You’re ready to settle down, but he’s not ready. Today, we take a closer look at what to do when he won’t commit.
Okay, so you’ve been dating a guy for a while, everything seems great, and you’re ready to take things to the next level, but there’s one problem—he won’t commit. It’s a frustrating and confusing experience, especially when emotions are running hot. Here are some learnings that I’ve passed on to clients in the past; I hope something resonates if you’re experiencing the same.
First and foremost, it’s important to communicate your intentions or, in other words, what kind of relationship you’re looking for. It’s possible that he may be completely unaware of what you want, or he may have his own fears or concerns that he hasn’t expressed to you. By having an open and honest conversation, you can work together to find a solution that works for both of you.
Example #1
“I really like how things are going, and I’m thinking about getting a little more serious about things. How are you feeling?”
Example #2
“Dating you has made me realize that I am looking for [insert what you want]. How does that kind of [relationship goal] make you feel?”
There may be some reasons giving him pause. If he’s hesitant to commit because he’s afraid of losing his freedom or independence, reassure him that being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean sacrificing his individuality. In fact, a healthy relationship allows both partners to grow and pursue their own interests while still supporting each other.
If his hesitation stems from his being unsure if you’re the right person for him, give him space to figure out his feelings. Pressuring him to make a commitment before he’s ready will only lead to resentment and potentially pushing him further away. And, let’s also consider your mental and emotional health as you continue to pursue a man who isn’t sure about you… it might be time for you to give yourself space, too.
If he’s avoiding the commitment conversation altogether, I suggest a direct conversation—your time is of the essence! Let him know that avoiding the conversation makes you feel anxious about sharing a future and the kind of relationship you need will require commitment. If he’s not ready to commit for various reasons, it’s important to respect his decision and move on.
If you’re not getting the commitment you want, take a step back and get honest with yourself. Are you willing to wait for him possibly to commit, or do you need to move on and find someone who is ready for the same level of commitment as you right now? It might not always be the same answer, but it’s important to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Remember, you deserve someone who is willing to commit to you and give you the love and respect you need.
Affectionately yours,
Amy
P.S. Something weighing on your mind? Want another point of view? Please comment your questions below!