Moving in together is a huge step in the relationship; it’s a chance to deepen your connection and move forward. But, before signing the lease, here are the 5 most important topics to cover BEFORE moving in along with some suggested “conversation starters,” that you can adapt to your style and situation.
1. Long-term goals and dreams
Before moving in together, discuss your long-term goals as a couple. This can include everything from career aspirations to family planning. Make sure you're both on the same page and have similar visions for the future.
Conversation starter: “I’m excited to move in together, but I need a better sense of long-term plans to make me feel confident and take next steps. Are you ready to talk about this?”
2. Financial situations and planning
Money can be a major source of stress in any relationship, so it's important to be clear about your individual financial situations and discuss how you'll split expenses. You should also consider setting up a joint account to cover emergencies or household bills.
Conversation starter: “When we talk about moving in, I think we should talk through all the financial parts, so I can plan budget, save and plan accordingly. It’s important to me that we move forward without financial mysteries; it’ll save us both headaches.”
3. Household management
Living together means sharing household responsibilities. How will you divide up tasks such as cleaning, cooking, and grocery shopping? Are there chores you could outsource? Make sure you're both comfortable with the expectations around the house.
Conversation starter: “Taking care of a house or apartment together is a big deal. How do you think we should think about our new chores. I call dibs on the cooking, but I would need help with dishes.”
4. Find ways to compromise
If you live together, you’ll need to compromise. Whether it’s about furniture, bedtimes or entertaining, it’s important to strike that balance on what will make the relationship stronger vs. your individual happiness.
Conversation starter: “I’m used to living by myself, so I’m particular about clutter and making sure we don’t have too many guests. What’s your stance? What would be ideal for you?”
5. Establish boundaries
Setting boundaries is ultimately going to help you maintain peace and privacy without distancing yourself from your partner. It may feel a bit mechanical in the beginning, but it will ultimately pave the way for a harmonious living situation.
Conversation starter: “I will be working from the home office, so I need to work distraction-free until 4. If I can work straight through, I won’t have to work nights, so I really need time to focus.”
Ultimately, the path to a seamless living situation is paved with open and honest communication. And, as they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so please get clear about your needs and expectations prior to moving in.