UpJourney’s Article Written by The Editors, I Still Love My Ex. What Should I Do? (60+ Expert Tips) features contributions from Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating (Visit UpJourney to view the full article)
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Becoming friends with your ex is not the solution
“ After sharing love and a life together, severing all contact with an ex sounds like a harsh outcome, to say the least, but is maintaining ties with an ex worthwhile?
Traditional advice seems to support “clean breaks” and “moving on,” but is there something to be said for pursuing friendship in lieu of separation?
Getting over an ex takes time, and becoming friends as a quick transition directly from a romantic to a platonic relationship is not the solution. Well, definitely not a solution that takes minimal effort or would be described as a walk in the park.
You need to ask yourself why you want to stay friends, and are you even ready to have a friendship?
Before you can be friends with an ex, you have to consider four different relationship domains that can prevent a successful friendship:
1. Continued romantic attraction
You’re still hoping the relationship could return to a romantic nature and have a romantic attraction.
This is a direct indicator you are likely not ready for a friendship and reserving your romantic attraction is not possible to foster a friendship at this time.
2. Reliability/sentimentality
You think your ex “gets you” more than anyone else, and you believe you could count on them to have your back and understand your perspective.
With the changing nature from romantic to platonic, you have to assess if reaching out to an ex-romantic partner is a result of dependability—not their specific advice or expertise.
If you favor reaching out to your ex before any other friends for advice or comfort, you might not be ready for a friendship at this time.
3. Pragmatism
You perceive your life as easier or necessary with your ex as a part of it. Maybe your ex has the resources you want: connections to business prospects, money, or skills you need.
4. Sexual access
Maintaining enough connectivity exclusively to ensure sexual opportunities or, simply, a friends with benefits situation. Sexual-based relationships often struggle to alter a relationship beyond physical and romantic feelings (i.e., a friendship).
Although reliability is the prevailing reason for friendship among both women and men, men were more likely to rate pragmatism and sexual access higher than women.
Regardless of what you decide, give yourself—and your ex—an opportunity to adjust to being single.
If you do decide to pursue friendship, realize that the strong emotional connection you continue to share could complicate—at best—or preclude—at worst—your chances of establishing a new, totally fulfilling relationship. “