Intentional Dating

By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Are you leaving dates disappointed?  Having flings and situationships with sparks that always seem to fizzle out? Start dating with awareness and intention by considering what you bring to the table and what you are looking for, and walking away when someone shows that they are not what you seek. The healthiest and strongest partnerships form between two self-aware individuals who each can date with this framework in mind.

Know What You Have to Offer

Too often, when searching for a serious partner or relationship, the focus is outward and evades internal reflection. 

Ask yourself how you can directly improve or impact a potential romantic partner’s life.  Examples… When looking to enter a romantic relationship, you are equally as responsible as your counterpart for creating healthy expectations around communication, intimacy, etc. Are you compassionate? Able to communicate your feelings effectively and not overreact in your responses? Can you admit when you are at fault?  Or convey your needs to a partner directly without needless nuance? 

Know What You Seek

Often people stick to searching for partners who fall into their so-called “type,” due to comfort and sticking to what they have known. There is a misconception that always staying with your type will eventually bring you your ideal partner... Though this might be true sometimes, dating solely within your predetermined type is more likely to limit your dating experience and to reduce your exposure to people whom you might not have considered before – a sample group from which your perfect match could emerge.

When setting the parameters for your ideal partner, begin with the non-negotiable traits you want to see in your future partner. As just a few examples, maybe they need to manage conflict effectively and calmly, listen intently to what you say, and prioritize mindfulness or religion in their daily lives.  Next, consider some activities or things you want to do and share with a future partner.  Maybe they are an avid skier or runner, bookworm, art enthusiast, and so on.  Lastly, what are your absolute dealbreakers? Establish the qualities that you know you do not want to see in a partner. Once you balance these various elements, you can begin to create a rough but accurate outline of the type of person you are looking for – an intentional framework that can guide you accurately in dating without being completely restrictive and choking off the possibility of randomness working in your favor to create romance in the unexpected.

Know When It Is Time to Move On

STANDARDS AND BOUNDARIES… you need them and they require YOU to implement them. If you have communicated expectations and a partner’s behavior is well outside what you expect, do not wait until the third act to watch how things unfold. They have shown you how they will likely continue to operate. 

Mediating and attempting to modify and repair behaviors amidst high levels of frustration with a romantic partner is not a pattern likely to change the longer you are together. Trust what they are showing you through their actions and move on to someone who meets your standards and respects your boundaries with less difficulty or hesitation. 

In Review:

It is critical before starting your dating journey to look inside and outside yourself – who are you and what do you offer, and what do you most prioritize in a partner?  Regarding the latter, think hard about priorities… personality characteristics, beliefs, and behaviors are most key, along with trying to avoid sticking with one specific physical type. 

Lastly, trust when someone shows you who they are and how they act - stick to your standards. If someone clearly cannot meet your expectations, do not attempt to mold them into what you are looking for or assume it will get better. Move on and find the one who meets you there. 

You are now equipped with some knowledge on how to date intentionally… and now it is your turn to put it into practice! 

Talking About Technology Use With a Partner

By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Now that nearly everyone holds a multimedia-capable mobile phone of some sort nearby at all times, with SMS, social media and a plethora of other content at their fingertips as potential distractions, conversations are popping up surrounding the frequency of texting or calling, and general boundaries of technology use during dates.  It is important to consider how technology has changed the dating scene – particularly regarding expectations around communication.

How do you navigate these new situations and open a dialogue with a potential or current partner about technology's role in your relationship? In three stages, we give you the tools to understand technology's role in your day-to-day life, to discuss digital communication expectations, and to set boundaries accordingly. 

Stage One:

Understand the role technology plays in your own life

Technology's role in your life can be impacted by many factors such as your profession, relationship with family and friends, television or movie consumption, social media usage, etc. 

Ask yourself - where might technology truly be enhancing your connection with those around you, and how might it be detracting from your relationships? Do your current technology practices bring you authentically closer to others? What existing technology use, habits, or expectations do you have that could create barriers in a relationship? Might some of your technology engagement better be left for your alone time?

You cannot change someone's behaviors yourself… and you are responsible for setting an example for the technology practices you would want to see reflected in a relationship. You and a partner must communicate and listen to be on the same page, which brings us to stage two.   

Stage Two:

Get on the same page about digital engagement and communication expectations in a relationship

What does digital engagement and communication mean? It is any form of communication or consumption through technological channels such as email, text, call, YouTube, Zoom, etc. And as you learn to define how technology influences your communication and impacts your life, sharing and talking about this with a partner would be the next step in keeping it from harming a relationship.

Everyone has different ideas on where, how often, and to what degree interactions with technology should happen. Finding a happy medium on this between you and your partner requires an open dialogue. 

For example, do you and your partner feel the same about how to stay in contact when you are apart (e.g. frequency of texting and calling each other, preference of calling vs texting, time taken to respond, etc.)? 

When you are with a current or potential partner in person, what are your expectations on technology use while together? Understanding a partner's usage, expected sharing practices, transparency when using technology together, and lastly, how you think technology could help strengthen or potentially harm the relationship, are all important to discuss.

Stage Three:

Set and discuss boundaries with your partner

Depending on your situation(s), it might be necessary to set rules and boundaries. 

What are possible behaviors that you or a partner might deem as negative and how can you work around this together? 

As just one example, whether work-related or not, you might enjoy scrolling through social media to "just check out for a minute." However, when spending time building or growing a relationship, this could really be off-putting to a partner.  As another example, mealtimes, for many, are a sacred time to share company, and having a phone even visible and ready to beep or vibrate at any time can feel disruptive and dismissive to a partner.  

So… talk about these things together!  Maybe mealtimes are a technology-free zone to improve conversation and connection.  Your only other option is for you both to sit in frustration and fester about things, hoping a change will occur, while in reality it will make things worse.

In conclusion…

Technology is not going anywhere – if anything, it will be more prevalent with more sophisticated smartphones and smart homes.  There will likely be unpredictable times (e.g., a new job requiring tech, extended time apart, etc.) as well as necessary adjustments that you and your partner will have to make and discuss with the evolution of technology. 

Openness to navigating a confusing conversation about technology usage with your partner is vital in learning to avoid technology playing a negative role in your relationship. 

How Many Dates Before Making it Official?

UpJourney’s Article Written by The Editors, How Many Dates Before Making Your Relationship Official? features contributions from Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating (Visit UpJourney to view the full article)

Look for promising signs instead of counting the number of dates

If you’re wondering how to get him to commit, you’re asking the wrong question. The right man for you—an individual who is ready for a serious relationship—will show you that he is worthy of your time and affection. 

I firmly believe you need to see some promising signs before making your relationship official. So, under this theory, the actual number of dates doesn’t matter. 

Instead, look for signs that the individual you are spending considerable time with is showing you that he’s a good person and making you feel like the beautiful, intelligent woman you are. 

Here are a few signs that the person you’re dating could be worthy of making your relationship official: 

Can you rely on him for anything? 

Being able to rely on your partner for support is a big part of a sustainable relationship, and he will want to show you that he can handle one. 

The wrong guy will duck out and run when times get tough or very stressful. The right guy who might be worth getting serious with and sticks by your side through thick and thin. 

While he might be stressed when life throws curveballs, he knows nothing is perfect, and things can be messy. He’s in this incredible journey called life with you no matter what. 

Does he make you feel good about yourself? 

Your man wants you to feel your best. He gives you affirmations about his feelings and isn’t afraid to express himself verbally. When you are around him, you feel good about yourself. He lifts you and makes you shine more than not. 

Compared to other relationships you’ve had or men you’ve encountered, this individual brings fun to your life. You are better with him. 

Does he make you feel safe? 

When a man is seriously interested, he wants to make you feel safe—physically and emotionally. 

In large crowds, he will help navigate you. If someone appears aggressive, your man is on alert. He’s an extra pair of eyes and ears, prioritizing your physical well-being.

If you have considered this framework and can confidently say yes to most, or ideally all of them, this strongly indicates that you’re ready to elevate your relationship to the next level. 

Have the talk and be very clear about what you want out of a relationship and ensure you’re actively listening to his needs and wants. Once you have “the talk,” go exclusive and enjoy life in technicolor!

Three Signs You Have Found Your Soulmate

UpJourney’s Article Written by The Editors, 60+ Signs You’ve Found Your Soulmate features contributions from Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating (Visit UpJourney to view the full article)

Image by Freepik

“ There is nothing more exciting than meeting someone you feel could very well be “the one.”

Here are my top three signs that you have found your soul mate:

1. You can count on him

Being able to rely on your partner for support is a big part of a sustainable relationship, and he will want to show you that he can handle one.

• It’s easy to feel infatuated when everything is going well, but does he have staying power when things get a little complicated?

• How did he react when you had a blow-up at work? 

• Was he available when you were sick with a nasty cold?

If he always shows up for you, he’s proving to you he could very well be your soulmate.

2. He makes you feel secure

When a man is seriously interested, he wants to make you feel safe—physically and emotionally. In large crowds, he will help navigate you. If someone appears aggressive, your man is on alert. He’s an extra pair of eyes and ears, making your physical well-being a priority.

You’ll also notice that your man wants you to feel your best. You won’t feel jealous of other women because your man takes time to compliment and remind you of all the reasons you are special, even when you woke up on the wrong side of the bed or are just having a bad day.

3. He takes it slow

Having physical intimacy at the right time becomes the goal. There is no pressure or focus on the sexual aspects of your relationship because he knows that this part will evolve at its own pace.

Men seeking casual flings will put an enormous amount of focus on the physical. Dates may seem rushed or overly casual and may feel more like activities to fill time until it becomes suitable to have intimacy.

How would he respond if you nixed the date without spending the night? If you predict any backlash whatsoever, he’s probably more interested in sexy time than learning about you.

If you are dating someone that checks these three boxes, you’re lucky!

Keep dating them through the seasons (at least one year), and don’t be afraid to have very honest conversations about your personal goals. The right man will listen and pay attention to what you’re saying because he cares.

While it might not be on his exact timeline, he will certainly listen and be mature enough to have transparent conversations about a future with you and what that might look like. ”

Three Signs He is Emotionally Unavailable

UpJourney’s Article Written by The Editors, 60+ Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Man features contributions from Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating (Visit UpJourney to view the full article)

Image by FreePik - Stefamerpik

“ There is nothing more frustrating than heading towards a serious, monogamous relationship only to hear your could-be-significant-other say, “I just don’t think I’m ready to commit.” 

Save yourself time, energy, and heartache by choosing men who want—not be convinced to want—a longer-term relationship and are emotionally available.

My top three signs he is emotionally unavailable: 

1. He is not intentional 

An emotionally unavailable man does not think about doing things and activities together. There are no actual plans in the works to see you. He invites you to hang out super casually, where he might mention that you should “drop by” his weekend BBQ. 

An emotionally available man makes commitments, asks you out, and figures out a time based on your schedule. You’ll also notice that dates with an emotionally available man are somewhat tailored to your preferences. 

Emotionally available men want to share great moments with you—and that starts with thoughtful planning. 

2. He’s not reliable

If he is not showing up for you, this is a big sign that he is not emotionally available. 

Being able to rely on your partner for support is a big part of a sustainable relationship, and he will want to show you that he can handle one. 

It’s easy to feel infatuated when everything is going well, but does he have staying power when things get a little, hmmm, complicated? 

How did he react when you had a blow-up at work? 

Was he available when you were sick with a nasty cold? 

If he always shows up for you, he’s showing that he’s worth the emotional investment. 

3. He’s not great with communication 

Emotionally unavailable men can make it difficult for you to understand how they feel about you. 

They are not interested in learning about you beyond the surface and are certainly not willing to put in the work in terms of communication. 

An emotionally available man can be straightforward about his feelings for you. He is attentive to the things that are important to you and is generally a good communicator. 

If you are dating someone with checks any of these signs that a man is not emotionally available, I encourage you to re-evaluate where you’re at and if your needs are being met. 

If you checked more than one of these signs, chances are you might need to muster up the courage to move on to a man who can invest in a healthy and balanced relationship with you. ”