from very different cultures it made sense. When she told me that he had sent this book to her, I said "OMG, this is man who really listened!" He might not have said anything but this is the right man for you… he is leaning in and listening. He’s respecting your personal goals and had you not spoken the truth, you both would not know if you share the same vision. This couple has been married a decade and are blessed with a beautiful child.

So on your next date, try speaking up and see if this strategy works for you too.

Just Breathe… How to Calm Down before a Date

First date

Image by Freepik

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

First dates can be riddled with a barrage of emotions and what feels like a surge of adrenaline pumping through your body. Many men and women suffer from jitters in the early stages of dating and these emotions are normal - you’re a human after all and it would be a bit odd if you weren’t experiencing some of that.

One of the best ways to combat these nerves is first to get into the right positive mindset. Here are some of my recommendations for getting there.

1. "Meeting a Friend"

I like to tell clients to visualize that they are meeting a friend. Friends generally make us feel good about ourselves.

Side note, if you have a friend who doesn’t bring levity to your life, perhaps its time to re-evaluate your friendships - but I digress.

When in the “meeting a friend” mindset, those pesky nerves that can interfere with pre-date and during the date emotions will begin to subside. The wet palms, increased heart rate, the WTF am I doing will take a dip.

Start this visualization the minute you have a firm plan. So if your date is on Friday and it’s Monday, it’s the right time to begin. A few minutes of daily visualizations where you remind yourself this is not a big deal, you’re meeting a new friend and it’s always fun to have new friends. Rinse and repeat a couple of minutes in the mornings and evenings leading up to the actual date. I’d apply a very similar practice to interviewing for a job as well. "I know this space inside and out, they need me more than I need them, I got this, I own this, fuck yeah."

2. “Taking Care of Yourself"

Now that you’re rockin’ your positive mindset, think about anything that makes you relax. What do you do after a stressful day?

What are your coping mechanisms that are healthy outlets? A peaceful stroll in the park? Yoga? A bubble bath, a steam or sauna with dim lighting and candles and Enya playing? Why not? Some Metallica streaming through your AirPods running, pumping iron, banging out push-ups and mountain climbers? You’ve got this. Whatever your jam is, these are great ways to have stress outlets leading up to the date.

3. “Best Foot Forward"

Now that you are doing your daily visualizations and ideally bringing relaxation to your body each day, I want you now to figure out the outfit you’ll be wearing. Although you’re meeting a new friend, I want you feeling really good about yourself. Going out to the newest sushi spot in town and cocktails at that swanky bar after, find something in your closet that makes you feel alive and sexy as hell. If you’re a female, men like color. It’s funny, they’re just like a hummingbird and respond well to color.

If you’re guy reading this, wouldn’t it be so nice to pick out a crisp dress shirt with a hint of color, a beautiful belt and dark denim. Did you know women tend to look at guys shoes first? Yep, it’s true.

So if you have your ensemble picked out, I want you to hang it up on your closet door or somewhere you can see it everyday leading up to your date. Visualize how pretty you’re going to look in your red dress and heels with your soft, incredibly sensual-to-the-touch cashmere wrap. Or how studly you’re going to feel in your freshly pressed dress shirt and those pricy suede loafers you purchased after a boozy lunch with your best friend that afternoon.

Look at it, visualize it, and get into the mindset of feeling and looking really good. You got this.

The days leading up to your date, you’re getting good sleep, limiting the booze, and curbing insane amounts of caffeine... Again, this is all the same stuff I would do if I were going on a job interview and I wanted to ace it. Mindset, action, controlling environment, and treating the body like a temple!

Day of the date, listen to your favorite song when getting ready, splash your perfume/cologne on and it’s show time.

Put that outfit on and feel golden. You are amazing and are going to have a great evening! Make sure to leave plenty of time to get to the location so you don’t stress about traffic or parking.

And when you’re there, remember, just breathe, you’re meeting a friend after all….