Dating & Finance (Part 2)

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Tough conversations for couples can vary depending on their specific circumstances, but one theme that we hear about regularly is MONEY. Over 50% of couples do not communicate anything about finances. According to AICPA research, nearly three in four (73%) married or cohabitating Americans say financial decisions are a source of tension in their relationship. 

Let’s get real….hashing out finances, including budgeting, spending habits, debts, and long-term financial goals, can be very challenging. These discussions may include decisions about joint bank accounts, saving for the future, or managing financial disparities between partners, among other things.

At Linx, we see this is as a heavily recurring theme in our couples and have taken the initiative to recruit a top SF Bay Area-based financial professional to answer some questions and provide general guidance on navigating potential landmines.  Our expert works in private wealth management and brings deep experience and a broad perspective to relationships with a select group of families, individuals, and entrepreneurs of all backgrounds, ages, and stages in their lives. 

Q: Do you recommend that newly married couples merge their finances or keep them separate?

A:  I personally recommend a combo.  Assuming, from Part 1 of this series, that you both “know your numbers,” then when you start living together, whether it’s pre-marriage or upon being married, there should be a healthy discussion about the household budget.  It should list all the expenses, and how and who will finance them.  A good step forward might be keeping your finances as is, but also opening a joint account, the so-called household account, where each person deposits a portion of the monthly expenses (rent/mortgage, food, dining out, utilities, car, insurance, etc.).   This division should reflect what each person can realistically afford and should include a discussion about what types of expenses require a joint decision (e.g. buying a car, getting a pet).  This allows everyone to keep their autonomy, credit history, etc. but allows each party to contribute to the household budget in a prudent manner.  

Keep in mind, this process can also flesh out all kinds of emotional issues around money – for example, maybe one partner feels strongly about bearing more financial burden whereas the other handles other household responsibilities.   But no matter what, the idea is to open the lines of communication, early on, about any issues around finances to avoid trouble down the road.

Q:  Can you explain what prenup and postnup agreements are and what the potential benefits might be?

 

Prenup

Using a definition from the dictionary, a prenup is an agreement made by a couple before they marry concerning the ownership of their respective assets should the marriage fail.  Here is the legal explanation courtesy of Wikipedia

A prenup is used to provide clarity to couples as to what would happen to their assets if the marriage fails.  There are many reasons for a prenup.   Some people are required to have prenups because of the legal structures of their family or work situations (e.g. trusts, partnerships, etc.) That said, I think everyone should have a prenup no matter your asset level because it provides clarity as to what will happen if you do decide to separate.  Money does strange things to people and the time to think through and decide such matters is at the beginning of the relationship when both parties tend to be calm and rational vs. at the end, when hurt or seeking revenge.

Postnup

Again, courtesy of Wikipedia

Postnups are usually used because the financial situation of the couple has changed drastically since marriage, even if they have a prenup in place.  Examples could be that one of the spouses decides to stay home with the children to allow the other spouse to achieve their career objectives, or a spouse is invited into a work partnership and the existing partners of that entity seek assurance that the Partnership will not have to be dissolved in order to ‘cash out’ a Partner who is divorcing.  We often hear about postnups from celebrities… even one surrounding an ex-President and his wife.  It’s all about providing clarity ahead of time in case of the dissolution of the marriage.

Bigger picture, I honestly believe in prenups and even postnups as they increase transparency and reduce uncertainty which, even if awkward in any way, can pay huge dividends down the road financially and emotionally.  The wealthier the couple either individually or collectively, the more detailed a prenup agreement should be.  You can look to qualified legal counsel and financial advisors for ideas.  Postnups become necessary if, say, one partner decides to stay home with the kids and is no longer contributing financially.  This does not diminish their worth because usually they contribute in every other way to make sure that their spouse is able to be successful – e.g. their time, volunteering, showing really well as a partner at work events, looking after children, the dogs, etc.)

Dating & Finance (Part 1)

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Tough conversations for couples can vary depending on their specific circumstances, but one theme that we hear about regularly is MONEY. Over 50% of couples do not communicate anything about finances. According to AICPA research, nearly three in four (73%) married or cohabitating Americans say financial decisions are a source of tension in their relationship. 

Let’s get real….hashing out finances, including budgeting, spending habits, debts, and long-term financial goals, can be very challenging. These discussions may include decisions about joint bank accounts, saving for the future, or managing financial disparities between partners, among other things.

At Linx, we see this is as a heavily recurring theme in our couples and have taken the initiative to recruit a top SF Bay Area-based financial professional to answer some questions and provide general guidance on navigating potential landmines.  Our expert works in private wealth management and brings deep experience and a broad perspective to relationships with a select group of families, individuals, and entrepreneurs of all backgrounds, ages, and stages in their lives. 

Q: Thank you for being here with us today. How do you advise a couple, who is in the courtship stage, to begin bringing up the topic of finances? This subject is so important and one that so often people shy away from, because it’s uncomfortable, scary, or threatening. 

A: I think it first starts with the concept of getting familiar with your actual individual numbers, if you aren’t already.  Knowing your numbers means understanding what your post-tax earnings are (what comes “in”), what your monthly spending is (what goes “out”), and what your assets (property, investments with positive value that you own) and liabilities (and debts, for example) are, if any.  The fancy terms for this are your “income statement” and “balance sheet.”  Only then can you start thinking about your disposable income and begin to have a conversation about finances with anyone.

The finance “conversation,” even if not explicit, starts from the first time you go on a date.  Someone must pay for it!  When you plan for a trip, there should be a conversation as to who will pay for what.  We can often get a good sense of someone’s attitude towards money starting very early on in any relationship.  

Now, if you know your numbers, as you continue to discuss these kinds of couples’ activities, you will be able to decide what you can and cannot afford, what your spending priorities are, and begin to get clear about your partner’s financial situation and priorities. 

It might be less threatening and more organic of a conversation about finances if it naturally evolves as the relationship evolves and you begin to need to make even basic decisions together about navigating these daily realities of life.

Q:  For a single professional woman navigating her future, what should be her top financial priorities? 

A:  Once again, whether it’s a man, woman, or a couple, the top priority is knowing your numbers.  These days, with technology in the palm of our hands on a smart phone, for example, there is simply no excuse for not being able to access your numbers quickly and intuitively.  Every major financial institution (banks and others) provides you with a breakdown of your spending every month if you just learn the app, website, or whatever.  And never forget about taxes!  If you owe taxes each year when you file your taxes, then those should always be factored in.   Without a command of your personal “income statement” and “balance sheet (i.e. an accurate snapshot of your current financial picture) it can be hard to even consider your priorities moving forward, such as spending choices, savings, credit cards/debt, investments/asset allocation, retirement planning, etc.

If you need help with any or all of this, then engage a Financial Advisor who leads with financial planning, as opposed to investing, which might come a bit later.

DateSpot Interview for Matchmakers- Amy Andersen

Photo by: Annie Barnette

Interview By: Carla Swiryn , CEO & Founder of DateSpot

A Note from Amy Andersen: I was thrilled to reconnect with my esteemed colleague and dear friend, Carla Swiryn, for a written interview to shed light on the partnership between Linx Dating and DateSpot (DS).

With some of our clientele intersecting, and other potential clients clearly better suited to one of us, we've forged a harmonious referral relationship where Linx caters to the high end of the market as DateSpot offers matchmaking that is more accessible to the masses. Our collaboration thrives by ensuring that everyone can receive meticulous attention.

This interview delves into the inner workings of my business, sheds light on the dynamics of the matchmaking industry in general, reveals some of the keys to my own marriage success, and highlights numerous experiences I have had with singles navigating the dating landscape.

If you're interested in DateSpot's affordable, pay-per-match process, check it out here and add Amy at Linx as the referrer on signup.

“Ask anyone who is the most elite matchmaker in Northern California, and you will undoubtedly hear Amy’s name. Linx Dating's Founder, Amy Andersen (AA), has been matching high caliber, marriage-minded professionals for over twenty years (since 2003), with a focus on Silicon Valley, though she selectively takes on clients worldwide.

I am proud to say that Linx Dating (www.linxdating.com) was one of DateSpot’s first partners vetted and approved to access our candidate platform (to secure potential matches for their own database). In getting to know her over the years, it’s clear that through her friendly and classy charm, empathy, intuition, responsiveness, humor, and dedication, she has earned one of the highest reputations in the industry.

As the Founder of DateSpot (DS), I had the opportunity to ask her some questions to get to know more about her background, views, and ultra-successful business.

I decided to split her thoughtful answers into two parts - one blog post geared towards matchmakers and the other for singles.

I'm first sharing her answers geared towards matchmakers, so if you’re a professional in the industry or considering becoming one, perk up your ears and check out what she said…

DS: How did you enter the world of matchmaking and when did you know you could do this professionally?

AA: I was living in Silicon Valley in the height of the dot com era and was struck by how the men down in the Valley couldn’t find accessible, attractive, and extraordinary women, and how my female friends up in San Francisco couldn’t find a guy to commit. My idea literally came from pure observation about the dismal dating scene in Silicon Valley and a huge surplus of attractive brainy women in San Francisco.

I initially started matching these groups to each other for free and worked out of a Starbucks or Peets (whichever didn’t eventually kick me out) to save money, and eventually people wanted to pay to get more attention and better service. Then I knew I had a business. I had always loved putting people together and hosting little gatherings and Soirees but never thought I would actually start a matchmaking business until the opportunity in front of me was too good to be true.

DS: What advice do you have for aspiring matchmakers or people considering the occupation?

AA: This can be an extremely fun and rewarding business but also brutally tough to build, scale and differentiate yourself. You need to hugely patient, persistent, focused, and not easily discouraged. And you’d better love (mostly) what you do. Beyond this, you need to have a substantial network of singles already in place or ideas of how to generate a network. I started my business having grown up in the San Francisco Bay Area which helped a lot in the early days of building my network. You also better develop a very thick skin. I think a lot of people think this industry must be all “peaches and cream” working in such a happy business but the reality is we are dealing with extremely sensitive situations, matters of the heart, tough and demanding Clients and beyond this, running a business is really, really hard work. You need to have intuition, people skills, enjoy people of all walks of life and backgrounds, have sensitivities and compassion, not be judgmental, and beyond this some sort of business acumen.

‍DS: What lessons have you learned at Linx that could apply to any business owner?

AA: Start with a relatively narrow focus, super-serve your customers in that niche, and do that part extremely well. The key to success is thinking local versus global. Too many entrepreneurs start their business thinking about global expansion versus staying local and doing the best job you can do in your own market.

The growth will come organically from there. Also, keep all options open and pursue opportunities and relationships that you come across - you never know from where or when those breakthrough moments could come. Take meetings with all sorts of people, keep an open-mind, friendly attitude, and network. Have business cards on you.

There is something really nice about actually handing someone a card (more of an art then days) and taking the time to look at it and keep it in your rolodex of contacts.

DS: Maintaining confidentiality of course, can you share a story or scenario of one of the strangest requests or client searches?

AA: I have had some strange ones - one, in particular, was where a client was seeking a curvy, more voluptuous woman who was a graduate from one specific prestigious University. I am regularly asked by my clients to initially disclose information about them to their match that they might think would be hard to address themselves on a first date - that can be anything from a health condition to a strange preference. I get a lot of practice in the art of awkward conversations. I never judge anyone’s requests or preferences. As they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

DS: If you could do anything professionally other than matchmaking, what would it be?

AA: Oh I love this question! If it were based on pure passion, I might be a marine biologist, astronaut, dermatologist or do something in art like a crazy artist splashing paint on paint canvases blasting music with apprentices helping me. But as far as translating professional skills, I would probably be a natural in real estate, as I have a great network, and love sales, brokering deals, and designing spaces. I enjoy art, architecture, style, and creating a beautiful living space. I also love helping people achieve their dreams and goals.

DS: Why do you think you've been so successful?

AA: Incessant hard work, dedication and focus, a consistent and honest commitment to the brand that epitomizes me and my business and, perhaps most importantly, some really great luck along the way.

It’s hard for me to believe it’s been over 20 years that I have been running Linx Dating. To be honest, not a day has gone by in the last two decades that I am not thinking about my work. I’ve always had a fire in my belly as an entrepreneur and the flame has only intensified as my business has grown. To me each and every day is exciting. I wake up each morning grateful there is still a demand and thankful for my spectacular clients. I am excited to see how each and every day unfolds and the challenges that come with it. For me it’s still really fun and that’s what keeps me going!

‍DS: How do you think the matchmaking industry has evolved over the past 10 or 20 years?

AA: When I started my business in 2003, the notion of hiring a professional matchmaker definitely raised some eyebrows and was considered slightly taboo and maybe even a little controversial. It wasn’t for everyone and sometimes people back then assumed something was “wrong” with you if you needed to hire a matchmaker.

Fast forward some 20 years later - hiring a matchmaking has become very normalized and one could argue, en vogue. When I first started my business, there were a few key players in the space- mostly the big matchmaking services that were far more commercialized and not a lot of niche based matchmakers available. There were no apps when I started Linx and only a few dating websites like Yahoo Personals, Match, and eHarmony.

‍In the last 10 years, there have been hundreds of niche matchmakers opening shops all across the country and we have seen the rise of countless choices for dating apps. Even with sophisticated dating apps, I find a lot of singles experience real app fatigue are tired of the misrepresentations, the lack of privacy, and the poor odds. As such, I see that dating apps have reinforced the need for personalization and vetting and this is one of the many reasons the matchmaking industry has exploded with growth.

It’s an exciting time to be in the industry and has become a natural resource and obvious choice for many single men and women as compared to some 15-20 years ago.

‍DS: What are your current initiatives?

AA: A heavy focus on super-serving a smaller number of elite VIP clients. My business has evolved to primarily focus on a handful of very specialized, ultra intense VIP searches. It’s the most challenging work in the world in my humble opinion. It’s like having a puzzle and finding the missing piece in the puzzle for the search. My VIP clients basically have this incredible life with all the puzzle pieces lined up from years of hard work and so much success but the one missing piece is their match and life partner. It’s such an honor to get to figure out how to find that missing puzzle piece and when I figure it out for them and the piece fits so uniquely into that giant puzzle that represents my clients extraordinary life, a true miracle has happened. I love love and I love what I do so much!

Amy wanted to end with “Thank you for this opportunity to talk with your network about Linx and matchmaking. I am honored to have spoken to you all today.”

Spoken by a true gracious queen. Thank you, Amy! We look forward to sharing Part 2 for Singles soon!”

To follow DateSpot on Socials Visit:

Instagram @DateSpot

LinkedIn @DateSpot

A Day In The Life As A Matchmaker

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

My name is Amy Andersen I am the Founder and CEO of Linx Dating. I wake up around 6:30 am, and the first thing I do is drink coffee. It’s actually in my wedding vows that my husband brings me coffee in the morning. In our 15-year marriage, he’s pretty much never broken this vow- I must say it’s impressive. Then I get my kiddo's breakfast ready and quickly check my email and various messaging apps, including Signal, Proton Mail, and WhatsApp, to see if any high-profile or international clients have reached out overnight. After school drop off, I return home and do anywhere from 15-30 minutes of emails. 

My morning workout is a must I typically run 3 days a week, rain or shine. Other days I mix in gym sessions or neighborhood walks. I listen to all sorts of music on my runs, from hip hop and, don’t laugh- military boot camp marine sergeant recordings. Post-workout, I shower and whip up a nutritious green smoothie. I practice a relaxed form of intermittent fasting, refraining from eating until noon, as part of my disciplined routine.

Back at home, I shower up and make one of my insanely delish green smoothies loaded with organic spinach, blueberries, almond milk, and Live Pure super food smoothie cubes!  I also try to take my daily vitamins. I do a relaxed “my version” of intermittent fasting, do I try not to eat before 12 p.m..  If you haven’t noticed, I lead a pretty disciplined life. It’s a strategy that makes me successful. 

My office is about a 5 min drive from my home. I have optimized on purpose for a better quality of life and not spend unnecessary time on the road. If I have to commute to San Francisco from Silicon Valley for a client, I always have a driver so I can get work done on my laptop- plus I’m not someone who lives to drive. It’s a necessity but not a sport for me. 

My days are consumed by piling through an endless sea of emails. I get inbound inquiries on a daily basis from around the world of single men and women wanting to be matched. And as CEO of Linx, I always put myself in a prospect's shoes and ask myself, “What would it be like to email a dating service?”  Even if I can’t help someone, I always make a point to write them a personal email. It’s a highly personalized and heart-centric business, so it’s very important for me to not only be kind but empathetic and respond.

Beyond this, I am on the phone with my clients throughout the day, getting feedback from their respective dates and strategizing with them about getting to the next level in their personal lives (from exclusive to engagement or married)! 

I’m hydrating throughout the day- lots of water! I might be noshing on a salad throughout the day, fruit, another smoothie….or need a pick me up and grab an iced latte at Peets down the street! 

I might be on a Zoom with a prospect one afternoon or on with my social media team, mapping out our content or planning a VIP client social campaign. My team is constantly monitoring trends and what’s relevant, teaching me, and keeping me up to date on everything.  

I love slowing down with my family and going around the dinner table to discuss our days. It’s a moment during the day to be with one another, break bread, and catch up. I try to be home by 5 p.m. to make dinner for my family. I’m no chef, but I try to make healthy food. I’m vegetarian, and the rest of my family is not. This might mean a Door Dash salad for me and making pasta with Sautéed sausage and veg for them. I do a weekly menu on Sundays, but sometimes life gets crazy, and we need to adapt and be spontaneous. Once the family is off to bed, I catch up on emails for at least 1-2 hours every night. It’s also a time for me to match clients and think about “who” could be a fantastic fit with which client. I love how creative my job is!

Generally around 10 p.m. I will watch something brainless like Love Is Blind or The Golden Bachelor. It’s part of the job, right? I review my “To Do” List and Appts for the next day at the end of the day. I say some affirmations before bed and always think about my couples and clients. I literally visualize their happiness and success in the Matchmaking journey. I remind myself how grateful I am and so blessed to be celebrating my twentieth year in running Linx Dating. 

I am lights out at midnight and ready to go again the next day! 

The Matchmaking Midas Touch

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Over the past 20 years, Linx has positioned itself as the top global matchmaking firm by refusing to settle for anything less than unparalleled excellence. Amy Andersen founded the company with the mission to give high-caliber individuals a more private, premium, and high-yield alternative to dating on their own.

Linx prides itself on its stellar reputation… its membership has been built organically over 20 years by word-of-mouth recommendations and has grown into one of the most sought-after private networks of vetted single men and women in the world.

Locally, in Silicon Valley, Linx represents clients at tech companies including Apple, Meta, Amazon, Google, Netflix and recognizable venture capital firms such as Andreessen Horowitz, to name just a few. Linx Dating also represents select founders & CEOs, celebrities, prominent public figures, and members of high profile domestic and international families.

Linx’s matchmaking is tailor-made for people who have worked on themselves, are ready to make a long-term commitment and are clear on what they seek in a partner.  They are ready to jump two feet into the process and find it appealing that Linx is niche and works with only a select number of clients annually. If we were to drill down on the core “niche” of Linx, it would be elite, high-net-worth clientele, and other highly educated professionals who are commitment-minded. 

Our clientele demand privacy and discretion and recognize time as one of their most precious commodities.  This means that swiping on an app to find “the one” becomes arguably less appealing.