Are You Ready To Move In Together?

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Moving in together is a huge step in the relationship; it’s a chance to deepen your connection and move forward.  But, before signing the lease, here are the 5 most important topics to cover BEFORE moving in along with some suggested “conversation starters,” that you can adapt to your style and situation.

1. Long-term goals and dreams

Before moving in together, discuss your long-term goals as a couple. This can include everything from career aspirations to family planning. Make sure you're both on the same page and have similar visions for the future.

Conversation starter: “I’m excited to move in together, but I need a better sense of long-term plans to make me feel confident and take next steps. Are you ready to talk about this?”

2. Financial situations and planning

Money can be a major source of stress in any relationship, so it's important to be clear about your individual financial situations and discuss how you'll split expenses. You should also consider setting up a joint account to cover emergencies or household bills.

Conversation starter: “When we talk about moving in, I think we should talk through all the financial parts, so I can plan budget, save and plan accordingly. It’s important to me that we move forward without financial mysteries; it’ll save us both headaches.”

3. Household management

Living together means sharing household responsibilities. How will you divide up tasks such as cleaning, cooking, and grocery shopping? Are there chores you could outsource? Make sure you're both comfortable with the expectations around the house. 

Conversation starter: “Taking care of a house or apartment together is a big deal. How do you think we should think about our new chores. I call dibs on the cooking, but I would need help with dishes.” 

4. Find ways to compromise

If you live together, you’ll need to compromise. Whether it’s about furniture, bedtimes or entertaining, it’s important to strike that balance on what will make the relationship stronger vs. your individual happiness. 

Conversation starter: “I’m used to living by myself, so I’m particular about clutter and making sure we don’t have too many guests. What’s your stance? What would be ideal for you?”

5. Establish boundaries

Setting boundaries is ultimately going to help you maintain peace and privacy without distancing yourself from your partner. It may feel a bit mechanical in the beginning, but it will ultimately pave the way for a harmonious living situation.

Conversation starter: “I will be working from the home office, so I need to work distraction-free until 4. If I can work straight through, I won’t have to work nights, so I really need time to focus.”

Ultimately, the path to a seamless living situation is paved with open and honest communication. And, as they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so please get clear about your needs and expectations prior to moving in. 

Why You Should Date Outside Your Type

What is a type

Listening to someone describes their type, you will often hear descriptions of physical characteristics (e.g., height, eye color, hair color, etc.) commonly superseding any personality traits (e.g., interests, passions, hobbies) mentioned. People frequently chase a specific type and will exclusively seek out this type when dating. But does the type they're pursuing really make sense for them? People can overlook certain non-favorable traits in a potential romantic partner if they fall into their "perfect type," hoping the rest of the desirable characteristics will develop later on. This approach of solely dating the same type can render unhealthy dating patterns.

Having a Type vs. Having Basic Criteria 

It's normal to have a few basic core elements of what you desire in your future partner- that could be race, age, religion, or specific personality traits but beyond that, chemistry is entirely elusive, and you must be OPEN to love in all shapes and forms. Closing yourself off to possibilities when someone is outside your standard type is a surefire way to limit your dating experience. Acknowledge your pattern, its current success rate, and ultimately if searching outside your type could greatly benefit your dating life. 

How to Break The Pattern 

When dating, having a consistent pattern that has always left you with the seemingly wrong type doesn't break without a conscious effort. Breaking the pattern begins with expanding your scope of thinking to pursue other types of romantic partners as an exciting experience. A willingness to be mentally and romantically open to the uncertainty of someone outside your typical type could bring the perfect match.  

As a professional Matchmaker for around 20 years, some of my most brilliant matches have been outliers. In other words, my clients took a chance and were willing to deviate from their total ideal match criteria, and when they kept an open mind and heart, that was the moment they met the love of their life!

Discussing Sexual History Before Sleeping Together

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Talking about your sexual history before sleeping together is an important part of developing a healthy relationship. Spearheading this conversation will help you both understand each other better and build trust in the relationship, but it’s not always easy to talk about something so intimate—especially if you have different views or expectations. However, if you’re looking for a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship, conversation is the first step. Here are some tips on how to approach and discuss your sexual history with your partner before getting intimate.

Before discussing such a sensitive subject, set the right time and place for it. Find a quiet spot where there won’t be any distractions or interruptions so that both of you can focus on having an open conversation without feeling rushed or uncomfortable. Maybe prepare a mental outline of everything you want to cover in advance. Though it might seem less than romantic, a bit of structure to this discussion can help you both feel more at ease.

Having a conversation about your sexual history can help you and your partner make informed decisions around sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It’s crucial to be aware of each other’s sexual health status and history to ensure that you’re both taking the appropriate precautions. Having an honest conversation about health history is a sign of respect for yourself and for your partner; if you are sensing judgement or your partner is making you feel alone in the conversation, it might be for the best to delay physical intimacy until you can communicate with more openness.

Of course discussing sexual history isn’t always easy and requires a little more sensitivity. Try starting with your own sexual history and share as much detail as you would hope to receive. You might open with something like, “I’d like to take things in a more physical direction, but I just want to check in with you about what that means for me. I want to prioritize our health, so if you feel the same, let’s find some time to talk.” You taking the initiative around the subject will help set the tone for an open and honest discussion and give your partner the space to share their own experiences.

Everyone’s sexual history is different, and it’s important not to judge your partner based on their past experiences. Everyone has their own unique journey when it comes to sex and how they define sexually satisfying experiences.

If the conversation is heading in an uncomfortable direction, set boundaries and be clear about your comfort level. If there are certain topics or experiences that you’re not comfortable discussing, it’s okay to express say something like, “I think we’re in a place where I feel comfortable moving forward physically. I don’t think additional details will help us build a stronger relationship.”

Though tricky, communicating openly and honestly with your partners and prioritizing your own physical and emotional well-being will help pave the way for deeper relationships— physically and emotionally.

How To Keep The Spark Alive In a Relationship

UpJourney’s Article Written by The Editors, How to Keep the Spark Alive in a Relationship (60+ Exciting Ways) features contributions from Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating (Visit UpJourney to view the full article)

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

A relationship can start in a whirlwind of excitement and euphoria but suddenly fade without a single spark left behind. 

It can be challenging to always feel the spark between you and your partner, especially if you have been together a long time and have yet to place effort into rekindling that spark. It is a cohesive effort from both partners to bring back or maintain that fiery connection you felt and drew you together initially. 

Here are my three tips to rekindle that spark with your partner:

• Discuss what drew you together initially

• Prioritize communication

• Do something playful

Talk about what drew you together initially over a romantic dinner date

When wanting to reignite that spark, it’s essential to slow down and bring back focus to romance. Share one and others’ company over a romantic dinner date curated to highlight shared feelings of love and connection you built your relationship on.

Prioritize communication through a shared activity 

Getting that spark back in a relationship takes consistent effort; it does not happen “eventually.” It mandates direct communication between partners. 

Spend quality time with your partner doing something it does not need to be extravagant or some unwanted task, do an activity together, kayak or go hiking, or do something as simple as a walk around the block. Create an environment to communicate openly by sharing a joint activity.

Do something playful to nurture your inner child

Be carefree and have a relaxed headspace where you’re not thinking so hard. Do something playful or goofy, like a theme or amusement park, trampoline park, paint, or ceramic classes. 

Nurture your inner child together! If you want things to be exciting again in your relationship, then get excited about something together.

How to Avoid Losing Your Identity in a Relationship

By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Newfound love brings with it a strong current that can sweep you up in the excitement of your new relationship. And habits that have turned into routines in long-term relationships can appear too burdensome to shift. It's so easy to get sucked up in that vacuum of infatuation with a new relationship or stick to old routines where self-nurturing is left by the wayside. However, the long-term effect of only focusing on your relationship's development and deprioritizing your individual identity outside of your partner can have a detrimental impact not only on the relationship but on self-esteem and personal development. 

Here are five tips to ensure that beyond the passion of a new relationship or the comfort of routine in a long-term one, you can emphasize maintaining personal growth and your sense of identity outside of your partnership. 

1. Spend 5 minutes at the end of your day on personal reflection

While it may seem straightforward to spend five minutes with yourself with no distractions, the intention during this time of reflection is vital. Check in with yourself for just five minutes and ask yourself these questions:  How did you nurture yourself today? Did you do something for yourself that made you smile, no matter how small? If not, what is something you can do before bed?  A short investment of your time daily can exponentially decrease feelings that you're losing your identity. 

2. Do not let go of your hobbies and passions 

With a new partner, it can be easy to desire more joint activities. But, actively choose to give yourself and your partner the space to continue your own hobbies and activities. Do not forget yourself in the process and continue to do the things you enjoyed before your relationship. Make a point to immerse yourself in the passions and hobbies that fed your soul before your relationship.

3. Continue to spend time and stay in touch with friends 

When in a relationship, it is normal to have a shift in how you manage your time and with whom you spend it.  But, it can be easy to slip into a negative pattern of always spending time with a significant other in place of the time you would spend with friends or family. Negative practices that can develop in romantic relationships can impact non-romantic relationships with close friends or family.  While you have a relationship to nurture, many friendships will likely require a degree of relationship maintenance behaviors for closeness. Make a point to maintain your other relationships by reaching out by message, calling, or setting times to meet up for coffee or dinner to check in with the other parts of your support system outside your partner. 

4. Try new things with and without your partner 

New experiences are food for our souls and development. Pushing yourself to engage outside your habitual routines with new activities can encourage the growth of your mind, from trying new cuisines to encountering a person and hearing stories you'd otherwise never know. 

5. Always trust yourself 

In relationships, asking your partner about big decisions and goals is standard practice. These conversations can be challenging for couples as both parties have the equal ability to share and provide advice (not always desired advice). Ultimately, you need to always listen to your inner voice when it comes to chasing something you feel passionate about and trust yourself. The right partner will be there to support you in your ventures and uplift your dreams.