The Matchmaking Midas Touch

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Over the past 20 years, Linx has positioned itself as the top global matchmaking firm by refusing to settle for anything less than unparalleled excellence. Amy Andersen founded the company with the mission to give high-caliber individuals a more private, premium, and high-yield alternative to dating on their own.

Linx prides itself on its stellar reputation… its membership has been built organically over 20 years by word-of-mouth recommendations and has grown into one of the most sought-after private networks of vetted single men and women in the world.

Locally, in Silicon Valley, Linx represents clients at tech companies including Apple, Meta, Amazon, Google, Netflix and recognizable venture capital firms such as Andreessen Horowitz, to name just a few. Linx Dating also represents select founders & CEOs, celebrities, prominent public figures, and members of high profile domestic and international families.

Linx’s matchmaking is tailor-made for people who have worked on themselves, are ready to make a long-term commitment and are clear on what they seek in a partner.  They are ready to jump two feet into the process and find it appealing that Linx is niche and works with only a select number of clients annually. If we were to drill down on the core “niche” of Linx, it would be elite, high-net-worth clientele, and other highly educated professionals who are commitment-minded. 

Our clientele demand privacy and discretion and recognize time as one of their most precious commodities.  This means that swiping on an app to find “the one” becomes arguably less appealing.

Speak Your Truth

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Too many women are just plain too afraid to express what they want when dating.  Ask yourself why you keep accepting dates with someone if you don’t know if he wants many of the things that you you want out of life? 

Speak up sooner rather than later when you’re getting to know someone. Speak your truth and speak up about what your goals are. I am a very firm believer that the right man will observe, listen, absorb, and digest what you have to say.

Many women I match are matched to guys with pre-existing kids. They know this going in, and made it clear to me they want at least one of their own biological children. The men I match them to are well aware of this.

Even in this “controlled environment” of working with a matchmaker, it is still mission critical to put out there in real time what you want, what you need, and your goals! I tell women to speak up and share these goals in the early stages and weave this into conversation in the most feminine, delicate, and reasonable way, while still being strong and vocal about it.

I advise women to watch how their date responds. Look at his body language, eye contact, engagement, and certainly what comes out of his mouth next. Radar up and antenna fully paying attention. To a man’s credit, most men will share what they are capable of and not capable of in the early stages of dating. It is the female's responsibility to pay attention, listen and to calibrate accordingly.

Men are not mind readers! Give your date your goals and open the door. The right man will lean in and walk through. In being vocal, you will quickly begin to know who the right guys are from the wrong guys. NOTE: This does NOT always mean that the right man will be an obliging puppy dog barking a simple “woof” meaning yes to everything you might want. If there are some resistance points, I advise women to watch the man’s approach and if he is willing to keep an open mind and engage with you in figuring things out, just as he would be watching to see if you will do the same.

I like using one of my married couples as a great example of a strong confident woman having the talk early on with the man she was falling in love with. I strategized with the female client very early on like on date 3 to have the talk. While she thought I was nuts, I told her to trust me. On date 3, somewhere in the middle of the date that was going swimmingly well, she brought up wanting to have a family one day and frankly not waiting till hell froze over for it to happen. Her date admired her boldness and listened. He listened carefully but didn’t say much… but opened his eyes really wide like a deer in headlights.

She also was in her late 30’s and went on further to share that she would want a relatively short courtship and to get engaged, plan the wedding, and be pregnant not too long after. The deer in headlights phenomenal continued. She wasn’t sure what to make of it but at least he listened and soaked in all her confidence. For her, it felt great having that elephant in the room addressed.

The next day when she was at work, a courier delivered her a small gift to her office. Curiously, she opened it and it was a book. The book was about raising kids from different cultures. Considering they were from very different cultures it made sense. When she told me that he had sent this book to her, I said "OMG, this is man who really listened!" He might not have said anything but this is the right man for you… he is leaning in and listening. He’s respecting your personal goals and had you not spoken the truth, you both would not know if you share the same vision. This couple has been married a decade and are blessed with a beautiful child.

So on your next date, try speaking up and see if this strategy works for you too.

Just Breathe… How to Calm Down before a Date

Image by Freepik

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

First dates can be riddled with a barrage of emotions and what feels like a surge of adrenaline pumping through your body. Many men and women suffer from jitters in the early stages of dating and these emotions are normal - you’re a human after all and it would be a bit odd if you weren’t experiencing some of that.

One of the best ways to combat these nerves is first to get into the right positive mindset. Here are some of my recommendations for getting there.

1. "Meeting a Friend"

I like to tell clients to visualize that they are meeting a friend. Friends generally make us feel good about ourselves.

Side note, if you have a friend who doesn’t bring levity to your life, perhaps its time to re-evaluate your friendships - but I digress.

When in the “meeting a friend” mindset, those pesky nerves that can interfere with pre-date and during the date emotions will begin to subside. The wet palms, increased heart rate, the WTF am I doing will take a dip.

Start this visualization the minute you have a firm plan. So if your date is on Friday and it’s Monday, it’s the right time to begin. A few minutes of daily visualizations where you remind yourself this is not a big deal, you’re meeting a new friend and it’s always fun to have new friends. Rinse and repeat a couple of minutes in the mornings and evenings leading up to the actual date. I’d apply a very similar practice to interviewing for a job as well. "I know this space inside and out, they need me more than I need them, I got this, I own this, fuck yeah."

2. “Taking Care of Yourself"

Now that you’re rockin’ your positive mindset, think about anything that makes you relax. What do you do after a stressful day?

What are your coping mechanisms that are healthy outlets? A peaceful stroll in the park? Yoga? A bubble bath, a steam or sauna with dim lighting and candles and Enya playing? Why not? Some Metallica streaming through your AirPods running, pumping iron, banging out push-ups and mountain climbers? You’ve got this. Whatever your jam is, these are great ways to have stress outlets leading up to the date.

3. “Best Foot Forward"

Now that you are doing your daily visualizations and ideally bringing relaxation to your body each day, I want you now to figure out the outfit you’ll be wearing. Although you’re meeting a new friend, I want you feeling really good about yourself. Going out to the newest sushi spot in town and cocktails at that swanky bar after, find something in your closet that makes you feel alive and sexy as hell. If you’re a female, men like color. It’s funny, they’re just like a hummingbird and respond well to color.

If you’re guy reading this, wouldn’t it be so nice to pick out a crisp dress shirt with a hint of color, a beautiful belt and dark denim. Did you know women tend to look at guys shoes first? Yep, it’s true.

So if you have your ensemble picked out, I want you to hang it up on your closet door or somewhere you can see it everyday leading up to your date. Visualize how pretty you’re going to look in your red dress and heels with your soft, incredibly sensual-to-the-touch cashmere wrap. Or how studly you’re going to feel in your freshly pressed dress shirt and those pricy suede loafers you purchased after a boozy lunch with your best friend that afternoon.

Look at it, visualize it, and get into the mindset of feeling and looking really good. You got this.

The days leading up to your date, you’re getting good sleep, limiting the booze, and curbing insane amounts of caffeine... Again, this is all the same stuff I would do if I were going on a job interview and I wanted to ace it. Mindset, action, controlling environment, and treating the body like a temple!

Day of the date, listen to your favorite song when getting ready, splash your perfume/cologne on and it’s show time.

Put that outfit on and feel golden. You are amazing and are going to have a great evening! Make sure to leave plenty of time to get to the location so you don’t stress about traffic or parking.

And when you’re there, remember, just breathe, you’re meeting a friend after all….

That Certain Someone

Getting back into the dating game? Silicon Valley’s undisputed Cupid, Amy Andersen, discusses the baseline for making a real love connection.

By Michael McCarthy, Modern Luxury’s Silicon Valley Magazine, July 2022

Photo by Annie Barnett

Amy Andersen is a big believer in total honesty. It’s a job requirement. As the founder of Linx Dating (linxdating.com, amy@ linxdating.com), she’s the linchpin for countless love matches in Silicon Valley. “It’s very healthy to do an honest assessment of oneself and take the necessary action to make room for finding a great partner,” she says about the self-candor she preaches with clients. As we gear up for summer and perhaps begin a new love-life chapter, Andersen offers some advice about finding those who make our lives complete, heart and soul. 

Dating is tricky. There’s physical chemistry, of course, but how do people build on non-physical chemistry to create stronger relationships? 

Focus on the emotional and intellectual [parts of a relationship]. This will come from engaging around shared experiences and anything you both love to do—whether that’s watching a movie or TV show together, live sports or music, walking or hiking, a meal out or at home, travel or reading. I think humor, in particular, is powerful. It lightens the mood and is, in some ways, the greatest example of empathy when you can share a laugh. All of these things can lead to increased and better communication, enjoyment, comfort, and vulnerability—and a deeper connection. I also recommend studying The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It can give you tremendous insight on what a partner most appreciates, whether that’s gifts, words of affirmation, touch, time spent together or acts of service. 

The most successful people learn to evolve emotionally, intellectually and socially. How do we assess ourselves in relation to the dating game?

I suggest clients take the opportunity to focus on themselves; if they’re in a good place, they’ll attract others who are in a good place. They should take stock of their physical and mental health—what could improve? How can they eliminate any unnecessary negativity and toxic stress from their lives? Remember, all of this starts from being in a healthy place in your life, putting in the hard work, and then inviting that person in at the right time.   This can be anything from fitness, nutrition and sleep. The older I get, the more I work to remove any negativity in my life. I don’t hang around toxic people or gossipy types and do a lot to keep myself balanced emotionally, mentally and physically. Keeping an open mind is critical. If people are in a good place and are open to new experiences, they will be receptive to new ways to connect with a partner. One piece of simple advice is never to refuse an invitation to a party, event or perhaps a friend’s dinner gathering. Always say yes. You never know who you’ll meet. By saying yes instead of no, you’re putting yourself out there, expanding your social network and opening up new opportunities and conversations. I’m all about diversification of one’s routine and creating optionality. 

What about clients who are trying to remake themselves as they enter the dating world? 

I see this more often when someone is going through a divorce or breakup and wants to feel empowered and look gorgeous from the inside and out. That said, I see some younger clients definitely getting regular Botox to ease crows feet and lines on the forehead. No matter where we go in the world, across cultures, there’s always going to be a perceived value in youthfulness. For some clients who want to have a refreshed appearance, it can be as simple as a visit to a medspa for a consultation— someone like Dr. Stephen Ronan of Blackhawk Plastic Surgery + MedSpa (blackhawkplasticsurgery.com)—for injectables like Botox or fi ller, or learning how a cuttingedge laser treatment can help resurface the face and neck. And, yes, hair transplantation for guys too. Noninvasive procedures like Coolsculpting also are incredible to help smooth stubborn parts of the body and boost confi dence in so many ways.

Is it me, or is summer dating easier because of the endless options for fun? 

You are not wrong. We are particularly blessed in the Bay Area with so many beautiful attractions and great music, food and wine. I always tell my clients that their dates— especially in the early stages—should be light, easy and breezy. Stay away from heavy topics and grilling your date like it’s an interrogation. Make the dates fun, and go flirt. Most importantly, give your date a chance. Remember, a lot of people come into first dates with nerves and, therefore, it’s really important to go out two or three times and then decide if it makes sense to keep exploring or graciously close the loop and move on.

How much sex (or lack thereof) is “normal” to be having

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Whether you’re enjoying the newness of a fresh relationship or comfortable after years together, you can count on your sex life-changing. What is hot and heavy at first may calm to sporadic bedroom sessions. Or, maybe that initially awkward and mediocre sex (that perhaps you don’t want very often) can evolve to gratifying, explosive orgasms (that you’d enjoy twice daily). With such a wide spectrum, is there a baseline amount of sex we should be having?

According to the Kinsey Institute for research in Sex, Reproduction and Gender, the best predictor of sexual frequency is age—not marital status. Researchers found that, on average, people between 18-29 have 112 sex sessions a year; people between 30-39 have 86 sex sessions a year; and people between 40-49 have 69 sex sessions a year.

Wondering about the 50+ crowd? After surveying over 8000 participants over the age of 50, The Normal Bar found that 31 percent enjoy sex multiple times a week; 28 percent enjoy sex a few times a month; and 8 percent have sex once a month. Nearly a third of respondents rarely have sex at all. (Jorgensen, 2022)

Worried about your sex life losing steam? There is an upside: Although the quantity of sex may decrease with age, the quality gets better. In one study, researchers attributed the higher levels of sexual satisfaction in menopausal and post-menopausal women to their confidence, managed expectations, and ability to prioritize their sexual needs.

We’re below average! Is there a problem?

Not necessarily. In one study led by Amy Muise of The University of Toronto-Mississauga, researchers found that couples who have sex every night are just as happy as the couples who have sex once a week. In another study, researchers asked half of the 64 married couples participating to double the amount of sex they typically have. When comparing happiness levels from the cohort having more sex to the cohort sticking to their usual sex amounts, researchers found no increase in happiness. Instead, the couples with the doubled sex requirement reported lower energy levels and sexual dissatisfaction.

The findings show that real satisfaction doesn’t stem from the amount of sex, but rather from the quality of sexual experience. Sex is a vehicle for connectivity; some couples need to have sex to be connected and others can achieve connectivity other ways. In other words, as long as you and your partner feel connected, the amount of sex is secondary. “It’s important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner without putting too much pressure on engaging in sex as frequently as possible,” said Muise.

Is there a such thing as too little sex?

Technically, couples who have sex less than ten times a year are considered “sexless”. For older couples, the declining amount of sex is perfectly acceptable. But, for other couples, a mismatched libido can pose problems. If you haven’t been in the mood, take a closer look at your medications—especially antidepressants and antihistamines—and get your hormone levels checked. If you’ve ruled out physical causes, consider a fake-it-till-you-make-it approach; having sexual experiences can actually produce hormones that trigger higher levels of desire. If sex isn’t on the table, engaging in foreplay can also help fuel the flames of desire. Touching, holding, kissing, and other forms of physical contact stimulates oxytocin—a chemical that gives you feelings of closeness and connectedness with your partner.

What if we’re having too much sex?

Lucky you–literally! According to sex therapists and medical professionals, there is no such as too much sex; however, if your desire for sex is interfering with your job or relationships, you should consider chatting with a therapist.

Sources:

Jorgensen, B. (2022, November 15). Sex frequency statistics. Bedbible.com. Retrieved June 30, 2022, from https://bedbible.com/sex-frequency-statistics/

Loewenstein, G., Krishnamurti, T., Kopsic, J., & McDonald, D. (2015). Does increased sexual frequency enhance happiness? Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization, 116, 206–218. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jebo.2015.04.021

Muise, A., Schimmack, U., & Impett, E. A. (2015). Sexual frequency predicts greater well-being, but more is not always better. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 7(4), 295–302. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550615616462