Three Signs You Have Found Your Soulmate

UpJourney’s Article Written by The Editors, 60+ Signs You’ve Found Your Soulmate features contributions from Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating (Visit UpJourney to view the full article)

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“ There is nothing more exciting than meeting someone you feel could very well be “the one.”

Here are my top three signs that you have found your soul mate:

1. You can count on him

Being able to rely on your partner for support is a big part of a sustainable relationship, and he will want to show you that he can handle one.

• It’s easy to feel infatuated when everything is going well, but does he have staying power when things get a little complicated?

• How did he react when you had a blow-up at work? 

• Was he available when you were sick with a nasty cold?

If he always shows up for you, he’s proving to you he could very well be your soulmate.

2. He makes you feel secure

When a man is seriously interested, he wants to make you feel safe—physically and emotionally. In large crowds, he will help navigate you. If someone appears aggressive, your man is on alert. He’s an extra pair of eyes and ears, making your physical well-being a priority.

You’ll also notice that your man wants you to feel your best. You won’t feel jealous of other women because your man takes time to compliment and remind you of all the reasons you are special, even when you woke up on the wrong side of the bed or are just having a bad day.

3. He takes it slow

Having physical intimacy at the right time becomes the goal. There is no pressure or focus on the sexual aspects of your relationship because he knows that this part will evolve at its own pace.

Men seeking casual flings will put an enormous amount of focus on the physical. Dates may seem rushed or overly casual and may feel more like activities to fill time until it becomes suitable to have intimacy.

How would he respond if you nixed the date without spending the night? If you predict any backlash whatsoever, he’s probably more interested in sexy time than learning about you.

If you are dating someone that checks these three boxes, you’re lucky!

Keep dating them through the seasons (at least one year), and don’t be afraid to have very honest conversations about your personal goals. The right man will listen and pay attention to what you’re saying because he cares.

While it might not be on his exact timeline, he will certainly listen and be mature enough to have transparent conversations about a future with you and what that might look like. ”

Three Signs He is Emotionally Unavailable

UpJourney’s Article Written by The Editors, 60+ Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Man features contributions from Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating (Visit UpJourney to view the full article)

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“ There is nothing more frustrating than heading towards a serious, monogamous relationship only to hear your could-be-significant-other say, “I just don’t think I’m ready to commit.” 

Save yourself time, energy, and heartache by choosing men who want—not be convinced to want—a longer-term relationship and are emotionally available.

My top three signs he is emotionally unavailable: 

1. He is not intentional 

An emotionally unavailable man does not think about doing things and activities together. There are no actual plans in the works to see you. He invites you to hang out super casually, where he might mention that you should “drop by” his weekend BBQ. 

An emotionally available man makes commitments, asks you out, and figures out a time based on your schedule. You’ll also notice that dates with an emotionally available man are somewhat tailored to your preferences. 

Emotionally available men want to share great moments with you—and that starts with thoughtful planning. 

2. He’s not reliable

If he is not showing up for you, this is a big sign that he is not emotionally available. 

Being able to rely on your partner for support is a big part of a sustainable relationship, and he will want to show you that he can handle one. 

It’s easy to feel infatuated when everything is going well, but does he have staying power when things get a little, hmmm, complicated? 

How did he react when you had a blow-up at work? 

Was he available when you were sick with a nasty cold? 

If he always shows up for you, he’s showing that he’s worth the emotional investment. 

3. He’s not great with communication 

Emotionally unavailable men can make it difficult for you to understand how they feel about you. 

They are not interested in learning about you beyond the surface and are certainly not willing to put in the work in terms of communication. 

An emotionally available man can be straightforward about his feelings for you. He is attentive to the things that are important to you and is generally a good communicator. 

If you are dating someone with checks any of these signs that a man is not emotionally available, I encourage you to re-evaluate where you’re at and if your needs are being met. 

If you checked more than one of these signs, chances are you might need to muster up the courage to move on to a man who can invest in a healthy and balanced relationship with you. ”

Speak Your Truth

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Too many women are just plain too afraid to express what they want when dating.  Ask yourself why you keep accepting dates with someone if you don’t know if he wants many of the things that you you want out of life? 

Speak up sooner rather than later when you’re getting to know someone. Speak your truth and speak up about what your goals are. I am a very firm believer that the right man will observe, listen, absorb, and digest what you have to say.

Many women I match are matched to guys with pre-existing kids. They know this going in, and made it clear to me they want at least one of their own biological children. The men I match them to are well aware of this.

Even in this “controlled environment” of working with a matchmaker, it is still mission critical to put out there in real time what you want, what you need, and your goals! I tell women to speak up and share these goals in the early stages and weave this into conversation in the most feminine, delicate, and reasonable way, while still being strong and vocal about it.

I advise women to watch how their date responds. Look at his body language, eye contact, engagement, and certainly what comes out of his mouth next. Radar up and antenna fully paying attention. To a man’s credit, most men will share what they are capable of and not capable of in the early stages of dating. It is the female's responsibility to pay attention, listen and to calibrate accordingly.

Men are not mind readers! Give your date your goals and open the door. The right man will lean in and walk through. In being vocal, you will quickly begin to know who the right guys are from the wrong guys. NOTE: This does NOT always mean that the right man will be an obliging puppy dog barking a simple “woof” meaning yes to everything you might want. If there are some resistance points, I advise women to watch the man’s approach and if he is willing to keep an open mind and engage with you in figuring things out, just as he would be watching to see if you will do the same.

I like using one of my married couples as a great example of a strong confident woman having the talk early on with the man she was falling in love with. I strategized with the female client very early on like on date 3 to have the talk. While she thought I was nuts, I told her to trust me. On date 3, somewhere in the middle of the date that was going swimmingly well, she brought up wanting to have a family one day and frankly not waiting till hell froze over for it to happen. Her date admired her boldness and listened. He listened carefully but didn’t say much… but opened his eyes really wide like a deer in headlights.

She also was in her late 30’s and went on further to share that she would want a relatively short courtship and to get engaged, plan the wedding, and be pregnant not too long after. The deer in headlights phenomenal continued. She wasn’t sure what to make of it but at least he listened and soaked in all her confidence. For her, it felt great having that elephant in the room addressed.

The next day when she was at work, a courier delivered her a small gift to her office. Curiously, she opened it and it was a book. The book was about raising kids from different cultures. Considering they were from very different cultures it made sense. When she told me that he had sent this book to her, I said "OMG, this is man who really listened!" He might not have said anything but this is the right man for you… he is leaning in and listening. He’s respecting your personal goals and had you not spoken the truth, you both would not know if you share the same vision. This couple has been married a decade and are blessed with a beautiful child.

So on your next date, try speaking up and see if this strategy works for you too.

Four Things That Can Prevent a Friendship With an Ex

UpJourney’s Article Written by The Editors, I Still Love My Ex. What Should I Do? (60+ Expert Tips) features contributions from Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating (Visit UpJourney to view the full article)

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Becoming friends with your ex is not the solution

“ After sharing love and a life together, severing all contact with an ex sounds like a harsh outcome, to say the least, but is maintaining ties with an ex worthwhile? 

Traditional advice seems to support “clean breaks” and “moving on,” but is there something to be said for pursuing friendship in lieu of separation? 

Getting over an ex takes time, and becoming friends as a quick transition directly from a romantic to a platonic relationship is not the solution. Well, definitely not a solution that takes minimal effort or would be described as a walk in the park. 

You need to ask yourself why you want to stay friends, and are you even ready to have a friendship?

Before you can be friends with an ex, you have to consider four different relationship domains that can prevent a successful friendship:

1. Continued romantic attraction

You’re still hoping the relationship could return to a romantic nature and have a romantic attraction. 

This is a direct indicator you are likely not ready for a friendship and reserving your romantic attraction is not possible to foster a friendship at this time.  

2. Reliability/sentimentality

You think your ex “gets you” more than anyone else, and you believe you could count on them to have your back and understand your perspective. 

With the changing nature from romantic to platonic, you have to assess if reaching out to an ex-romantic partner is a result of dependability—not their specific advice or expertise. 

If you favor reaching out to your ex before any other friends for advice or comfort, you might not be ready for a friendship at this time. 

3. Pragmatism

You perceive your life as easier or necessary with your ex as a part of it. Maybe your ex has the resources you want: connections to business prospects, money, or skills you need. 

4. Sexual access

Maintaining enough connectivity exclusively to ensure sexual opportunities or, simply, a friends with benefits situation. Sexual-based relationships often struggle to alter a relationship beyond physical and romantic feelings (i.e., a friendship). 

Although reliability is the prevailing reason for friendship among both women and men, men were more likely to rate pragmatism and sexual access higher than women.

Regardless of what you decide, give yourself—and your ex—an opportunity to adjust to being single. 

If you do decide to pursue friendship, realize that the strong emotional connection you continue to share could complicate—at best—or preclude—at worst—your chances of establishing a new, totally fulfilling relationship. “

How much sex (or lack thereof) is “normal” to be having

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Whether you’re enjoying the newness of a fresh relationship or comfortable after years together, you can count on your sex life-changing. What is hot and heavy at first may calm to sporadic bedroom sessions. Or, maybe that initially awkward and mediocre sex (that perhaps you don’t want very often) can evolve to gratifying, explosive orgasms (that you’d enjoy twice daily). With such a wide spectrum, is there a baseline amount of sex we should be having?

According to the Kinsey Institute for research in Sex, Reproduction and Gender, the best predictor of sexual frequency is age—not marital status. Researchers found that, on average, people between 18-29 have 112 sex sessions a year; people between 30-39 have 86 sex sessions a year; and people between 40-49 have 69 sex sessions a year.

Wondering about the 50+ crowd? After surveying over 8000 participants over the age of 50, The Normal Bar found that 31 percent enjoy sex multiple times a week; 28 percent enjoy sex a few times a month; and 8 percent have sex once a month. Nearly a third of respondents rarely have sex at all. (Jorgensen, 2022)

Worried about your sex life losing steam? There is an upside: Although the quantity of sex may decrease with age, the quality gets better. In one study, researchers attributed the higher levels of sexual satisfaction in menopausal and post-menopausal women to their confidence, managed expectations, and ability to prioritize their sexual needs.

We’re below average! Is there a problem?

Not necessarily. In one study led by Amy Muise of The University of Toronto-Mississauga, researchers found that couples who have sex every night are just as happy as the couples who have sex once a week. In another study, researchers asked half of the 64 married couples participating to double the amount of sex they typically have. When comparing happiness levels from the cohort having more sex to the cohort sticking to their usual sex amounts, researchers found no increase in happiness. Instead, the couples with the doubled sex requirement reported lower energy levels and sexual dissatisfaction.

The findings show that real satisfaction doesn’t stem from the amount of sex, but rather from the quality of sexual experience. Sex is a vehicle for connectivity; some couples need to have sex to be connected and others can achieve connectivity other ways. In other words, as long as you and your partner feel connected, the amount of sex is secondary. “It’s important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner without putting too much pressure on engaging in sex as frequently as possible,” said Muise.

Is there a such thing as too little sex?

Technically, couples who have sex less than ten times a year are considered “sexless”. For older couples, the declining amount of sex is perfectly acceptable. But, for other couples, a mismatched libido can pose problems. If you haven’t been in the mood, take a closer look at your medications—especially antidepressants and antihistamines—and get your hormone levels checked. If you’ve ruled out physical causes, consider a fake-it-till-you-make-it approach; having sexual experiences can actually produce hormones that trigger higher levels of desire. If sex isn’t on the table, engaging in foreplay can also help fuel the flames of desire. Touching, holding, kissing, and other forms of physical contact stimulates oxytocin—a chemical that gives you feelings of closeness and connectedness with your partner.

What if we’re having too much sex?

Lucky you–literally! According to sex therapists and medical professionals, there is no such as too much sex; however, if your desire for sex is interfering with your job or relationships, you should consider chatting with a therapist.

Sources:

Jorgensen, B. (2022, November 15). Sex frequency statistics. Bedbible.com. Retrieved June 30, 2022, from https://bedbible.com/sex-frequency-statistics/

Loewenstein, G., Krishnamurti, T., Kopsic, J., & McDonald, D. (2015). Does increased sexual frequency enhance happiness? Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization, 116, 206–218. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jebo.2015.04.021

Muise, A., Schimmack, U., & Impett, E. A. (2015). Sexual frequency predicts greater well-being, but more is not always better. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 7(4), 295–302. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550615616462