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By Dani Geary for Linx Dating
Are you thinking about dating again and questioning if you are ready to get back in the game?
Starting to date again and get back out there after a significant hiatus, for any reason, can be overwhelming and might even feel surreal.
Instead of succumbing to the stress, use this guide to take it one step at a time and break the whole dating process into smaller components. Use the following recommendations to help you think about whether you are ready for a relationship and how you might navigate dating again.
1. Take Personal Accountability
You must take personal accountability with respect to your role in speaking openly with a potential romantic partner for healthy communication to be the standard in any romantic relationship.
Your feelings or thoughts of dissatisfaction, anger, or annoyance with a potential romantic partner should not be ignored, nor should they be brought forward with a negative or hostile undertone. As a part of a pair, you share the responsibility to communicate your feelings - but, how you share will ultimately inhibit, or allow growth in, your relationship.
2. Notice Your Mindset
Being aware of your current headspace involves internal reflection. Comparing your new dating experiences to previous relationships, having unrealistic partner expectations, and being unsure of what you want are all preventable setbacks you can avoid to have greater success when dating.
Comparing new opportunities to previous relationships, taken to the extreme, is not a productive tactic but an unfortunately easy habit to slip into. When it comes to dating, framing a new relationship in the context of old ones can close your mind to new experiences that could be different and maybe even better in new ways you had not considered. To avoid unhelpful comparisons, there should be a clear separation between your past relationships and your exploration of new relationships that only YOU can make.
Having expectations for a partner is necessary, but should be tempered. Having an open and mutual dialogue with a potential romantic partner about each of your needs is essential for a shared understanding. That said, a romantic partner should be caring, supportive, and kind but likely will not be a magical problem solver or mind reader. Expecting a potential romantic partner to remedy or solve all of your problems in their entirety is unrealistic and can place undue and unreasonable stress on a relationship. At the end of the day, your personal problems are ultimately your problems to understand and communicate.
Another common setback to avoid when it comes to your mindset is seeking a romantic partner just for the heck of it. Seeking out the right person is critical! Before you invest a ton of cycles, ask yourself, are you considering how that person fits into your longer term life goals and not simply how they could evolve to fit a small piece of what you are looking for and thus leave you frustrated… which now leads us to setting goals!
3. Set Goals
To succeed in dating, you need to set some benchmarks and attainable goals while still letting relationships evolve naturally. Per the mindset section above, maybe ask yourself what are you looking for in your future partner? Do they prioritize family? Do they travel often? Do they live an active lifestyle? What are their thoughts on work and money? What are their love languages? These are just some ideas. But you need to take the time to think about what really matters to you and what you need in a partner… It’s not that every potential candidate needs to check every box, but it helps to have a rough framework in your mind as you date, so that you don’t waste your time or anyone else’s.
4. Embrace the Journey
Dating is a process - there is no universal approach to what will fit your needs. While not every date will be a perfect match, they will each offer an opportunity to take something away, ideally something positive, in a new experience. All the while, be sure to continue to keep balance and dedicate time to taking care of yourself mentally and physically (spending time with family, friends, hobbies, and reflection), as this will allow you to continue to put your best foot forward and present yourself to partners in the best and most natural light. Remember that occasionally being nervous or having conflicting emotions while dating is okay and normal. It is important to allow that confusion to exist and to know that you will learn to navigate these emotions in time by trusting yourself and being more comfortable not always knowing precisely what is next.