Are You Ready To Move In Together?

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Moving in together is a huge step in the relationship; it’s a chance to deepen your connection and move forward.  But, before signing the lease, here are the 5 most important topics to cover BEFORE moving in along with some suggested “conversation starters,” that you can adapt to your style and situation.

1. Long-term goals and dreams

Before moving in together, discuss your long-term goals as a couple. This can include everything from career aspirations to family planning. Make sure you're both on the same page and have similar visions for the future.

Conversation starter: “I’m excited to move in together, but I need a better sense of long-term plans to make me feel confident and take next steps. Are you ready to talk about this?”

2. Financial situations and planning

Money can be a major source of stress in any relationship, so it's important to be clear about your individual financial situations and discuss how you'll split expenses. You should also consider setting up a joint account to cover emergencies or household bills.

Conversation starter: “When we talk about moving in, I think we should talk through all the financial parts, so I can plan budget, save and plan accordingly. It’s important to me that we move forward without financial mysteries; it’ll save us both headaches.”

3. Household management

Living together means sharing household responsibilities. How will you divide up tasks such as cleaning, cooking, and grocery shopping? Are there chores you could outsource? Make sure you're both comfortable with the expectations around the house. 

Conversation starter: “Taking care of a house or apartment together is a big deal. How do you think we should think about our new chores. I call dibs on the cooking, but I would need help with dishes.” 

4. Find ways to compromise

If you live together, you’ll need to compromise. Whether it’s about furniture, bedtimes or entertaining, it’s important to strike that balance on what will make the relationship stronger vs. your individual happiness. 

Conversation starter: “I’m used to living by myself, so I’m particular about clutter and making sure we don’t have too many guests. What’s your stance? What would be ideal for you?”

5. Establish boundaries

Setting boundaries is ultimately going to help you maintain peace and privacy without distancing yourself from your partner. It may feel a bit mechanical in the beginning, but it will ultimately pave the way for a harmonious living situation.

Conversation starter: “I will be working from the home office, so I need to work distraction-free until 4. If I can work straight through, I won’t have to work nights, so I really need time to focus.”

Ultimately, the path to a seamless living situation is paved with open and honest communication. And, as they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so please get clear about your needs and expectations prior to moving in. 

Intentional Dating

By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Are you leaving dates disappointed?  Having flings and situationships with sparks that always seem to fizzle out? Start dating with awareness and intention by considering what you bring to the table and what you are looking for, and walking away when someone shows that they are not what you seek. The healthiest and strongest partnerships form between two self-aware individuals who each can date with this framework in mind.

Know What You Have to Offer

Too often, when searching for a serious partner or relationship, the focus is outward and evades internal reflection. 

Ask yourself how you can directly improve or impact a potential romantic partner’s life.  Examples… When looking to enter a romantic relationship, you are equally as responsible as your counterpart for creating healthy expectations around communication, intimacy, etc. Are you compassionate? Able to communicate your feelings effectively and not overreact in your responses? Can you admit when you are at fault?  Or convey your needs to a partner directly without needless nuance? 

Know What You Seek

Often people stick to searching for partners who fall into their so-called “type,” due to comfort and sticking to what they have known. There is a misconception that always staying with your type will eventually bring you your ideal partner... Though this might be true sometimes, dating solely within your predetermined type is more likely to limit your dating experience and to reduce your exposure to people whom you might not have considered before – a sample group from which your perfect match could emerge.

When setting the parameters for your ideal partner, begin with the non-negotiable traits you want to see in your future partner. As just a few examples, maybe they need to manage conflict effectively and calmly, listen intently to what you say, and prioritize mindfulness or religion in their daily lives.  Next, consider some activities or things you want to do and share with a future partner.  Maybe they are an avid skier or runner, bookworm, art enthusiast, and so on.  Lastly, what are your absolute dealbreakers? Establish the qualities that you know you do not want to see in a partner. Once you balance these various elements, you can begin to create a rough but accurate outline of the type of person you are looking for – an intentional framework that can guide you accurately in dating without being completely restrictive and choking off the possibility of randomness working in your favor to create romance in the unexpected.

Know When It Is Time to Move On

STANDARDS AND BOUNDARIES… you need them and they require YOU to implement them. If you have communicated expectations and a partner’s behavior is well outside what you expect, do not wait until the third act to watch how things unfold. They have shown you how they will likely continue to operate. 

Mediating and attempting to modify and repair behaviors amidst high levels of frustration with a romantic partner is not a pattern likely to change the longer you are together. Trust what they are showing you through their actions and move on to someone who meets your standards and respects your boundaries with less difficulty or hesitation. 

In Review:

It is critical before starting your dating journey to look inside and outside yourself – who are you and what do you offer, and what do you most prioritize in a partner?  Regarding the latter, think hard about priorities… personality characteristics, beliefs, and behaviors are most key, along with trying to avoid sticking with one specific physical type. 

Lastly, trust when someone shows you who they are and how they act - stick to your standards. If someone clearly cannot meet your expectations, do not attempt to mold them into what you are looking for or assume it will get better. Move on and find the one who meets you there. 

You are now equipped with some knowledge on how to date intentionally… and now it is your turn to put it into practice! 

How Many Dates Before Making it Official?

UpJourney’s Article Written by The Editors, How Many Dates Before Making Your Relationship Official? features contributions from Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating (Visit UpJourney to view the full article)

Look for promising signs instead of counting the number of dates

If you’re wondering how to get him to commit, you’re asking the wrong question. The right man for you—an individual who is ready for a serious relationship—will show you that he is worthy of your time and affection. 

I firmly believe you need to see some promising signs before making your relationship official. So, under this theory, the actual number of dates doesn’t matter. 

Instead, look for signs that the individual you are spending considerable time with is showing you that he’s a good person and making you feel like the beautiful, intelligent woman you are. 

Here are a few signs that the person you’re dating could be worthy of making your relationship official: 

Can you rely on him for anything? 

Being able to rely on your partner for support is a big part of a sustainable relationship, and he will want to show you that he can handle one. 

The wrong guy will duck out and run when times get tough or very stressful. The right guy who might be worth getting serious with and sticks by your side through thick and thin. 

While he might be stressed when life throws curveballs, he knows nothing is perfect, and things can be messy. He’s in this incredible journey called life with you no matter what. 

Does he make you feel good about yourself? 

Your man wants you to feel your best. He gives you affirmations about his feelings and isn’t afraid to express himself verbally. When you are around him, you feel good about yourself. He lifts you and makes you shine more than not. 

Compared to other relationships you’ve had or men you’ve encountered, this individual brings fun to your life. You are better with him. 

Does he make you feel safe? 

When a man is seriously interested, he wants to make you feel safe—physically and emotionally. 

In large crowds, he will help navigate you. If someone appears aggressive, your man is on alert. He’s an extra pair of eyes and ears, prioritizing your physical well-being.

If you have considered this framework and can confidently say yes to most, or ideally all of them, this strongly indicates that you’re ready to elevate your relationship to the next level. 

Have the talk and be very clear about what you want out of a relationship and ensure you’re actively listening to his needs and wants. Once you have “the talk,” go exclusive and enjoy life in technicolor!

Just Breathe… How to Calm Down before a Date

Image by Freepik

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

First dates can be riddled with a barrage of emotions and what feels like a surge of adrenaline pumping through your body. Many men and women suffer from jitters in the early stages of dating and these emotions are normal - you’re a human after all and it would be a bit odd if you weren’t experiencing some of that.

One of the best ways to combat these nerves is first to get into the right positive mindset. Here are some of my recommendations for getting there.

1. "Meeting a Friend"

I like to tell clients to visualize that they are meeting a friend. Friends generally make us feel good about ourselves.

Side note, if you have a friend who doesn’t bring levity to your life, perhaps its time to re-evaluate your friendships - but I digress.

When in the “meeting a friend” mindset, those pesky nerves that can interfere with pre-date and during the date emotions will begin to subside. The wet palms, increased heart rate, the WTF am I doing will take a dip.

Start this visualization the minute you have a firm plan. So if your date is on Friday and it’s Monday, it’s the right time to begin. A few minutes of daily visualizations where you remind yourself this is not a big deal, you’re meeting a new friend and it’s always fun to have new friends. Rinse and repeat a couple of minutes in the mornings and evenings leading up to the actual date. I’d apply a very similar practice to interviewing for a job as well. "I know this space inside and out, they need me more than I need them, I got this, I own this, fuck yeah."

2. “Taking Care of Yourself"

Now that you’re rockin’ your positive mindset, think about anything that makes you relax. What do you do after a stressful day?

What are your coping mechanisms that are healthy outlets? A peaceful stroll in the park? Yoga? A bubble bath, a steam or sauna with dim lighting and candles and Enya playing? Why not? Some Metallica streaming through your AirPods running, pumping iron, banging out push-ups and mountain climbers? You’ve got this. Whatever your jam is, these are great ways to have stress outlets leading up to the date.

3. “Best Foot Forward"

Now that you are doing your daily visualizations and ideally bringing relaxation to your body each day, I want you now to figure out the outfit you’ll be wearing. Although you’re meeting a new friend, I want you feeling really good about yourself. Going out to the newest sushi spot in town and cocktails at that swanky bar after, find something in your closet that makes you feel alive and sexy as hell. If you’re a female, men like color. It’s funny, they’re just like a hummingbird and respond well to color.

If you’re guy reading this, wouldn’t it be so nice to pick out a crisp dress shirt with a hint of color, a beautiful belt and dark denim. Did you know women tend to look at guys shoes first? Yep, it’s true.

So if you have your ensemble picked out, I want you to hang it up on your closet door or somewhere you can see it everyday leading up to your date. Visualize how pretty you’re going to look in your red dress and heels with your soft, incredibly sensual-to-the-touch cashmere wrap. Or how studly you’re going to feel in your freshly pressed dress shirt and those pricy suede loafers you purchased after a boozy lunch with your best friend that afternoon.

Look at it, visualize it, and get into the mindset of feeling and looking really good. You got this.

The days leading up to your date, you’re getting good sleep, limiting the booze, and curbing insane amounts of caffeine... Again, this is all the same stuff I would do if I were going on a job interview and I wanted to ace it. Mindset, action, controlling environment, and treating the body like a temple!

Day of the date, listen to your favorite song when getting ready, splash your perfume/cologne on and it’s show time.

Put that outfit on and feel golden. You are amazing and are going to have a great evening! Make sure to leave plenty of time to get to the location so you don’t stress about traffic or parking.

And when you’re there, remember, just breathe, you’re meeting a friend after all….