Getting back into the dating game? Silicon Valley’s undisputed Cupid, Amy Andersen, discusses the baseline for making a real love connection.
By Michael McCarthy, Modern Luxury’s Silicon Valley Magazine, July 2022
Photo by Annie Barnett
Amy Andersen is a big believer in total honesty. It’s a job requirement. As the founder of Linx Dating (linxdating.com, amy@ linxdating.com), she’s the linchpin for countless love matches in Silicon Valley. “It’s very healthy to do an honest assessment of oneself and take the necessary action to make room for finding a great partner,” she says about the self-candor she preaches with clients. As we gear up for summer and perhaps begin a new love-life chapter, Andersen offers some advice about finding those who make our lives complete, heart and soul.
Dating is tricky. There’s physical chemistry, of course, but how do people build on non-physical chemistry to create stronger relationships?
Focus on the emotional and intellectual [parts of a relationship]. This will come from engaging around shared experiences and anything you both love to do—whether that’s watching a movie or TV show together, live sports or music, walking or hiking, a meal out or at home, travel or reading. I think humor, in particular, is powerful. It lightens the mood and is, in some ways, the greatest example of empathy when you can share a laugh. All of these things can lead to increased and better communication, enjoyment, comfort, and vulnerability—and a deeper connection. I also recommend studying The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It can give you tremendous insight on what a partner most appreciates, whether that’s gifts, words of affirmation, touch, time spent together or acts of service.
The most successful people learn to evolve emotionally, intellectually and socially. How do we assess ourselves in relation to the dating game?
I suggest clients take the opportunity to focus on themselves; if they’re in a good place, they’ll attract others who are in a good place. They should take stock of their physical and mental health—what could improve? How can they eliminate any unnecessary negativity and toxic stress from their lives? Remember, all of this starts from being in a healthy place in your life, putting in the hard work, and then inviting that person in at the right time. This can be anything from fitness, nutrition and sleep. The older I get, the more I work to remove any negativity in my life. I don’t hang around toxic people or gossipy types and do a lot to keep myself balanced emotionally, mentally and physically. Keeping an open mind is critical. If people are in a good place and are open to new experiences, they will be receptive to new ways to connect with a partner. One piece of simple advice is never to refuse an invitation to a party, event or perhaps a friend’s dinner gathering. Always say yes. You never know who you’ll meet. By saying yes instead of no, you’re putting yourself out there, expanding your social network and opening up new opportunities and conversations. I’m all about diversification of one’s routine and creating optionality.
What about clients who are trying to remake themselves as they enter the dating world?
I see this more often when someone is going through a divorce or breakup and wants to feel empowered and look gorgeous from the inside and out. That said, I see some younger clients definitely getting regular Botox to ease crows feet and lines on the forehead. No matter where we go in the world, across cultures, there’s always going to be a perceived value in youthfulness. For some clients who want to have a refreshed appearance, it can be as simple as a visit to a medspa for a consultation— someone like Dr. Stephen Ronan of Blackhawk Plastic Surgery + MedSpa (blackhawkplasticsurgery.com)—for injectables like Botox or fi ller, or learning how a cuttingedge laser treatment can help resurface the face and neck. And, yes, hair transplantation for guys too. Noninvasive procedures like Coolsculpting also are incredible to help smooth stubborn parts of the body and boost confi dence in so many ways.
Is it me, or is summer dating easier because of the endless options for fun?
You are not wrong. We are particularly blessed in the Bay Area with so many beautiful attractions and great music, food and wine. I always tell my clients that their dates— especially in the early stages—should be light, easy and breezy. Stay away from heavy topics and grilling your date like it’s an interrogation. Make the dates fun, and go flirt. Most importantly, give your date a chance. Remember, a lot of people come into first dates with nerves and, therefore, it’s really important to go out two or three times and then decide if it makes sense to keep exploring or graciously close the loop and move on.