Intentional Dating

By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Are you leaving dates disappointed?  Having flings and situationships with sparks that always seem to fizzle out? Start dating with awareness and intention by considering what you bring to the table and what you are looking for, and walking away when someone shows that they are not what you seek. The healthiest and strongest partnerships form between two self-aware individuals who each can date with this framework in mind.

Know What You Have to Offer

Too often, when searching for a serious partner or relationship, the focus is outward and evades internal reflection. 

Ask yourself how you can directly improve or impact a potential romantic partner’s life.  Examples… When looking to enter a romantic relationship, you are equally as responsible as your counterpart for creating healthy expectations around communication, intimacy, etc. Are you compassionate? Able to communicate your feelings effectively and not overreact in your responses? Can you admit when you are at fault?  Or convey your needs to a partner directly without needless nuance? 

Know What You Seek

Often people stick to searching for partners who fall into their so-called “type,” due to comfort and sticking to what they have known. There is a misconception that always staying with your type will eventually bring you your ideal partner... Though this might be true sometimes, dating solely within your predetermined type is more likely to limit your dating experience and to reduce your exposure to people whom you might not have considered before – a sample group from which your perfect match could emerge.

When setting the parameters for your ideal partner, begin with the non-negotiable traits you want to see in your future partner. As just a few examples, maybe they need to manage conflict effectively and calmly, listen intently to what you say, and prioritize mindfulness or religion in their daily lives.  Next, consider some activities or things you want to do and share with a future partner.  Maybe they are an avid skier or runner, bookworm, art enthusiast, and so on.  Lastly, what are your absolute dealbreakers? Establish the qualities that you know you do not want to see in a partner. Once you balance these various elements, you can begin to create a rough but accurate outline of the type of person you are looking for – an intentional framework that can guide you accurately in dating without being completely restrictive and choking off the possibility of randomness working in your favor to create romance in the unexpected.

Know When It Is Time to Move On

STANDARDS AND BOUNDARIES… you need them and they require YOU to implement them. If you have communicated expectations and a partner’s behavior is well outside what you expect, do not wait until the third act to watch how things unfold. They have shown you how they will likely continue to operate. 

Mediating and attempting to modify and repair behaviors amidst high levels of frustration with a romantic partner is not a pattern likely to change the longer you are together. Trust what they are showing you through their actions and move on to someone who meets your standards and respects your boundaries with less difficulty or hesitation. 

In Review:

It is critical before starting your dating journey to look inside and outside yourself – who are you and what do you offer, and what do you most prioritize in a partner?  Regarding the latter, think hard about priorities… personality characteristics, beliefs, and behaviors are most key, along with trying to avoid sticking with one specific physical type. 

Lastly, trust when someone shows you who they are and how they act - stick to your standards. If someone clearly cannot meet your expectations, do not attempt to mold them into what you are looking for or assume it will get better. Move on and find the one who meets you there. 

You are now equipped with some knowledge on how to date intentionally… and now it is your turn to put it into practice! 

Talking About Technology Use With a Partner

By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Now that nearly everyone holds a multimedia-capable mobile phone of some sort nearby at all times, with SMS, social media and a plethora of other content at their fingertips as potential distractions, conversations are popping up surrounding the frequency of texting or calling, and general boundaries of technology use during dates.  It is important to consider how technology has changed the dating scene – particularly regarding expectations around communication.

How do you navigate these new situations and open a dialogue with a potential or current partner about technology's role in your relationship? In three stages, we give you the tools to understand technology's role in your day-to-day life, to discuss digital communication expectations, and to set boundaries accordingly. 

Stage One:

Understand the role technology plays in your own life

Technology's role in your life can be impacted by many factors such as your profession, relationship with family and friends, television or movie consumption, social media usage, etc. 

Ask yourself - where might technology truly be enhancing your connection with those around you, and how might it be detracting from your relationships? Do your current technology practices bring you authentically closer to others? What existing technology use, habits, or expectations do you have that could create barriers in a relationship? Might some of your technology engagement better be left for your alone time?

You cannot change someone's behaviors yourself… and you are responsible for setting an example for the technology practices you would want to see reflected in a relationship. You and a partner must communicate and listen to be on the same page, which brings us to stage two.   

Stage Two:

Get on the same page about digital engagement and communication expectations in a relationship

What does digital engagement and communication mean? It is any form of communication or consumption through technological channels such as email, text, call, YouTube, Zoom, etc. And as you learn to define how technology influences your communication and impacts your life, sharing and talking about this with a partner would be the next step in keeping it from harming a relationship.

Everyone has different ideas on where, how often, and to what degree interactions with technology should happen. Finding a happy medium on this between you and your partner requires an open dialogue. 

For example, do you and your partner feel the same about how to stay in contact when you are apart (e.g. frequency of texting and calling each other, preference of calling vs texting, time taken to respond, etc.)? 

When you are with a current or potential partner in person, what are your expectations on technology use while together? Understanding a partner's usage, expected sharing practices, transparency when using technology together, and lastly, how you think technology could help strengthen or potentially harm the relationship, are all important to discuss.

Stage Three:

Set and discuss boundaries with your partner

Depending on your situation(s), it might be necessary to set rules and boundaries. 

What are possible behaviors that you or a partner might deem as negative and how can you work around this together? 

As just one example, whether work-related or not, you might enjoy scrolling through social media to "just check out for a minute." However, when spending time building or growing a relationship, this could really be off-putting to a partner.  As another example, mealtimes, for many, are a sacred time to share company, and having a phone even visible and ready to beep or vibrate at any time can feel disruptive and dismissive to a partner.  

So… talk about these things together!  Maybe mealtimes are a technology-free zone to improve conversation and connection.  Your only other option is for you both to sit in frustration and fester about things, hoping a change will occur, while in reality it will make things worse.

In conclusion…

Technology is not going anywhere – if anything, it will be more prevalent with more sophisticated smartphones and smart homes.  There will likely be unpredictable times (e.g., a new job requiring tech, extended time apart, etc.) as well as necessary adjustments that you and your partner will have to make and discuss with the evolution of technology. 

Openness to navigating a confusing conversation about technology usage with your partner is vital in learning to avoid technology playing a negative role in your relationship. 

How Many Dates Before Making it Official?

UpJourney’s Article Written by The Editors, How Many Dates Before Making Your Relationship Official? features contributions from Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating (Visit UpJourney to view the full article)

Look for promising signs instead of counting the number of dates

If you’re wondering how to get him to commit, you’re asking the wrong question. The right man for you—an individual who is ready for a serious relationship—will show you that he is worthy of your time and affection. 

I firmly believe you need to see some promising signs before making your relationship official. So, under this theory, the actual number of dates doesn’t matter. 

Instead, look for signs that the individual you are spending considerable time with is showing you that he’s a good person and making you feel like the beautiful, intelligent woman you are. 

Here are a few signs that the person you’re dating could be worthy of making your relationship official: 

Can you rely on him for anything? 

Being able to rely on your partner for support is a big part of a sustainable relationship, and he will want to show you that he can handle one. 

The wrong guy will duck out and run when times get tough or very stressful. The right guy who might be worth getting serious with and sticks by your side through thick and thin. 

While he might be stressed when life throws curveballs, he knows nothing is perfect, and things can be messy. He’s in this incredible journey called life with you no matter what. 

Does he make you feel good about yourself? 

Your man wants you to feel your best. He gives you affirmations about his feelings and isn’t afraid to express himself verbally. When you are around him, you feel good about yourself. He lifts you and makes you shine more than not. 

Compared to other relationships you’ve had or men you’ve encountered, this individual brings fun to your life. You are better with him. 

Does he make you feel safe? 

When a man is seriously interested, he wants to make you feel safe—physically and emotionally. 

In large crowds, he will help navigate you. If someone appears aggressive, your man is on alert. He’s an extra pair of eyes and ears, prioritizing your physical well-being.

If you have considered this framework and can confidently say yes to most, or ideally all of them, this strongly indicates that you’re ready to elevate your relationship to the next level. 

Have the talk and be very clear about what you want out of a relationship and ensure you’re actively listening to his needs and wants. Once you have “the talk,” go exclusive and enjoy life in technicolor!

Matchmaker FAQs

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

As a professional Matchmaker, you regularly get questions that few other jobs would prompt. Since the nature of matchmaking involves closer relationships and an understanding of a client's EQ, the day-to-day for a matchmaker will often look different than a standard office job. To celebrate National Matchmaker Day (August 31st), I have outlined the most commonly asked questions I receive as a Matchmaker and CEO of Linx Dating.

1. Have you always set people up? 

I wasn’t one of those ones who was always setting people up but I have always loved people.  I saw a great opportunity and went for it. Frankly, when I saw the opportunity in front of me, I could not believe no one had done it before.

2. How did you get into the field? 

I saw a market opportunity (demand) that was consistent with my existing network (supply) and I built from there. I have also always been a people person so it was a natural fit to go into matchmaking as I work with an incredibly diverse group of clients. 

3. What’s the hardest thing about being a matchmaker? 

This is a very emotional business - so rewarding, at times, but also high pressure as people are depending on me. Someone who hasn’t been married and who wants a baby is a high pressure situation for me. This is also a service business which means that I can also get treated very poorly sometimes, which stinks. 

4. What’s a typical day look like for a matchmaker? 

I start my morning with a giant cup of hot coffee and make my son breakfast! After school drop off, I get on my email. If there are so many emails, it’s already stressing me out, it’s a good reason to go for a walk or a run. On my walks, I always catch up with clients. On my runs, I crank all sorts of music from Guns N Roses,  Dua Lipa, Ariana Grande, Justin Bieber, Crash Test Dummies, Motley Crue, Chaka Khan, or Michael Jackson. Literally, my musical tastes are all across the board, LOL. I get home, prep a to go salad for the office, get ready. I always do myself up even if I am not meeting a client because when I put make-up on and wear something nice, I feel better no matter what. I head to the office, respond to emails ad then either do an in-person meeting with a client, or prospect, or meet on Zoom. I spend my afternoons working on match ideas for clients and often checking in with people in my database to see if they are presently single and good candidates for my clients. Come 5pm, I am heading home to prep dinner and spend quality time with my family. After my son is in bed, it’s work time again till 10pm or so. Normally I then take a bath to unwind, watch a show, and go to bed myself!

5. Do matchmakers use astrology? 

Not really….I certainly do not. It’s fun to talk about but we’d better be using more than that if we want any kind of competitive edge.

6. Are some matchmakers generational matchmakers? 

Sure. There are examples of this, just like there are in other family  businesses. It can be as informal as shared dinner table talk over many years, or as formal as a child taking over the family business.

7. Are there niche specialty matchmakers? 

Yep. It’s s function of market supply and demand.   A matchmaker is only as good as his or her network, and that could be a niche - geographic, religious, ethnic, age, or whatever. I’d say the most common two niches would be matchmaking, focusing on a particular faith or heritage. 

For instance, there are many matchmakers focusing solely on Jewish matches or matchmakers focusing solely on Indian matchmaking. I’ve been binging on Netflix’s Indian Matchmaker with “Sima from Mumbai.” 

8. What’s the craziest thing anyone has ever told you they want in a match? 

One of my former clients shared his musts include “all-natural body parts,” “love celebrating New Year’s Eve,” and “be okay with a shower with two heads on opposite walls.” On a sweeter note, he expected his dream girl to be “really close with at least one family member” (his own relationship with his two sisters is “one of my biggest areas of happiness,” he writes) and “be someone who constantly says ‘I believe in you’ to their children.” But she also has to “allow me to indulge in a luxury sports car filled with premium gasoline.” 

Three Signs You Have Found Your Soulmate

UpJourney’s Article Written by The Editors, 60+ Signs You’ve Found Your Soulmate features contributions from Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating (Visit UpJourney to view the full article)

Image by Freepik

“ There is nothing more exciting than meeting someone you feel could very well be “the one.”

Here are my top three signs that you have found your soul mate:

1. You can count on him

Being able to rely on your partner for support is a big part of a sustainable relationship, and he will want to show you that he can handle one.

• It’s easy to feel infatuated when everything is going well, but does he have staying power when things get a little complicated?

• How did he react when you had a blow-up at work? 

• Was he available when you were sick with a nasty cold?

If he always shows up for you, he’s proving to you he could very well be your soulmate.

2. He makes you feel secure

When a man is seriously interested, he wants to make you feel safe—physically and emotionally. In large crowds, he will help navigate you. If someone appears aggressive, your man is on alert. He’s an extra pair of eyes and ears, making your physical well-being a priority.

You’ll also notice that your man wants you to feel your best. You won’t feel jealous of other women because your man takes time to compliment and remind you of all the reasons you are special, even when you woke up on the wrong side of the bed or are just having a bad day.

3. He takes it slow

Having physical intimacy at the right time becomes the goal. There is no pressure or focus on the sexual aspects of your relationship because he knows that this part will evolve at its own pace.

Men seeking casual flings will put an enormous amount of focus on the physical. Dates may seem rushed or overly casual and may feel more like activities to fill time until it becomes suitable to have intimacy.

How would he respond if you nixed the date without spending the night? If you predict any backlash whatsoever, he’s probably more interested in sexy time than learning about you.

If you are dating someone that checks these three boxes, you’re lucky!

Keep dating them through the seasons (at least one year), and don’t be afraid to have very honest conversations about your personal goals. The right man will listen and pay attention to what you’re saying because he cares.

While it might not be on his exact timeline, he will certainly listen and be mature enough to have transparent conversations about a future with you and what that might look like. ”