By Dani Geary for Linx Dating
Are you leaving dates disappointed? Having flings and situationships with sparks that always seem to fizzle out? Start dating with awareness and intention by considering what you bring to the table and what you are looking for, and walking away when someone shows that they are not what you seek. The healthiest and strongest partnerships form between two self-aware individuals who each can date with this framework in mind.
Know What You Have to Offer
Too often, when searching for a serious partner or relationship, the focus is outward and evades internal reflection.
Ask yourself how you can directly improve or impact a potential romantic partner’s life. Examples… When looking to enter a romantic relationship, you are equally as responsible as your counterpart for creating healthy expectations around communication, intimacy, etc. Are you compassionate? Able to communicate your feelings effectively and not overreact in your responses? Can you admit when you are at fault? Or convey your needs to a partner directly without needless nuance?
Know What You Seek
Often people stick to searching for partners who fall into their so-called “type,” due to comfort and sticking to what they have known. There is a misconception that always staying with your type will eventually bring you your ideal partner... Though this might be true sometimes, dating solely within your predetermined type is more likely to limit your dating experience and to reduce your exposure to people whom you might not have considered before – a sample group from which your perfect match could emerge.
When setting the parameters for your ideal partner, begin with the non-negotiable traits you want to see in your future partner. As just a few examples, maybe they need to manage conflict effectively and calmly, listen intently to what you say, and prioritize mindfulness or religion in their daily lives. Next, consider some activities or things you want to do and share with a future partner. Maybe they are an avid skier or runner, bookworm, art enthusiast, and so on. Lastly, what are your absolute dealbreakers? Establish the qualities that you know you do not want to see in a partner. Once you balance these various elements, you can begin to create a rough but accurate outline of the type of person you are looking for – an intentional framework that can guide you accurately in dating without being completely restrictive and choking off the possibility of randomness working in your favor to create romance in the unexpected.
Know When It Is Time to Move On
STANDARDS AND BOUNDARIES… you need them and they require YOU to implement them. If you have communicated expectations and a partner’s behavior is well outside what you expect, do not wait until the third act to watch how things unfold. They have shown you how they will likely continue to operate.
Mediating and attempting to modify and repair behaviors amidst high levels of frustration with a romantic partner is not a pattern likely to change the longer you are together. Trust what they are showing you through their actions and move on to someone who meets your standards and respects your boundaries with less difficulty or hesitation.
In Review:
It is critical before starting your dating journey to look inside and outside yourself – who are you and what do you offer, and what do you most prioritize in a partner? Regarding the latter, think hard about priorities… personality characteristics, beliefs, and behaviors are most key, along with trying to avoid sticking with one specific physical type.
Lastly, trust when someone shows you who they are and how they act - stick to your standards. If someone clearly cannot meet your expectations, do not attempt to mold them into what you are looking for or assume it will get better. Move on and find the one who meets you there.
You are now equipped with some knowledge on how to date intentionally… and now it is your turn to put it into practice!