Client Testimonial: Retired 60-Something Lawyer

Every day, I am reminded of the incredible privilege I have as a matchmaker to work with matters as sensitive and profound as the heart.

It's a journey that requires trust, empathy, and a deep understanding of each person's unique story.

Today, I'm excited to share a heartfelt testimonial from one of our wonderful clients at Linx Dating.

“As an initial matter, it's important to understand my starting point. When you and I first began working together, I was just approaching the first anniversary of my wife's death. We'd been married and in love for more than three decades. I knew I wouldn't be able to build a new life for myself without a partner, but hadn't been on a "date" since the early 1980's. I knew absolutely nothing about how to find a life partner, and heard nothing but horror stories about online dating apps.

Working with you has been an enormous accelerator to my efforts. Beyond the good advice you shared, your referrals to other service providers in your network (e.g., photos and wardrobe building) have proven to be invaluable.

As I write this, I'm now seeing (on an "exclusive" basis) a woman you introduced about 7 months ago. She's warm, smart, interesting, attractive and serious about creating a genuine relationship. Most importantly, I'm happy when I'm with her. It's still too early to know if she's "the one," but I do know that I'd never have met her without your introduction.

Over the last year, you've introduced a substantial number of women. To be sure, some were quite far from a perfect fit. But a surprisingly high percentage were very impressive. Perhaps most importantly, they were all looking for a serious relationship and many had tried-and-quit online dating.

I've had fun/interesting dates with women I'd never have met otherwise.

At this point in my "journey," a key component of my daily personal happiness is the knowledge that, even if things don't work out with the woman I'm currently seeing, you stand ready to make new introductions.

A few words of caution/advice for your prospective clients. Seeking a life partner is pretty much the perfect opposite of purchasing a commodity. You can't get ahead of the curve by doing research, reading reviews and simply being willing to spend money. At the end of the day, you're looking for the "magic" that makes two people enjoy each other's company and live well together. Finding that is, first and foremost, a numbers game. You've got to be willing to meet lots of women . . . and keep an open mind/heart while you're doing so. I've met many women over the last year who would make fantastic friends. But only one woman who seems like a good fit as a romantic partner. Taking into consideration how rare "magic" really is, that shouldn't come as a surprise. Beyond numbers, you must stay focused on what truly matters. Everyone has their "negatives." It's incredibly easy to find reasons to reject a potential partner, and incredibly easy to lose sight of how rare and valuable a "magic" connection is. When the magic strikes, you've got to be ready with an open heart and the willingness to make a relationship work.

I'm very glad we're working together.”

Member Spotlight: Caring and Adventurous Gentleman

We are thrilled to introduce our new client, a dynamic and athletic gentleman searching for an adventurous mate to share life's journey.

Are you at home in the mountains but equally comfortable in an evening dress?  Are you into real adventure? Our bachelor is 59, stands a tall 6’0" and is very athletic... hazel eyes and a full head of salt and pepper hair who looks considerably younger than his age.  He’s lived in Europe and is considering splitting time between there and his current home in Tahoe.  Or perhaps somewhere else entirely.

While technically a real estate developer, he has prioritized life experience,  first for his two (now-grown and launched) children and now with you.  While currently quite busy with a small portfolio of development projects, his hope is to make that a little more part time in the not too distant future 

This UC Berkeley Engineering graduate eschewed the normal path and became a ski bum for a couple of years. Learned to rock climb (climbed El Cap twice, among other notables) and had some epic adventures before starting his career.

His life’s next adventure was a 20+ year marriage (faithful and steady) with two wonderful children.  He threw himself into fatherhood – being a coach, a referee, school board chair at an acclaimed charter school and later at the kid’s ski academy high school.  While professionally successful, he prioritized family over business and created the life he wanted. 

He’s an avid cook and loves to entertain small groups of friends and family.  He tries to do a lot of reading in between all of  the other activities.  Full disclosure - he’s not a good guitar player, but tries.  Loves live music and travel for just about any compelling reason. Comfortable in jeans around a campfire but looks pretty good in his tuxedo as well.

Your bachelor’s personality is caring, creative, tenacious, and self-reflective.  He always seeks to learn from all of life’s lessons to be the best version of himself. Most that know him comment about his unrelenting optimism, deep empathy, and high EQ.  Since his divorce 5 years ago, he has pursued personal growth, different modalities of therapy.  While far from perfect, he has emerged an honest, emotionally available, whole person. In 30 years he wants to be still so obviously in love with his partner that it’s annoyingly cute.  

His best suited match is between the ages of 39-59 years old. She’s fit, athletic, and supremely comfortable in her own skin.  She is well traveled, worldly, intentional, empathetic, and strong enough to take the lead but confident enough to follow too.  She relishes in the idea of rock climbing with her guy or back country skiing, mountain biking, or paddle boarding. 

Camping, van life, cooking by fireside….this is exciting to her.  Life is a grand adventure and she’s excited to find her forever partner to ride through the journey together.  Ideally his dream partner has the flexibility to travel, so if she has kids, they are independent self-sufficient souls.   There are no fees for qualifying candidates.  Please email: amy@linxdating.com if you’re intrigued by what you’ve read.  

What Linx Members are Saying...

We are thrilled to share some heartwarming feedback from one of our members of the Linx Dating database. Recently matched with a client, her experience underscores the dedication and success of our team. Her words of appreciation not only affirm our mission but also ignite our excitement for the future as we continue to create meaningful connections. Read on to learn more about her journey and the positive impact of being part of the Linx Dating Database.

“Amy is absolutely incredible. You can really tell she is pouring her heart and soul into what she does; this feels like her life's work rather than just a business. It was particularly apparent with the giddy sense of curiosity she seemed to feel right before I went on my first date with the wonderful gentleman she matched me with. I could just tell her excitement and that she knew this would be good and that she couldn't wait to see the outcome. I felt that she was so invested in us. She supported me all the way through, helping me with advice on what to wear when I asked and calming me down when he didn't text right away (lol) - all in just such a friendly genuine way that more than anything gave me so much confidence and made me believe more in myself.

What perhaps impressed me the most with Amy is her unbelievable sense of intuition. I had been in her data base for a few months when her team reached out letting me know they had a potential match for me. Her wonderful chief of staff Dani and later Amy herself spoke through the match and highlighted things about him that they felt were a great fit for me. I was really taken aback - the entire time I was like, how do you know this about me! Amy would then point to the tiniest things I wrote in my profile and say things like, "see because you said X, I figured Y was the case". She is so absolutely brilliant in her understanding of humanity.

The match she set up was without question one of the best first dates of my life. The chemistry was there and instant and I can't wait to go out with the guy again!

I am in awe of who Amy is and what she has built. Having met her and experienced what she did for me, I'm not surprised in the slightest that she's matched the who's who in the tech industry and beyond, and that they call her Silicon Valley's Cupid.

Anyone who is busy and frustrated with today's dating landscape ... you'd be amiss not to give Amy a shot. She's made dating fun again.

Thank you Amy :)”

Dating & Finance (Part 3)

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Tough conversations for couples can vary depending on their specific circumstances, but one theme that we hear about regularly is MONEY. Over 50% of couples do not communicate anything about finances. According to AICPA research, nearly three in four (73%) married or cohabitating Americans say financial decisions are a source of tension in their relationship. 

Let’s get real….hashing out finances, including budgeting, spending habits, debts, and long-term financial goals, can be very challenging. These discussions may include decisions about joint bank accounts, saving for the future, or managing financial disparities between partners, among other things.

At Linx, we see this is as a heavily recurring theme in our couples and have taken the initiative to recruit a top SF Bay Area-based financial professional to answer some questions and provide general guidance on navigating potential landmines.  Our expert works in private wealth management and brings deep experience and a broad perspective to relationships with a select group of families, individuals, and entrepreneurs of all backgrounds, ages, and stages in their lives. 

Q: I know that you represent high net worth families, individuals, and entrepreneurs. I would imagine that you have encountered situations where two individuals in a romantic relationship love each other, but might be forced to address a significant disparity in financial income, assets, or both?  How does one bring up this topic with ease and confidence?  

A:  Not to sound like a broken record, but we are back to knowing your numbers.

If everyone knows their numbers and is forthright about their numbers, then household financial planning can proceed in a thoughtful manner, taking into account what each person can afford and reflecting any disparities in income or assets.  The realities of life require this planning and create a natural “excuse,” if one is even needed, to have any hard, adult discussions.

Ambiguity is what usually breeds resentment and causes problems.  It’s hard not to be resentful if you are spending what you cannot afford to keep up with a wealthier partner.  Moreover, if a wealthier partner cannot understand that, then you have a major red flag in the relationship.  Even with that said, if a wealthier partner starts receiving unrealistic financial demands from the less wealthy partner, then that is an equally big red flag.  Perhaps worst of all, if a partner is not receptive to hashing these issues out with you, even if awkward or difficult, that could be the biggest red flag of all.

Q: In your experience, what are some other “hot button” issues for a newly exclusive or recently married couple?     Are there any stories or scenarios you can cite from your practice that could be beneficial as “lessons learned” for our readers?

A: Communication is super important.  

I watch a couple’s body language all the time when we are planning or doing portfolio reviews.  You usually can tell which ones have a healthy relationship by how they communicate.  Strangely the ones that argue the most (respectfully on both sides of course) are usually the ones with the strongest relationship.  They talk through, and hash out, everything.  Something I have seen work is having a state of the union discussion about the relationship at least once a year, maybe on the couple’s anniversary.

Money if often the biggest hot button issue with couples, so don’t feel like you’re alone in this.  

Unfortunately, regardless of how evil you feel money is, the only way most things happen in life is if you have the financial resources to make them happen.

Everyone’s relationship to money is unique to them.  There are very wealthy people who hate spending money and get really upset if they have to pay $10 for parking. (My spouse is a horrible tipper whilst I am more generous.  We solved that issue by deciding that if you are paying the bill, you decide the tip).  We all can admit that we usually have an idea of someone’s approach to money from the first few dates.   I call it their financial DNA. You recognize it from their restaurant selection, what kind of tipper they are, etc.  I see it with clients all the time, there is one spouse worried about every dime and the other who is happy to spend.  You cannot and will not change someone’s feelings about money.  Usually it has a lot to do with their family situation growing up.  What I have seen work is to, again, know your numbers.  If you know your numbers then you will be able to make informed decisions and talk about what is acceptable individually and collectively.  This is usually why having your own accounts makes the most sense as opposed to combining everything.  It makes you feel less like everything you spend on is in the spotlight and must be accounted for to the other spouse.  

I have even seen non-working spouses being paid a salary by the working spouse so that they can have independence.  One couple even went so far as to have the non-working spouse paid a salary and bonus, taxes and all included.   We can use celebrity prenups as examples (because they are usually made public when a divorce occurs) to see what some arrangements look like.  Examples are lump sum for each year of marriage, percentage ownership in a business if started during the marriage, etc.

Some other issues are:

• Schooling  - private/public and this includes local vs. boarding school.  

• Where to live.  Women tend to want to be close to their families especially when they have children.

• Family, especially if a spouse is supporting members of his/her family financially.

Dating & Finance (Part 2)

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Tough conversations for couples can vary depending on their specific circumstances, but one theme that we hear about regularly is MONEY. Over 50% of couples do not communicate anything about finances. According to AICPA research, nearly three in four (73%) married or cohabitating Americans say financial decisions are a source of tension in their relationship. 

Let’s get real….hashing out finances, including budgeting, spending habits, debts, and long-term financial goals, can be very challenging. These discussions may include decisions about joint bank accounts, saving for the future, or managing financial disparities between partners, among other things.

At Linx, we see this is as a heavily recurring theme in our couples and have taken the initiative to recruit a top SF Bay Area-based financial professional to answer some questions and provide general guidance on navigating potential landmines.  Our expert works in private wealth management and brings deep experience and a broad perspective to relationships with a select group of families, individuals, and entrepreneurs of all backgrounds, ages, and stages in their lives. 

Q: Do you recommend that newly married couples merge their finances or keep them separate?

A:  I personally recommend a combo.  Assuming, from Part 1 of this series, that you both “know your numbers,” then when you start living together, whether it’s pre-marriage or upon being married, there should be a healthy discussion about the household budget.  It should list all the expenses, and how and who will finance them.  A good step forward might be keeping your finances as is, but also opening a joint account, the so-called household account, where each person deposits a portion of the monthly expenses (rent/mortgage, food, dining out, utilities, car, insurance, etc.).   This division should reflect what each person can realistically afford and should include a discussion about what types of expenses require a joint decision (e.g. buying a car, getting a pet).  This allows everyone to keep their autonomy, credit history, etc. but allows each party to contribute to the household budget in a prudent manner.  

Keep in mind, this process can also flesh out all kinds of emotional issues around money – for example, maybe one partner feels strongly about bearing more financial burden whereas the other handles other household responsibilities.   But no matter what, the idea is to open the lines of communication, early on, about any issues around finances to avoid trouble down the road.

Q:  Can you explain what prenup and postnup agreements are and what the potential benefits might be?

 

Prenup

Using a definition from the dictionary, a prenup is an agreement made by a couple before they marry concerning the ownership of their respective assets should the marriage fail.  Here is the legal explanation courtesy of Wikipedia

A prenup is used to provide clarity to couples as to what would happen to their assets if the marriage fails.  There are many reasons for a prenup.   Some people are required to have prenups because of the legal structures of their family or work situations (e.g. trusts, partnerships, etc.) That said, I think everyone should have a prenup no matter your asset level because it provides clarity as to what will happen if you do decide to separate.  Money does strange things to people and the time to think through and decide such matters is at the beginning of the relationship when both parties tend to be calm and rational vs. at the end, when hurt or seeking revenge.

Postnup

Again, courtesy of Wikipedia

Postnups are usually used because the financial situation of the couple has changed drastically since marriage, even if they have a prenup in place.  Examples could be that one of the spouses decides to stay home with the children to allow the other spouse to achieve their career objectives, or a spouse is invited into a work partnership and the existing partners of that entity seek assurance that the Partnership will not have to be dissolved in order to ‘cash out’ a Partner who is divorcing.  We often hear about postnups from celebrities… even one surrounding an ex-President and his wife.  It’s all about providing clarity ahead of time in case of the dissolution of the marriage.

Bigger picture, I honestly believe in prenups and even postnups as they increase transparency and reduce uncertainty which, even if awkward in any way, can pay huge dividends down the road financially and emotionally.  The wealthier the couple either individually or collectively, the more detailed a prenup agreement should be.  You can look to qualified legal counsel and financial advisors for ideas.  Postnups become necessary if, say, one partner decides to stay home with the kids and is no longer contributing financially.  This does not diminish their worth because usually they contribute in every other way to make sure that their spouse is able to be successful – e.g. their time, volunteering, showing really well as a partner at work events, looking after children, the dogs, etc.)