Are You Ready To Move In Together?

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Moving in together is a huge step in the relationship; it’s a chance to deepen your connection and move forward.  But, before signing the lease, here are the 5 most important topics to cover BEFORE moving in along with some suggested “conversation starters,” that you can adapt to your style and situation.

1. Long-term goals and dreams

Before moving in together, discuss your long-term goals as a couple. This can include everything from career aspirations to family planning. Make sure you're both on the same page and have similar visions for the future.

Conversation starter: “I’m excited to move in together, but I need a better sense of long-term plans to make me feel confident and take next steps. Are you ready to talk about this?”

2. Financial situations and planning

Money can be a major source of stress in any relationship, so it's important to be clear about your individual financial situations and discuss how you'll split expenses. You should also consider setting up a joint account to cover emergencies or household bills.

Conversation starter: “When we talk about moving in, I think we should talk through all the financial parts, so I can plan budget, save and plan accordingly. It’s important to me that we move forward without financial mysteries; it’ll save us both headaches.”

3. Household management

Living together means sharing household responsibilities. How will you divide up tasks such as cleaning, cooking, and grocery shopping? Are there chores you could outsource? Make sure you're both comfortable with the expectations around the house. 

Conversation starter: “Taking care of a house or apartment together is a big deal. How do you think we should think about our new chores. I call dibs on the cooking, but I would need help with dishes.” 

4. Find ways to compromise

If you live together, you’ll need to compromise. Whether it’s about furniture, bedtimes or entertaining, it’s important to strike that balance on what will make the relationship stronger vs. your individual happiness. 

Conversation starter: “I’m used to living by myself, so I’m particular about clutter and making sure we don’t have too many guests. What’s your stance? What would be ideal for you?”

5. Establish boundaries

Setting boundaries is ultimately going to help you maintain peace and privacy without distancing yourself from your partner. It may feel a bit mechanical in the beginning, but it will ultimately pave the way for a harmonious living situation.

Conversation starter: “I will be working from the home office, so I need to work distraction-free until 4. If I can work straight through, I won’t have to work nights, so I really need time to focus.”

Ultimately, the path to a seamless living situation is paved with open and honest communication. And, as they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so please get clear about your needs and expectations prior to moving in. 

Ask Amy: What should I do before meeting his kids?

Hi Amy,

I am excited to build a future with my current boyfriend, but I’m not sure how I should handle his kids. He was married before, has 2 kids from that marriage, and I’m very nervous about meeting them and all the responsibilities that come with that. I want this to go well, but I’m not sure how to prepare. Any ideas? 

Firstly, it’s always smart to be intentional about your relationship with the kids. But, before you meet the kids, I suggest a sit down with your boyfriend to talk through your role in his kids’ lives and how involved you plan to be in their upbringing. Is he expecting you to co-parent? Are you up for that? I would seriously consider your personal boundaries and needs before any next steps, including meeting the kids.

Once you and your partner are on the same page about your role with the kids, try to learn as much as you can about them in advance. Ask questions about their hobbies, personalities, and anything that’s off limits or problematic to discuss. A little detective work can go a long way when you’re wondering how to start the conversation with them. 

Before meeting the kids, I suggest letting go of expectations and preparing for different scenarios. We all hope the kids will be as excited to meet you as you are to meet them, but they may be indifferent or even hostile. Remember, the negative reaction has more to do with their emotional state than anything you did. Focus on being kind, patient, and understanding. 

When it comes to pace, let the kids decide the speed and level of interaction. Even though a hug might feel relaxed and natural for you, it could feel forced from the child’s point of view. Relationships aren’t created overnight; they are built over time. It may take time for hugs, handshakes and affection to feel natural, so take your time to intentionally build the relationship.

And, finally, a note about boundaries. As you grow more involved in the children’s lives, boundaries can feel a little blurry, but it's important not to overstep. Steer clear of disciplining the kids or getting involved in any disagreements between them and their parents; it will only make things more complicated. 

Wishing you all the best.

Affectionately,

Amy

P.S. Something weighing on your mind? Want another point of view? Please comment your questions below!

Why You Should Date Outside Your Type

What is a type

Listening to someone describes their type, you will often hear descriptions of physical characteristics (e.g., height, eye color, hair color, etc.) commonly superseding any personality traits (e.g., interests, passions, hobbies) mentioned. People frequently chase a specific type and will exclusively seek out this type when dating. But does the type they're pursuing really make sense for them? People can overlook certain non-favorable traits in a potential romantic partner if they fall into their "perfect type," hoping the rest of the desirable characteristics will develop later on. This approach of solely dating the same type can render unhealthy dating patterns.

Having a Type vs. Having Basic Criteria 

It's normal to have a few basic core elements of what you desire in your future partner- that could be race, age, religion, or specific personality traits but beyond that, chemistry is entirely elusive, and you must be OPEN to love in all shapes and forms. Closing yourself off to possibilities when someone is outside your standard type is a surefire way to limit your dating experience. Acknowledge your pattern, its current success rate, and ultimately if searching outside your type could greatly benefit your dating life. 

How to Break The Pattern 

When dating, having a consistent pattern that has always left you with the seemingly wrong type doesn't break without a conscious effort. Breaking the pattern begins with expanding your scope of thinking to pursue other types of romantic partners as an exciting experience. A willingness to be mentally and romantically open to the uncertainty of someone outside your typical type could bring the perfect match.  

As a professional Matchmaker for around 20 years, some of my most brilliant matches have been outliers. In other words, my clients took a chance and were willing to deviate from their total ideal match criteria, and when they kept an open mind and heart, that was the moment they met the love of their life!

What Are Some Red Flags to Look for When Dating Someone New?

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Red flags come in all shapes and sizes, from subtle hints that something isn't quite right between the two of you, to more obvious signs that should make you stop and take notice. In this blog post we'll explore some red flags which could indicate trouble is brewing in your budding romance—so read on and arm yourself with knowledge.

Lack of communication 

Effective communication is a cornerstone of any successful relationship. If your partner refuses to share their thoughts and feelings with you, or if they're uninterested in hearing yours, this could be an indicator that the connection isn't as strong as it needs to be for lasting success. Without clear dialogue between partners, true intimacy can’t flourish—look out for signs that conversations are falling on deaf ears.

Always talking about themselves 

A successful relationship requires more than just one person's devotion; both partners must make a conscious effort to be engaged and show respect for the other. If you're noticing that your date talks without pause about themselves, it could be an indication they aren't interested in a balanced give-and-take dynamic where both of you are heard.

Possessiveness  

Possessiveness can be a slippery slope, often disguised as love. From wanting to know your every move and what you're wearing to trying to dictate who's in or out of your life - this controlling behavior needs watching for warning signs that it might turn into something more damaging down the line.

Jealousy 

A little jealousy can be cute, but excessive jealousy is a huge red flag. If your partner is constantly accusing you of cheating or interrogating you about your whereabouts, it's time to reevaluate the relationship. Jealousy can also lead to controlling behavior and can be a sign of deeper issues like insecurity or possessiveness.

A lot of talk about the ex

If your date is constantly bringing up their ex, that's a red flag. It could indicate that they're not over their past relationship or that they're still holding onto resentment. Either way, it's not a good sign for your future together.

Insecurity 

This is one of the most dangerous threats to a relationship, manifesting as jealousy and possessiveness which erode trust between partners. Look for signs like belittling behavior or an overly low sense of self-worth in your spouse - these could signal insecurity that needs to be addressed before it takes hold over your connection with them.

Dishonesty

Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, and if your partner is constantly lying to you, it's a major red flag. Whether it's about small things like where they were last night or big things like their financial situation, dishonesty can erode trust and make it difficult to build a healthy relationship.

Anger issues

If your partner has a quick temper and frequently loses their cool, it's a red flag. This type of behavior can escalate into physical or emotional abuse and can make it difficult for  your partner to have a healthy relationship.​

Lack of empathy

If your partner seems incapable of putting themselves in your shoes and understanding your feelings, it's a red flag. This type of behavior can make it difficult for your partner to have a healthy relationship and can also indicate a lack of emotional intelligence. 

It's important to be aware of the red flags that can signal trouble in a relationship. Whether it's lack of communication, controlling behavior, or dishonesty, these red flags can be warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. Remember that these red flags can sometimes be signs of deeper issues and that your date hasn’t yet processed or addressed. Just remember to trust your instincts, be honest with yourself, and seek help if you need it, and you'll be able to navigate the dating world with confidence.

Ask Amy: How to Handle Non-Committal Men

You’re ready to settle down, but he’s not ready. Today, we take a closer look at what to do when he won’t commit.

Okay, so you’ve been dating a guy for a while, everything seems great, and you’re ready to take things to the next level, but there’s one problem—he won’t commit. It’s a frustrating and confusing experience, especially when emotions are running hot. Here are some learnings that I’ve passed on to clients in the past; I hope something resonates if you’re experiencing the same. 

First and foremost, it’s important to communicate your intentions or, in other words, what kind of relationship you’re looking for. It’s possible that he may be completely unaware of what you want, or he may have his own fears or concerns that he hasn’t expressed to you. By having an open and honest conversation, you can work together to find a solution that works for both of you.

Example #1

“I really like how things are going, and I’m thinking about getting a little more serious about things. How are you feeling?” 

Example #2

“Dating you has made me realize that I am looking for [insert what you want]. How does that kind of [relationship goal] make you feel?”

There may be some reasons giving him pause. If he’s hesitant to commit because he’s afraid of losing his freedom or independence, reassure him that being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean sacrificing his individuality. In fact, a healthy relationship allows both partners to grow and pursue their own interests while still supporting each other. 

If his hesitation stems from his being unsure if you’re the right person for him, give him space to figure out his feelings. Pressuring him to make a commitment before he’s ready will only lead to resentment and potentially pushing him further away. And, let’s also consider your mental and emotional health as you continue to pursue a man who isn’t sure about you… it might be time for you to give yourself space, too.  

If he’s avoiding the commitment conversation altogether, I suggest a direct conversation—your time is of the essence! Let him know that avoiding the conversation makes you feel anxious about sharing a future and the kind of relationship you need will require commitment. If he’s not ready to commit for various reasons, it’s important to respect his decision and move on.  

If you’re not getting the commitment you want, take a step back and get honest with yourself. Are you willing to wait for him possibly to commit, or do you need to move on and find someone who is ready for the same level of commitment as you right now? It might not always be the same answer, but it’s important to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Remember, you deserve someone who is willing to commit to you and give you the love and respect you need.

Affectionately yours,

Amy 

P.S. Something weighing on your mind? Want another point of view? Please comment your questions below!