Dating & Finance (Part 1)

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Tough conversations for couples can vary depending on their specific circumstances, but one theme that we hear about regularly is MONEY. Over 50% of couples do not communicate anything about finances. According to AICPA research, nearly three in four (73%) married or cohabitating Americans say financial decisions are a source of tension in their relationship. 

Let’s get real….hashing out finances, including budgeting, spending habits, debts, and long-term financial goals, can be very challenging. These discussions may include decisions about joint bank accounts, saving for the future, or managing financial disparities between partners, among other things.

At Linx, we see this is as a heavily recurring theme in our couples and have taken the initiative to recruit a top SF Bay Area-based financial professional to answer some questions and provide general guidance on navigating potential landmines.  Our expert works in private wealth management and brings deep experience and a broad perspective to relationships with a select group of families, individuals, and entrepreneurs of all backgrounds, ages, and stages in their lives. 

Q: Thank you for being here with us today. How do you advise a couple, who is in the courtship stage, to begin bringing up the topic of finances? This subject is so important and one that so often people shy away from, because it’s uncomfortable, scary, or threatening. 

A: I think it first starts with the concept of getting familiar with your actual individual numbers, if you aren’t already.  Knowing your numbers means understanding what your post-tax earnings are (what comes “in”), what your monthly spending is (what goes “out”), and what your assets (property, investments with positive value that you own) and liabilities (and debts, for example) are, if any.  The fancy terms for this are your “income statement” and “balance sheet.”  Only then can you start thinking about your disposable income and begin to have a conversation about finances with anyone.

The finance “conversation,” even if not explicit, starts from the first time you go on a date.  Someone must pay for it!  When you plan for a trip, there should be a conversation as to who will pay for what.  We can often get a good sense of someone’s attitude towards money starting very early on in any relationship.  

Now, if you know your numbers, as you continue to discuss these kinds of couples’ activities, you will be able to decide what you can and cannot afford, what your spending priorities are, and begin to get clear about your partner’s financial situation and priorities. 

It might be less threatening and more organic of a conversation about finances if it naturally evolves as the relationship evolves and you begin to need to make even basic decisions together about navigating these daily realities of life.

Q:  For a single professional woman navigating her future, what should be her top financial priorities? 

A:  Once again, whether it’s a man, woman, or a couple, the top priority is knowing your numbers.  These days, with technology in the palm of our hands on a smart phone, for example, there is simply no excuse for not being able to access your numbers quickly and intuitively.  Every major financial institution (banks and others) provides you with a breakdown of your spending every month if you just learn the app, website, or whatever.  And never forget about taxes!  If you owe taxes each year when you file your taxes, then those should always be factored in.   Without a command of your personal “income statement” and “balance sheet (i.e. an accurate snapshot of your current financial picture) it can be hard to even consider your priorities moving forward, such as spending choices, savings, credit cards/debt, investments/asset allocation, retirement planning, etc.

If you need help with any or all of this, then engage a Financial Advisor who leads with financial planning, as opposed to investing, which might come a bit later.

DateSpot Interview for Singles- Amy Andersen

By: Carla Swiryn , CEO & Founder of DateSpot

We’re back with Amy Andersen (AA) of Linx Dating, “Silicon Valley’s Cupid”, and one of DateSpot’s valued amazing partners. In our second half of the installment, she speaks to DateSpot (DS), sharing her wisdom for singles about dating, sex, marriage, plus more about her business and success.

DS: What separates Linx from other matchmaking companies?

AA: It’s really about basic supply, demand, and having a very strong global brand. 20 years of super-serving our niche target customer (clients are at an elite level in life - highly educated, successful, dynamic, high caliber professionals who desire commitment and monogamy) has led to an exponentially-growing network of primarily word-of-mouth referrals from happy clients and a strong reputation globally.

We have a highly coveted, robust database to start with, coupled with that same network’s ability to help us do outbound recruiting and hone in quickly on what our clients seek. So we get results by targeted quality (vs quantity, like the apps), and we do it all by protecting our clients’ privacy.    

Beyond this, at Linx there is no “one type fits all” model to work together and our memberships are completely tailored and curated to reflect the needs of the client. The information to achieve this customization starts during the preliminary meet-and-greet stage with me in person- typically over a shared meal and relaxing conversation. Our intake process is very personalized, clients work directly with me (the founder), I meet everyone in person, and do one of the most deep dives of any matchmaking firm I know of.  Most matchmakers I am aware of don’t meet clients in person and many at the executive level definitely do not do the matchmaking themselves.  They focus on sales or other initiatives. My clients know they will work directly with me and that is most likely one of the reasons they sign up with Linx. This is quite unique to the industry. This is also why I only take on a small group of clients annually.

Another unique differentiating point is that Linx also turns an extremely high percentage of business away. We only accept new clients that we genuinely feel we can help, deliver real results, and get to the finish line of being in a committed, healthy, happy, thriving relationship. We always steer these prospects in the right direction and introduce them to a wonderful matchmaker at another firm that can best serve their needs. DateSpot is a great example of an awesome professional relationship that Linx Dating has where we often send DateSpot amazing singles. 

‍

DS: Do you advise clients on how they should date, and if so, what do you generally suggest?

AA: I provide a fair amount of date coaching for clients, usually only when they ask for it or I feel I need to in an extreme case.  When I do, I am pretty old school  - man should contact the woman first, pay for at least the first date, be a true gentleman (hold doors, etc.) I suggest that my clients have some “talking points” so that they can be prepared for conversation starters if that’s ever hard for them.  I suggest they do something that will relax and energize them prior to the date so that they are in position to have fun and put their best foot forward.  And, finally, I really encourage my female clients to give some verbal affirmations or other signs if they are into their date - men aren’t mind readers and all of that game playing nonchalant stuff can turn a guy off and squash any chemistry and chance for a second date.  The key to success is to prepare for the date mentally and physically (a little exercise), put your best foot forward, dress the part, and keep your energy light and relaxed. Nothing stuffy, heavy, or intense. 

‍

DS: How long should two people wait to have sex?

AA: This is obviously highly personal and relationship-specific, but I generally caution my clients not to go there until they have formally gone “exclusive” with each other. Again, I’m pretty old school this way. Remember you’re not exclusive till you have the verbal talk. Don’t assume anything until a conversation has taken place! 

‍

DS: What are single professionals or retirees often looking for in a partner, and what's something they should be looking for?

AA: I really try to get my clients to keep an open mind, and to focus on a few key qualities that might be most important to them, versus getting caught up in a long laundry list of objective qualities that they must see in every match.

‍

DS: How many couples do you think you've successfully matched up in your lifetime?

AA: Hundreds and hundreds. Of course it all depends how you define success - is that multiple successful dates for a couple, is it exclusivity, or is it marriage? Majority of all of my couples in biological childbearing years have had at least one child together. And I am really proud to say that nearly all of my marriages are still together with the exception of a couple that did not work out for the long-term.

‍

DS: What types of clients or search parameters do you NOT take on?

AA: Unfortunately, I have not tackled same-sex matches as I don’t yet have the depth of network or level of expertise to support it. 

‍

DS: I know you are happily married; which pieces of advice are keys to your own marriage success?

AA: We get each other and respect each other’s independence and don’t crowd each other - we are both Type A and driven - but we always make time for each other to connect and get on the same page and will drop what we are doing if one needs the other.   We are also parents to a wonderful 9-year old son and two dogs who we love deeply and fortunately are on the same page with parenting and bond over that. Our marriage has strengthened and deepened since having a child. Every day I am so grateful for having met my husband some 17 years ago and be blessed with a child. There is no greater gift in the world. On top of this, we encourage honesty and try to always communicate for better or for worse. I try to laugh each day and encourage my husband to not take things too seriously and bring levity to the day through humor. 

‍

With those marriage goals in mind, we’re wishing each of you all the personal and professional success that Amy has seen in her life. If you’re interested in potentially working with her, know that her fees are steep ($50K+), but if you’re fortunate enough to be in the position to be a client and to be accepted, she will do everything in her power to see you succeed like she has. You can check out her website at www.linxdating.com and her entertaining very active Instagram @ ms.linxdating.

‍

DateSpot Interview for Matchmakers- Amy Andersen

Photo by: Annie Barnette

Interview By: Carla Swiryn , CEO & Founder of DateSpot

A Note from Amy Andersen: I was thrilled to reconnect with my esteemed colleague and dear friend, Carla Swiryn, for a written interview to shed light on the partnership between Linx Dating and DateSpot (DS).

With some of our clientele intersecting, and other potential clients clearly better suited to one of us, we've forged a harmonious referral relationship where Linx caters to the high end of the market as DateSpot offers matchmaking that is more accessible to the masses. Our collaboration thrives by ensuring that everyone can receive meticulous attention.

This interview delves into the inner workings of my business, sheds light on the dynamics of the matchmaking industry in general, reveals some of the keys to my own marriage success, and highlights numerous experiences I have had with singles navigating the dating landscape.

If you're interested in DateSpot's affordable, pay-per-match process, check it out here and add Amy at Linx as the referrer on signup.

“Ask anyone who is the most elite matchmaker in Northern California, and you will undoubtedly hear Amy’s name. Linx Dating's Founder, Amy Andersen (AA), has been matching high caliber, marriage-minded professionals for over twenty years (since 2003), with a focus on Silicon Valley, though she selectively takes on clients worldwide.

I am proud to say that Linx Dating (www.linxdating.com) was one of DateSpot’s first partners vetted and approved to access our candidate platform (to secure potential matches for their own database). In getting to know her over the years, it’s clear that through her friendly and classy charm, empathy, intuition, responsiveness, humor, and dedication, she has earned one of the highest reputations in the industry.

As the Founder of DateSpot (DS), I had the opportunity to ask her some questions to get to know more about her background, views, and ultra-successful business.

I decided to split her thoughtful answers into two parts - one blog post geared towards matchmakers and the other for singles.

I'm first sharing her answers geared towards matchmakers, so if you’re a professional in the industry or considering becoming one, perk up your ears and check out what she said…

DS: How did you enter the world of matchmaking and when did you know you could do this professionally?

AA: I was living in Silicon Valley in the height of the dot com era and was struck by how the men down in the Valley couldn’t find accessible, attractive, and extraordinary women, and how my female friends up in San Francisco couldn’t find a guy to commit. My idea literally came from pure observation about the dismal dating scene in Silicon Valley and a huge surplus of attractive brainy women in San Francisco.

I initially started matching these groups to each other for free and worked out of a Starbucks or Peets (whichever didn’t eventually kick me out) to save money, and eventually people wanted to pay to get more attention and better service. Then I knew I had a business. I had always loved putting people together and hosting little gatherings and Soirees but never thought I would actually start a matchmaking business until the opportunity in front of me was too good to be true.

DS: What advice do you have for aspiring matchmakers or people considering the occupation?

AA: This can be an extremely fun and rewarding business but also brutally tough to build, scale and differentiate yourself. You need to hugely patient, persistent, focused, and not easily discouraged. And you’d better love (mostly) what you do. Beyond this, you need to have a substantial network of singles already in place or ideas of how to generate a network. I started my business having grown up in the San Francisco Bay Area which helped a lot in the early days of building my network. You also better develop a very thick skin. I think a lot of people think this industry must be all “peaches and cream” working in such a happy business but the reality is we are dealing with extremely sensitive situations, matters of the heart, tough and demanding Clients and beyond this, running a business is really, really hard work. You need to have intuition, people skills, enjoy people of all walks of life and backgrounds, have sensitivities and compassion, not be judgmental, and beyond this some sort of business acumen.

‍DS: What lessons have you learned at Linx that could apply to any business owner?

AA: Start with a relatively narrow focus, super-serve your customers in that niche, and do that part extremely well. The key to success is thinking local versus global. Too many entrepreneurs start their business thinking about global expansion versus staying local and doing the best job you can do in your own market.

The growth will come organically from there. Also, keep all options open and pursue opportunities and relationships that you come across - you never know from where or when those breakthrough moments could come. Take meetings with all sorts of people, keep an open-mind, friendly attitude, and network. Have business cards on you.

There is something really nice about actually handing someone a card (more of an art then days) and taking the time to look at it and keep it in your rolodex of contacts.

DS: Maintaining confidentiality of course, can you share a story or scenario of one of the strangest requests or client searches?

AA: I have had some strange ones - one, in particular, was where a client was seeking a curvy, more voluptuous woman who was a graduate from one specific prestigious University. I am regularly asked by my clients to initially disclose information about them to their match that they might think would be hard to address themselves on a first date - that can be anything from a health condition to a strange preference. I get a lot of practice in the art of awkward conversations. I never judge anyone’s requests or preferences. As they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

DS: If you could do anything professionally other than matchmaking, what would it be?

AA: Oh I love this question! If it were based on pure passion, I might be a marine biologist, astronaut, dermatologist or do something in art like a crazy artist splashing paint on paint canvases blasting music with apprentices helping me. But as far as translating professional skills, I would probably be a natural in real estate, as I have a great network, and love sales, brokering deals, and designing spaces. I enjoy art, architecture, style, and creating a beautiful living space. I also love helping people achieve their dreams and goals.

DS: Why do you think you've been so successful?

AA: Incessant hard work, dedication and focus, a consistent and honest commitment to the brand that epitomizes me and my business and, perhaps most importantly, some really great luck along the way.

It’s hard for me to believe it’s been over 20 years that I have been running Linx Dating. To be honest, not a day has gone by in the last two decades that I am not thinking about my work. I’ve always had a fire in my belly as an entrepreneur and the flame has only intensified as my business has grown. To me each and every day is exciting. I wake up each morning grateful there is still a demand and thankful for my spectacular clients. I am excited to see how each and every day unfolds and the challenges that come with it. For me it’s still really fun and that’s what keeps me going!

‍DS: How do you think the matchmaking industry has evolved over the past 10 or 20 years?

AA: When I started my business in 2003, the notion of hiring a professional matchmaker definitely raised some eyebrows and was considered slightly taboo and maybe even a little controversial. It wasn’t for everyone and sometimes people back then assumed something was “wrong” with you if you needed to hire a matchmaker.

Fast forward some 20 years later - hiring a matchmaking has become very normalized and one could argue, en vogue. When I first started my business, there were a few key players in the space- mostly the big matchmaking services that were far more commercialized and not a lot of niche based matchmakers available. There were no apps when I started Linx and only a few dating websites like Yahoo Personals, Match, and eHarmony.

‍In the last 10 years, there have been hundreds of niche matchmakers opening shops all across the country and we have seen the rise of countless choices for dating apps. Even with sophisticated dating apps, I find a lot of singles experience real app fatigue are tired of the misrepresentations, the lack of privacy, and the poor odds. As such, I see that dating apps have reinforced the need for personalization and vetting and this is one of the many reasons the matchmaking industry has exploded with growth.

It’s an exciting time to be in the industry and has become a natural resource and obvious choice for many single men and women as compared to some 15-20 years ago.

‍DS: What are your current initiatives?

AA: A heavy focus on super-serving a smaller number of elite VIP clients. My business has evolved to primarily focus on a handful of very specialized, ultra intense VIP searches. It’s the most challenging work in the world in my humble opinion. It’s like having a puzzle and finding the missing piece in the puzzle for the search. My VIP clients basically have this incredible life with all the puzzle pieces lined up from years of hard work and so much success but the one missing piece is their match and life partner. It’s such an honor to get to figure out how to find that missing puzzle piece and when I figure it out for them and the piece fits so uniquely into that giant puzzle that represents my clients extraordinary life, a true miracle has happened. I love love and I love what I do so much!

Amy wanted to end with “Thank you for this opportunity to talk with your network about Linx and matchmaking. I am honored to have spoken to you all today.”

Spoken by a true gracious queen. Thank you, Amy! We look forward to sharing Part 2 for Singles soon!”

To follow DateSpot on Socials Visit:

Instagram @DateSpot

LinkedIn @DateSpot

Uncovering the Unconscious: The Key to Successful Dating

By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Dating is a complex game, a delicate dance between conscious decisions and the often unchecked realm of the unconscious mind. It's a game with countless pieces, many of which we don't even realize are in play. How can we wrestle with the idea that thoughts hidden deep within our minds can influence our actions and shape our dating experiences? The answer lies in building trust within yourself, above all else.

Our unconscious thoughts are like the roots of a tree, growing beneath the surface, and they shape our behavior more than we might think.  We are the “total sum” of all of our life’s experiences - our thoughts and learned behaviors are generated as we live our lives. When our brains encounter trauma, as we grow older, our unconscious mind continues to spring into action, guiding our actions to "protect" us from perceived threats - they whisper to our conscious thoughts, steering them away from potential threats. Over time, if these unconscious thoughts go unchecked, they can justify behaviors that once kept us safe but may now be holding us back in the world of dating.

A potential key to growth and more successful dating is to dig deeper into your unconscious mind to understand these protective mechanisms and how they might be working in your specific case so that you can have some awareness and bring balance to your dating game. 

Here's your call to action:

1. Self-reflection: Take some time to reflect on your past dating experiences. Are there recurring patterns or behaviors that you see and can you potentially trace them back to any past traumas in your life?

2. Seeking support: As a progression beyond self-reflection, you might consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can help you explore these deeper layers of your mind by identifying traumas and working through any past issues that might be affecting your dating life.

3. Mindfulness and meditation: Practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, both conscious and unconscious. Meditation can be a valuable tool in understanding and managing your thoughts.  It can be a simple as setting aside five minutes to focus on your breathing in a quiet space or an active meditation class with others.

4. Open communication: When dating, be open and honest with your partner about your thoughts and feelings. This can help you surface more hidden issues and aid you both in understanding each other on a deeper level to create a more meaningful connection.

In sum, trust yourself, actively embrace self-awareness, and pave the way for a more fulfilling and balanced dating experience. Your unconscious mind may be your protector, but with the right tools, you can guide it toward healthier and more successful choices in the world of dating.

A Day In The Life As A Matchmaker

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

My name is Amy Andersen I am the Founder and CEO of Linx Dating. I wake up around 6:30 am, and the first thing I do is drink coffee. It’s actually in my wedding vows that my husband brings me coffee in the morning. In our 15-year marriage, he’s pretty much never broken this vow- I must say it’s impressive. Then I get my kiddo's breakfast ready and quickly check my email and various messaging apps, including Signal, Proton Mail, and WhatsApp, to see if any high-profile or international clients have reached out overnight. After school drop off, I return home and do anywhere from 15-30 minutes of emails. 

My morning workout is a must I typically run 3 days a week, rain or shine. Other days I mix in gym sessions or neighborhood walks. I listen to all sorts of music on my runs, from hip hop and, don’t laugh- military boot camp marine sergeant recordings. Post-workout, I shower and whip up a nutritious green smoothie. I practice a relaxed form of intermittent fasting, refraining from eating until noon, as part of my disciplined routine.

Back at home, I shower up and make one of my insanely delish green smoothies loaded with organic spinach, blueberries, almond milk, and Live Pure super food smoothie cubes!  I also try to take my daily vitamins. I do a relaxed “my version” of intermittent fasting, do I try not to eat before 12 p.m..  If you haven’t noticed, I lead a pretty disciplined life. It’s a strategy that makes me successful. 

My office is about a 5 min drive from my home. I have optimized on purpose for a better quality of life and not spend unnecessary time on the road. If I have to commute to San Francisco from Silicon Valley for a client, I always have a driver so I can get work done on my laptop- plus I’m not someone who lives to drive. It’s a necessity but not a sport for me. 

My days are consumed by piling through an endless sea of emails. I get inbound inquiries on a daily basis from around the world of single men and women wanting to be matched. And as CEO of Linx, I always put myself in a prospect's shoes and ask myself, “What would it be like to email a dating service?”  Even if I can’t help someone, I always make a point to write them a personal email. It’s a highly personalized and heart-centric business, so it’s very important for me to not only be kind but empathetic and respond.

Beyond this, I am on the phone with my clients throughout the day, getting feedback from their respective dates and strategizing with them about getting to the next level in their personal lives (from exclusive to engagement or married)! 

I’m hydrating throughout the day- lots of water! I might be noshing on a salad throughout the day, fruit, another smoothie….or need a pick me up and grab an iced latte at Peets down the street! 

I might be on a Zoom with a prospect one afternoon or on with my social media team, mapping out our content or planning a VIP client social campaign. My team is constantly monitoring trends and what’s relevant, teaching me, and keeping me up to date on everything.  

I love slowing down with my family and going around the dinner table to discuss our days. It’s a moment during the day to be with one another, break bread, and catch up. I try to be home by 5 p.m. to make dinner for my family. I’m no chef, but I try to make healthy food. I’m vegetarian, and the rest of my family is not. This might mean a Door Dash salad for me and making pasta with Sautéed sausage and veg for them. I do a weekly menu on Sundays, but sometimes life gets crazy, and we need to adapt and be spontaneous. Once the family is off to bed, I catch up on emails for at least 1-2 hours every night. It’s also a time for me to match clients and think about “who” could be a fantastic fit with which client. I love how creative my job is!

Generally around 10 p.m. I will watch something brainless like Love Is Blind or The Golden Bachelor. It’s part of the job, right? I review my “To Do” List and Appts for the next day at the end of the day. I say some affirmations before bed and always think about my couples and clients. I literally visualize their happiness and success in the Matchmaking journey. I remind myself how grateful I am and so blessed to be celebrating my twentieth year in running Linx Dating. 

I am lights out at midnight and ready to go again the next day!